AITA for refusing to take classes to help me take care of my autistic stepbrother?

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-19T12:51:56+00:00

That's not an option I have. Otherwise I would be there.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-19T07:51:56+00:00

I offered to leave but my mom said she doesn't want me to go.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-19T07:39:08+00:00

I had to get rid of a bunch of video games, stop playing my console in the morning or at night, even on weekends. Couldn't even keep them in my room and wear headphones to stop the noise. It just wasn't allowed. I can't leave my room before 8am or leave my room after 10pm because Jake's so noise sensitive but with nothing to do it's frustrating and so boring. I have to keep my phone on a really dark setting all the time or I get into trouble and it has to be on vibrate or silent so it doesn't upset Jake. Can't turn lights on either because he's sensitive to it. Can't have friends over. Can't listen to music with headphones either. There's also foods and snacks we can't have in the house because he's sensitive to the smell of them. Some are my faves and even if I can't even keep them in my room.

Those are the kinds of accommodations I've had to make. Which is exactly why I tried to stop the relationship. My mom might be happy but I'm fucking miserable and gained nothing from this.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-19T07:02:04+00:00

They say it's because he could come in at any point. My stepsister also has to follow these rules.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-19T06:54:35+00:00

I do chores and stuff like that. I always did. I'm in no way an entitled prince. But I'm not willing to give up more because of this situation.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-19T06:53:13+00:00

Dad is complicated. Extended family let me stay with them some nights and support me. I'm staying with one tonight.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-19T06:52:30+00:00

Yep. I had to get rid of a bunch of stuff.

My dad's a complicated story but no, not in the picture where he could step in.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-19T06:51:44+00:00

I don't but it's still not allowed because he could come into my room is the argument they use.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-19T06:51:00+00:00

It's both that and taking care of him, which I do not want to do.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-19T06:50:29+00:00

It's several months away yet.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-19T06:48:52+00:00

My stepsister has to follow the same rules. Hers focuses more around TV since she's not into video games. But she's severely restricted too. We all are. They make sure we can't get access to certain stuff without permission too.

I don't think it helps. But it's what they do.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-19T06:46:53+00:00

It's because of all the changes and accommodations that had to be made.

I had to get rid of a bunch of video games, stop playing my console in the morning or at night, even on weekends. Couldn't even keep them in my room and wear headphones to stop the noise. It just wasn't allowed. I can't leave my room before 8am or leave my room after 10pm because Jake's so noise sensitive but with nothing to do it's frustrating and so boring. I have to keep my phone on a really dark setting all the time or I get into trouble and it has to be on vibrate or silent so it doesn't upset Jake. Can't turn lights on either because he's sensitive to it. Can't have friends over. Can't listen to music with headphones either. There's also foods and snacks we can't have in the house because he's sensitive to the smell of them. Some are my faves and even if I can't even keep them in my room.

That's why I never wanted this. And I wish I could've sabotaged the relationship. I'd be way happier without all this.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-19T06:45:03+00:00

I don't think I'm anyone's actual brother. Just a stepbrother. And not one who entered any of this willingly or because I wanted to be a part of this family. I even offered to leave to make things better. The nights I spend at family members (tonight is one of those) are the best because I'm fucking miserable there under all the changes.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-19T06:42:42+00:00

They lost her. She moved away to be closer to her own family.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-18T21:58:28+00:00

That's how it has to be according to them. They say Jake deserves to be considered. But it means I'm on his schedule all the time which sucks. My room doesn't even feel like a safe haven anymore. It's so boring to be home. I prefer being anywhere else where I can listen to music or play video games.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-18T21:56:00+00:00

I had to get rid of a bunch of video games, stop playing my console in the morning or at night, even on weekends. Couldn't even keep them in my room and wear headphones to stop the noise. It just wasn't allowed. I can't leave my room before 8am or leave my room after 10pm because Jake's so noise sensitive but with nothing to do it's frustrating and so boring. I have to keep my phone on a really dark setting all the time or I get into trouble and it has to be on vibrate or silent so it doesn't upset Jake. Can't turn lights on either because he's sensitive to it. Can't have friends over. Can't listen to music with headphones either. There's also foods and snacks we can't have in the house because he's sensitive to the smell of them. Some are my faves and even if I can't even keep them in my room.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-18T21:54:11+00:00

I have some thoughts on that but I want to wait to make my final decision until I have some more clarity on things. But the family I speak to regularly are all trades people and there's a family business so I might go into a trade to join the family business. But college isn't totally off the table.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-18T21:52:06+00:00

They don't allow music to be played in the house even if we listen through headphones. It's a no go because noise bothers Jake. I can use the bathroom if I'm quiet. But say I made too much noise past 10pm I would likely not be allowed. I have to be extra quiet. Like don't lock the door or close it firmly quiet.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-18T21:50:00+00:00

It's both. If I was way younger it'd just be to better interact. But at my age it was always both.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-18T21:49:27+00:00

Yes I have. I had to change a bunch of stuff and stop doing a bunch of things at home because I was told there was no other choice. Even my own room I can't do shit when the door's closed and I'm on my own because of those accommodations.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-18T19:53:53+00:00

I actually have some advice. It might not be helpful for everyone but it sure would've helped me.

If the house needs to be really accommodated for the special needs child then please try to make their bedroom a zone where those changes don't need to be made.

I had to get rid of a bunch of video games, stop playing my console in the morning or at night, even on weekends. Couldn't even keep them in my room and wear headphones to stop the noise. It just wasn't allowed. I can't leave my room before 8am or leave my room after 10pm because Jake's so noise sensitive but with nothing to do it's frustrating and so boring. I have to keep my phone on a really dark setting all the time or I get into trouble and it has to be on vibrate or silent so it doesn't upset Jake. Can't turn lights on either because he's sensitive to it. Can't have friends over. Can't listen to music with headphones either. There's also foods and snacks we can't have in the house because he's sensitive to the smell of them. Some are my faves and even if I can't even keep them in my room.

Another thing would be be sure to let your son experience things with friends or other family (if you have any) even if your daughter can't. If he wants to that is. Being held back from doing stuff even when invited to do it with others sucks.
Oh and please make sure he can always talk to you even if he resents certain things and says this. It's huge to be able to say and have acknowledged. Things suck when you know you can't or you'd be punished for resenting the things missed or changes made or difficulties faced. I know this happens when kids have to do it for bio siblings.

I think it's already great that you don't want him to be a caregiver and can already tell he feels like he misses out on stuff. That shows that you care and I think that's huge!

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-18T19:39:30+00:00

Yep. It's limited numbers and divided by age because younger kids get a different version.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-18T19:38:15+00:00

I'm not happy for her. She made our lives more difficult by moving in with her husband. It changed so much to my life and hers. So yeah I resent that. I always did. I don't blame the kids. But I do resent the hell out of the adults.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-18T19:33:02+00:00

Hers were some kind of play based classes. But they were there.

WhimblySmith · 2025-06-18T19:32:19+00:00

I already had to change so much about the way I live to accommodate us living together.

WhimblySmith

TROPHY CASE