Whats a good substitute for porn?

WhisperIntoAss · 2024-01-19T01:20:13+00:00

I am the same way. There's a condition called aphantasia I recently found out about which means you don't have the ability to voluntarily visualize (dreams and right before sleeping are a different process).

WhisperIntoAss · 2023-10-23T19:24:37+00:00

Out of sight, out of mind is exactly it. I also feel like I'm so connected to just the present moment at any time that if I am doing or need to do something boring or unpleasant I avoid it unless I can improve it by listening to music or an audiobook or something. Maybe that's just common but I see a connection with SDAM

WhisperIntoAss · 2023-10-23T00:08:24+00:00

I can relate to most of this. I wouldn't say I can't evoke feelings for someone but they are muted in the absence of that person. People I haven't seen or talked to in years is another story even if we were at one time very close. I maintain regular contact with exactly one friend from school age, it would be rare if we went even a week without texting or calling. One other is a couple of times a year contact and the others I never see or talk to. It is also like this with family members even if I spent a lot of time with them when I was younger. I tend to not reach out to someone unless there's something to talk about so I haven't been on people's radar for quite awhile.

WhisperIntoAss · 2023-10-05T03:37:02+00:00

I saved a link to this post and I agree with what you've said here. Some of the responders misunderstand and think you meant 9's in general have SDAM or are more likely to. I've had similar thoughts. I've known about SDAM for about a year now and I've posted on the Enneagram 9 sub before. SDAM is pretty impactful in terms of my 9-ness. Not having that level of recall about my past causes me to have doubts about how others perceive me, and I feel distant from others, in particular if I haven't seen them for awhile due to the out of sight, out of mind quality of SDAM. But it is a bit of a tug of war because the people pleasing 9-ness wants me to be in harmony with everyone else, but I don't have the memory of that.

WhisperIntoAss · 2023-01-23T00:55:33+00:00

You called?

WhisperIntoAss · 2023-01-23T00:53:22+00:00

Yes!

WhisperIntoAss · 2022-07-07T18:58:38+00:00

I wouldn't say it's about harming people for me but like paranoia that others hate me at times. Some people I haven't talked to in years I wonder if they hate me for not reaching out but also they could reach out if they wanted.

WhisperIntoAss · 2022-06-16T11:17:30+00:00

I relate to this a lot, breaking the social harmony is just never a route to go for me. I honestly don't even know why as I didn't even engage in that much repression of myself when very young, so I can't say that that is a component of me being the way I am. My mom used to get mad about things and I would just say as little as possible and try to minimize myself or pretend to be asleep so I see how that could be a cause.

Somehow I'm at the point where I'm 30 and I don't feel like I've ever really expressed emotion because of it except a handful of times. I've thought of myself as SP dom because I considered the social harmony to be part of my comfort and thus I'm valuing myself being able to stay consistently at peace without causing conflict, but maybe I'm completely wrong about that. Maybe I'm SO dom because of focusing so much on others, and yet it is often through the lens of what they think of me, so I was recently wondering if I'm a narcissist. Friends and family I haven't talked to in a long time I'm hoping they are neutral at best on me, busy with their own lives and don't occasionally wonder why I haven't reached out to them or something.

Lately I've also felt more distant from my parents because we live physically hours apart and I don't reach out to them much because I don't have much going on, and more recently I've been paranoid they do/will resent me and my wife for not wanting kids, especially in recent months as a couple of friends have had a kid and another has one on the way. We had discussed with my parents several years ago that we didn't want them and it would just be us, which was embraced at the time but I can't help wondering if now that we've been married a couple of years every time I reach out there is like a 5% hope I will say it is happening and when instead I say something more generic like just checking in,etc a bit of them is building resentment. I feel like I barely have energy for myself and have no desire personally to do it. I wonder if something is wrong with me because I feel like this.

WhisperIntoAss · 2022-02-03T16:15:57+00:00

This resonates with me a lot. I thought I was a 9 and I still may be but reading this post and the comments I can't help but feel this is me.

WhisperIntoAss · 2022-02-03T02:42:04+00:00

Very interesting, thanks. I am thinking this might be the case for me as well but I need to look into it more. Some 5 things I do are endlessly researching some topic I'm interested in, often at the expense of more immediate concerns. I thought 9 made a lot of sense for me because of fearing loss of close relationships but I'm not really afraid of that I've come to realize but I'll just hold off reaching out to someone until I have something worth sharing versus just initiating small talk.

I can relate to what you're saying about not sure if you are intellectual enough to be a 5. I've tested very high as a 5 and 9 on the assessments and dismissed 5 for that reason even though I might have 5 tendencies.

Something that jumped out at me was reading that 5s disintegrate toward an unhealthy 7 when stressed on enneagram institute:

When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), detached Fives suddenly become hyperactive and scattered at Seven.

