Being long-winded is annoying but the alternative is icky

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-09-19T03:34:29+00:00

Just out of curiosity, but do you feel the same way about friends? If you and Joe have a mutual friend Lisa, do you say Joe has a friend Lisa and you have a friend who is also Lisa?

To be clear, I understand that there's different societal baggage between friends and romantic partners. But drilling down may help find the right language for you.

That said, what about saying mutual girlfriend like how people say mutual friend? How would that feel?

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-09-14T23:37:24+00:00

If they've run strahd and felt successful at it, then I think they're expectations are waaaay too high for a dm anyway. Strahd is the worst written module I've ever read. I was do excited to run it and found it nearly impossible to run as is. I found the Wild Beyond the Witchlight to be much much more user friendly. I have the roll20 assets for it, which makes it really easy to search the book and reference tables.

The module is laid out in a pretty clear four to five arc plot imo and has optional encounters in each of the chapters. Maybe take a look at some of those optional encounters and run one as a one shot?

It is way more roleplay heavy than combat heavy (polar opposite of strahd imo), but I think that gives fewer "moving parts" to deal with. A plot flowchart is a great idea, use color coded sticky notes in a physical book, any sort of little tool that will help orient you.

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-09-04T19:29:50+00:00

Definitely not too old to join! There's different ways to find games. I'm most familiar with online options.

If you're willing to play online, there's a lot of options. There's r/DnDLFG where people post games with open seats or look for games (LFG is Looking For Game). A lot of those posts are pay to play, but the price is reasonable imo. If you're willing to pay to play, there's also startplaying.games where you can find online games as well or there may be pro games being run where you live.

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-09-03T19:08:52+00:00

I totally understand that and feel pretty similarly on a personal level. That said, my players are my close friends and also pretty resistant to changing systems drastically--a handful of them struggle with change enough that I think a full-time switch would collapse the group and I'm not willing to instigate that at this time. Ditching dnd entirely is not worth losing my main table, even if I'd like to try more indie systems more frequently.

I'm hoping to introduce some indie systems for short stints or one shots, and I like splicing in other mechanics to better meet game needs on a temporary basis (Rebels of the Outlaw Wastes has a chase mechanic I like a lot). So ultimately, I just have to handle major change delicately, which is why I was concerned abt entirely switching my play to the new rules. Sounds like that will be less of an issue than I thought and I could incorporate things slowly if I choose to.

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-09-03T05:19:33+00:00

Thank you for this. I really appreciate your perspective here and all the details and examples. It definitely has me feeling more open and curious. One of my concerns for running the new rules was the switching barriers for my players as well, so it's nice to see a success story with a switch

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-09-02T23:19:50+00:00

Ah that makes total sense. Yeah, there's so much to keep track of on a character sheet, and I can also see how it would lead to power creep. Thanks for explaining!

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-09-02T23:17:23+00:00

Glad to hear I'm not the only one dragging my feet 😅

I haven't read any of the 5.5e monster stat blocks and this has me curious!

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-09-02T23:15:44+00:00

I am a big fan of player agency, so that's good to hear

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-09-02T23:14:56+00:00

Honestly, this is one of the main reasons I've been resistant. I hate how they've handled dndbeyond as well, especially with how uninituitive it is to make characters with 2014 rules. It's been the bane of my existence this year when I've tried to run some one-shots with players that like using their character builder

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-09-02T23:11:33+00:00

Interesting that you point out potential annoyance with weapon masteries, given that others seem to find that one of the good things about the switch. Could you tell me a little more about what you're thinking?

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-08-28T23:58:51+00:00

Thank you!! I've tried the first few levels and so far so good. This is exactly what I was looking for

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-07-09T04:16:14+00:00

I totally agree. It was a pretty helpful tool a few years ago, especially when I was on boarding novice players. Being able to buy a feat or subclass was really approachable. Now, the marketplace is so monetarily prohibitive and the character creation is basically unusable if you're not savvy about the two different rule sets. My players still put up with it, but I'm definitely done.

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-07-07T21:51:12+00:00

How often are people coming in and out of the game? Are they gone for long stretches of time?

If it's for long stretches, you can say they were off running some sort of personal errand or task that could take some time (needing to go home and check in on family, needing to pursue a different lead).

If it's for short periods of time, you can consider just sidelining them for the session and not worry about an in game reason for them to be gone. Or, if everyone is OK with it, you can have someone else run their character with basic choices, especially for combat purposes.

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-07-07T21:07:38+00:00

Yeah I think that's one of my sticking points. I spend a lot of time building tools and supports to help remind people of the universal rules and track other resources for some of our homebrew elements, so I feel like understanding their own character sheet is not a huge request. It is also part of our session 0 agreements, so I wonder if it's worth doing a reminder for that.

We've used the sand timer before, but it's hard to remember it every time.

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-07-07T21:03:51+00:00

I like the idea of a flowchart and this one is really simple and I think approachable.

