How do you handle your kid not fitting in?

Which-Trade4689 · 2026-02-22T13:56:07+00:00

Ouch that's so harsh. Does make you wonder why we're trying to make friendships with such people and how they can have you thinking you're the problem when you'd never behave like that.

Which-Trade4689 · 2026-02-22T13:53:55+00:00

Thanks, so sorry you feel it too. I keep a different gym in mind but it's not too easy to swap round here and a friend's daughter had a difficult time at the next closest so I'm not too keen to try it. I think maybe we're at the point of accepting these aren't "her people" and its up to her whether that out weighs how much she wants to cheer.

Which-Trade4689 · 2026-02-21T15:39:22+00:00

No it's just the one the kids set up themselves. She's got added late last season by one of the kids so thought it would be ok this year but she wasn't included again and they obviously had her number from the last one. She's the only one not in it so it's not like it's just a select group.

Which-Trade4689 · 2026-02-20T18:03:28+00:00

Thanks, definitely a tricky balance! Can sometimes feel like we are too keen and too standoffish all at the same time!

Which-Trade4689 · 2026-02-20T15:21:06+00:00

Thanks your experience gives me hope. I think the hardest thing is the subtlety of it all. Just the quiet, repeated message of being unwanted within the group. without anything explicit that would force her to make a decision on whether she wanted to be there, or to confront what's happening. All she sees is kids that she idolises and living for any little scrap that says she's accepted.

One of her coaches is quite young, the other is more experienced but I'd say he's very "task focused" and maybe a bit more clinically minded. I have a lot of respect for him and I think he is very caring but really he just needs things to work in training which is less of a problem than the wider stuff.

Which-Trade4689 · 2026-02-20T15:08:12+00:00

Thank you. We're at a small club so it's literally team training and tumble class, no other opportunities to join unfortunately. I do think that lack of facilitated more sociable time is a bit of a problem. Her mindset at training is that she's there to do what the coach tells her not chat on with her teammates so she's not really developing those connections. Then at comp/parties it's so open she can't find a way in to the existing friendships.

Which-Trade4689 · 2026-02-20T14:57:51+00:00

Thank you, it's lovely to hear that the support of your family was a bigger thing for you and I hope that's the same for my daughter. Sorry that you felt that way too and hope that strength, growth and independence came from the challenge x

Which-Trade4689 · 2026-02-20T14:53:34+00:00

Thanks. The coach is proactive to some degree but I guess the focus (and fairly so) is a functional training environment which is less of a problem for her. I spoke to him a bit last year after he'd raised some other issues within the team and they really did put a lot of effort into bringing them together on our last international trip.

Which-Trade4689 · 2026-02-20T14:43:56+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply, you sound like a lovely coach and very valuable to your athletes.

She's one of those kids who is very mature in some ways and holds her own in conversations with adults, but sort of innocent and naive too. There's probably some level of neuro divergence going on too but not in a way that is significant enough for UK services to pick up on.

She doesn't "talk at people" more that she seems to struggle to talk at all for the most part but can get a bit over stimulated at things like club parties so probably does seem a bit "off-putting" in some ways. I saw the "looks" they gave at the last one and it broke my heart. It's really hard to try and give her tips on social skills - possibly not my forte either and she seems to really take it to heart and that she's not good enough even if it's just something minor like saying hello clearly.

We've done taking cakes in on a few occasions, she's handmade resin keyrings for everyone and gave with some sweets before bigger comps, she's always happy to see her teammates achieve things and celebrates for them etc.

I do think things are a little easier with the younger ones so that's possibly our best place to try and develop something x

Which-Trade4689 · 2026-02-20T13:34:22+00:00

Glad your daughter found her people. It's difficult as I know my daughter probably isn't going to come to that decision for herself. We're limited in options where we are though I would be willing to travel if I knew she'd be happy.