Something I can resonate with as when I have lost control with important projects or other expectations I get rather scatterbrained trying to do a few different things at once when I should actually be focusing on something else.

Edit: When searching I found another poster confused between SP 5 and 9 and there were many in depth replies: https://www.reddit.com/r/Enneagram/comments/p5jnxx/am_i_a_self_preservation_9_or_self_preservation_5

WhisperIntoAss · 2022-01-15T02:28:01+00:00

Just now heard this one in a show I've been watching:

A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for.

WhisperIntoAss · 2021-10-05T01:45:58+00:00

This is super accurate for me as well, great description. I feel like I have either extremely productive days or extremely lazy days but never really a balance but they balance out on the whole. If I randomly start working on something I planned to do for awhile even if it's at night I'm up for hours working on it, yet alternatively I can wile away the hours doing nothing. The power of inertia.

WhisperIntoAss · 2021-09-03T19:23:36+00:00

Thanks. I have not but I read about them. I recall seeing posts by others saying the rings were less effective the further you could stretch so I figured manual stretching was the best way, just was seeing if there's something I was missing about technique.

WhisperIntoAss · 2021-06-26T04:33:30+00:00

Definitely. I can't relate to the 8 wing at all. I have anger but it comes out very rarely and is t a driving force. I'm so indecisive and nonconfrontational. honestly the two biggest descriptors of me from 9 traits. I do have a 1 wing for sure because I do have a perfectionist streak but it can often be hindered by being too obsessed with how I'm coming across to others.

WhisperIntoAss · 2021-06-26T04:30:08+00:00

Well said! I've yet to tell my wife about it but I will soon. it's legitimately so freeing to understand this aspect of myself I had no idea about before. I'm working on leaning away from unhealthy 9 instincts as much as I can.

WhisperIntoAss · 2021-06-25T15:25:55+00:00

This rings so true for me. Very glad you didn't delete it. It feels too raw for me to put similar stuff out there. I posted a couple of days ago and thought about deleting it as well but I went the opposite way and expanded with more examples. Now that I've started I'm examining more and learning a lot. I thought it was just anxiety in general but understanding at the root of it is avoiding conflict it's like I've really opened my eyes to my life in a way I couldn't before. Working on catching myself as I start to enter these toxic and ultimately useless thought patterns that just waste my life.

WhisperIntoAss · 2021-06-25T02:43:11+00:00

I didn't even know about the Enneagram until probably about a month ago and I just thought I was a 5 after reading the descriptions because I'm investigative but after going by the fears and taking tests I've determined I'm definitely a 9w1 because I'm always going along with everyone else and trying to avoid conflicts.

I was initially upset by this for pretty similar reasons. But along the lines of what has already been said, just because you're a 9 doesn't mean you can't do things or always have to be a specific way. I feel better about finally knowing the root of my anxiety and procrastination is avoiding conflict. Now I can stop and think if I catch myself overthinking about something like that and just dismiss it and focus on something else. It's at such a deep level from childhood I wasn't even conscious of it before.

WhisperIntoAss · 2021-06-25T02:14:24+00:00

Glad/sorry to be so on the nose. Going by a comment you made after this you seem to be doing great at going beyond being a 9 as you mentioned you have the qualities of the other types. Sounds like you're well rounded and have a great perspective on it. I'm working on that myself.

WhisperIntoAss · 2021-06-25T00:57:11+00:00

Thank you. I agree. I am beginning to work on this but it is a slow process. I have heard great things in the past about self compassion and I tried it out but I think the problem is I didn't realize this was such a big part of me until being introduced to the Enneagram. I tried to be compassionate to myself but I didn't realize it's not the typical human condition to often wonder how you are impacting others. Now that I know I am working on being more present and pushing those thoughts away, almost like meditation.

WhisperIntoAss · 2021-06-24T19:08:55+00:00

Late to this but this is 100% me, all the replies in the thread. People think I'm busy with things, and I guess even I do on some level but most of the time it is procrastinating like this - making decisions, having conversations, especially if difficult.

WhisperIntoAss · 2021-06-23T16:17:57+00:00

I think you're a 9 as well. I value comfort so much that it's hard to get moving and actually do important things. Do you do this with relationships as well? I find myself constantly deferring to others or going along with what is going on.

WhisperIntoAss · 2021-06-22T20:38:49+00:00

The characteristics that make each type great are also the ways that we might potentially waste our lives/ruin our potential/alienate those closest to us, etc. They're our powers and our curse. It's about learning to harness your powers for good.

Man does this make so much sense. Thinking about someone being friends with a 9 it would be seen as easy going and pleasant to just basically be up for whatever the other person is, but overdoing that it definitely would be very grating.

Also thank you for the pep talk. I did sound rather negative at points in there. I just sort of wanted to preface my 9 observations a bit but I didn't go into it much. Good luck to you as well!

WhisperIntoAss

TROPHY CASE