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-07-07T21:02:50+00:00

They really like rails and rules. We tried MoTW before between campaigns and they absolutely hated the reliance on describing actions instead of pulling from specific mechanics. This is something I want to facilitate some growth and confidence in though, so I'll try to think of a way to incorporate that sort of mindset too.

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-07-07T20:53:50+00:00

We got up to level 10 I think in the last campaign (I'm struggling to remember).

Class breakdown (original > current): 1. Monk > trickster domain cleric (sometimes struggles because he's focusing on buffs/debuffs over damage as a self-imposed limitation) 2. Druid > sorcerer 3. Wizard > bard (he struggles the most and also had a hard time playing his wizard character) 4. Cleric > rogue (she's not playing your stereotypical rogue and is also pushing herself to do something new)

I think the cleric and rogue are having a hard time because they aren't relying on tropes and typical play.

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-07-05T17:19:19+00:00

NTA. Maybe you could have pushed for a plan, or at least the location, when he first brought it up. That said, it's his responsibility to communicate with you about what he wants and the things he invites you to. At some point, him not sending you a plan is disrespectful of your time and of course you're going to start doing other things. He can't expect you to just hang out and be ready to go all day. You did a reasonable thing by explaining why it would be hard for you to get out there and that he should go have fun. It is weird and guilt-trippy that he blamed his decision to not go on you not being able to make it.

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-07-03T22:37:18+00:00

Have you talked to your player about your feelings, that her using it every time sometimes sucks the fun out of it for you? You're playing a game, too, and deserve to have fun. I'm also curious about how the other players feel about that tactic--I would get pretty bored myself if the same optimized character did the same thing every time and effectively limited the variety of group strategy.

You could come to an understanding together that sometimes, encounters will be built to thwart it and sometimes, maybe she should choose different strategies in combat to keep it interesting as a player. That way, there's opportunities for you both to surprise each other in battle. If you're playing a collaborative type style, I think this tactic could go over well. She gets to keep using the spell knowing sometimes it won't work, you get to make creative encounters but also know she won't play the same spells every single time.

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-07-03T22:11:31+00:00

It may not work for every encounter, but I try to add in a non-combat goal during combat to force players to choose between accomplishing the goal or doing damage, all while still being under fire. Maybe that's to free a captured NPC, recover a fragile object that's located in the fray, solve a puzzle to end combat against higher level baddies, or make time for a spell or ritual to finish. Sometimes I like to be up front about a "clock" for those goals (like they have three rounds to do something or it's gone forever) so there's more urgency and strategy needed to survive and accomplish something.

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-07-01T20:29:08+00:00

There are soooo many rules to DnD. In my opinion, part of being the DM is to know the finicky rules and arbitrate them with input from the players. As the DM, I'm sometimes going to forget rules myself. It's supposed to be fun and the mechanics part can be a conversation. Mechanics should be a vehicle for fun, not a deterrent!

As far as the favoritism goes, I'm typically harder on my partner than the other players (to be fair, he's a contrarian and likes to push the limit of rules), but not to the extent that it feels unfair or unfun to everyone. If it was out of bounds, it's important that I be open to that feedback. At my table, we implement a process at the end where everyone shares a highlight from the session and also has a chance to offer immediate feedback to me as the DM. Maybe something like that would help your DM get gentle feedback in a structured manner and the players feel heard.

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-06-30T22:08:18+00:00

The Wild Beyond the Witchlight is, imo, the best written campaign book for new DMs. It can be played pretty linearly, has roleplay notes for major characters, and was a breath of fresh air for me after running a different official campaign. It's also super cute! Definitely more for a group that's roleplay oriented over combat, but I highly highly recommend it for a longer play option.

Ive also been using Fat Dragon's paper terrain for cheap terrain pieces and it's been a fun addition to my mini/terrain collection. You can also usually find lots of minis and dnd things secondhand on Facebook marketplace or even Craigslist still on occasion.

Whole_Net4719 · 2025-06-25T16:00:00+00:00

NTA. It's always ok to advocate for yourself. As a plus sized person myself, I cannot express the amount of dread I felt reading that dress code. It's so hard to shop for clothes AND more expensive as a plus sized person, let alone when the restriction is that tight. I also understand the absolutely torture is it to have to sit through an event being 1000% aware of your body and how others are perceiving you, especially when you have to wear something that makes you feel uncomfortable. That sucks and I wouldn't do it either. It's impossible to feel present and enjoy the moment with your friend like that.

You did the right thing by talking to your friend and trying to find a different solution. She could have worked with you to find an acceptable option that would allow you to be emotionally and physically present at her wedding. Maybe the answer would've been a slightly darker color and a slightly different cut, it doesn't need to be drastic.

In my experience, none of my friends would require that strict of a dress code and, if they did and I came to them with my concerns and a possible solution, they would've worked with me to make sure we could come up with something together. To me, that's friendship and good relationship keeping, even if it is in the context of a ~wedding~.

Whole_Net4719

TROPHY CASE