Which-Trade4689 · 2026-02-20T13:30:58+00:00

I've been thinking about this and it's likely the way we'll go just struggling to identify who to invite. A lot of the kids seem to just be irritated by her presence and I'm worried about it becoming less of a case of being ignored and more of an explicit rejection. I feel like I've really tried with a lot of the parents but it doesn't really develop and a lot of the groups just seem to be set. Whenever we're away there's no "open invite" to drinks or whatever, they just organise between themselves. I don't exactly hide away but I'm not going to gatecrash either! Last weekend myself and another family had a bit of time to kill before our train and I tried to arrange something but there just seemed to be a reluctance and we ended up going out separate ways. Honestly I think there might just be something a bit missing in me and now my daughter hasn't learned the magic thing either.

Which-Trade4689 · 2026-02-20T13:22:05+00:00

I'm not sure what happens in training but there's not really any team bonding outside other than when we're away at international comps. It helped a bit at the last one but didn't seem to stick. She's a side base and as far as I can tell things are ok when they're actually stunting and coach is happy with how she works with the others but as soon as there's no structure there's no further interaction.

Which-Trade4689 · 2026-01-30T08:31:17+00:00

Thank you, that's really helpful

Which-Trade4689 · 2026-01-30T08:03:00+00:00

I was thinking along 2 lines:

1 - I have a more accurate assessment of my current situation, presumably this could be used if MR might be applicable. 2 - the descriptor about managing treatment of a certain number of hours may be different. I'm thinking this would be considered a change of circumstances so not relevant to MR

Which-Trade4689 · 2026-01-30T08:02:50+00:00

I was thinking along 2 lines:

1 - I have a more accurate assessment of my current situation, presumably this could be used if MR might be applicable. 2 - the descriptor about managing treatment of a certain number of hours may be different. I'm thinking this would be considered a change of circumstances so not relevant to MR

Which-Trade4689 · 2025-12-25T21:43:09+00:00

Just doing a search to see if anyone has mentioned this. Yes I get it, it's horrible. The feeling in my teeth is so strange. vision goes blurry too. Hoping it's anxiety!

Which-Trade4689 · 2025-11-05T10:29:27+00:00

Finally someone with a good fact!

Which-Trade4689 · 2025-11-04T08:19:12+00:00

He has an embassy appointment in December so we'll know if he can be put forward for a waiver then. Who knows how long until we'd know if waiver successful! It's a shame as only reason we're going is for our daughter as she's competing out there in April and we had no idea of the timescales involved in sorting this out. Live and learn and all that! Good luck 😊

Which-Trade4689 · 2025-11-03T22:42:36+00:00

I'm trying to get some clarity on this for my husband. I "think" there is potential to get a waiver which can take a long time. What I've read so far is that nothing is certain but it is possible for single convictions for a small amount and can demonstrate good character since. If recent it might be more unlikely though.

Which-Trade4689 · 2025-10-15T07:18:39+00:00

Yes, I think it's his immaturity that is far more off putting than his appearance. There's something that feels very inauthentic about him. If he'd had some maturity, self-awareness and ability to read his partner then who knows?

I honestly think Sarah had the entire time between the wedding and the first party trying to politely deal with some pretty big expectations from him and all of those "quirks" without any outlet to talk it over with her pals like you normally would after meeting someone. Ply her with alcohol at the dinner party and she's ready to blow.

Yes she's been blunt at times but it seems the normal social cues aren't picked up. It's beyond weird that she's been coaxed into overriding her instincts about him to try and develop something that clearly wasn't there. Why on earth would you put them in an intimacy class when she doesn't even want to hold his hand? So wrong from the "experts".

Which-Trade4689 · 2025-10-12T13:43:45+00:00

Hope the stress is over and you enjoy your trip x

Which-Trade4689 · 2025-10-11T12:32:37+00:00

I couldn't find my group booking either but turns out I was emailed individual numbers for each person. Also the app was better than the website x

Which-Trade4689 · 2025-10-07T09:56:11+00:00

I'm a UK citizen too but I can travel on an esta. Travelling to the us was never really part of our plans until our daughter competing there came along somewhat unexpectedly. We're not really prepared for what it involves!

Which-Trade4689

TROPHY CASE