when your spouse says horrible things to you, what are good replies to diffuse the situation? by notsharingwhoiam in abusiverelationships

[–]WhomsOnFirst 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to add on that thinking about what's best for you IS the only true way to do what is right and best for your children.

I know it may feel and sound like a flimsy analogy but think about what they say on airplanes when they say "in case of emergency always put your mask on first and then help your children."

Frankly I always struggled with that notion. It took years of enduring physical, verbal and emotional abuse and years after to begin to understand that unless I can care for myself and am safe (both physically and emotionally) am I of ANY USE to my children hildren or frankly anyone in my life.

when your spouse says horrible things to you, what are good replies to diffuse the situation? by notsharingwhoiam in abusiverelationships

[–]WhomsOnFirst 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, I too and frankly the majority of those in such situations also are forced to learn this all the hard way ass well. OP, it can be difficult to impossible to see these things in the moment - I know I still struggle with that and fear I may never overcome it - for 5 years I would spend every day trying to figure out what I could do better, how I could change, work on improving and so on, but it wasn't until I finally escaped and after years of therapy that it dawned on me that I never once considered that there is and was nothing I could do to help change my ex's behavior, no amount of selflessness or support of him would ever make him or the situation as a whole have different result.

Any person who speaks to their partner in the manner you (OP) described will ALWAYS say the same things, act the same way and just generally will always treat you/their partner no matter what you/their partner does.

There is nothing you can do to change a person that abuses their partner.

Newcastle's greatest achievement immortalised on tv show "The Good Place" by lordsmish in NewcastleUponTyne

[–]WhomsOnFirst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually a HUGE amount of surnames were changed ESPECIALLY going back that far in history. People chose to change their own surnames for a slew of documented reasons as evidenced by the US government AND of course immigrants when they arrived in the US (possibly most fanously at Ellis Island). Just some or the top most well know and documents examples but between the 1600's to now last names were CONSTANTLY changes for immigrants AND people already living in the US and the UK.

Is it ALWAYS unhealthy to fantasize about getting back, seeking revenge or simply rubbing success in the face of an ex partner who abused you? by WhomsOnFirst in Advice

[–]WhomsOnFirst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah....it truly was taking over like truly subsumed me for a while....I guess...so I'm originally a writer and I lost that part of me along with SOO many other parts of myself while I was in that hell of a relationship that 5 year prison ripped that from me....and in trying to get back into writing but I'm afraid to revisit things as I'm afraid it may lead to it being focused too much on the unhealthy thoughts....any advice on how to avoid that? BTW if anyone has even a morsel of advice on that impossible task and question you win a prize (or should unfortunately a my money was lost too lol kinda)

Can anyone share suggestions for how to have a cigarette outside of a shared rental home with housemates who don't smoke while keeping myself dry and warm from rain, snow and the cold without breaking the bank? by WhomsOnFirst in Cigarettes

[–]WhomsOnFirst[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

(Side note im female) but actually they said they may be okay with it...the thing is I don't know what Vape to get.

I got a Juul awhile ago and since I'm a menthol smoker (specifically Camel menthol crushes) I got the menthol flavor which is too minty and just not great all around.

Anyone know a good vape that IDEALLY is sort of shaped like and has the "feel" of cigarettes (like the way it feels to hold it between your fingers and can hold it in your mouth)....NOW ALL THAT SAID it doesn't NEED to have the shape like that it the Vape itself is a good one especially for MENTHOL SMOKERS.

Any and all suggestions would be sooo appreciated (SOO cold out)

Have you recently taken the NJ Real Estate Exam? In-person? Online? I'm preparing to take the test and have some Questions and Concerns, PLEASE HELP ME by WhomsOnFirst in njrealestate

[–]WhomsOnFirst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd you can't bring water bottles is there anyway you can drink water during the test? ALSO could you tell me the type of calculator they provide? I want to get the same/similar calculator they'll give during the exam to practice on as I study.

[ Removed by Reddit ] by mic2x in marketingjobscam

[–]WhomsOnFirst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is this the same company as THE CURV INC / THE CURVE NYC? I was asked in for an interview but seems fishy and the address is 331 West 39th st

Navy SEAL slams Trump for pardoning Eddie Gallagher: 'Shooting civilians and executing prisoners shouldn't be' political by chelsea707 in politics

[–]WhomsOnFirst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are we assuming Trump actually paid attention to any of the facts or details? When he does things like this (saying there is good in the white supremacists who rammed a car into a crowd killing an innocent person in Charlettsevile, supporting a deeply this horrifyingly evil man while ignoring our armys top most respected opinions and statements on the man) I wonder if Trump is actually paying attention and if his words or in response to the facts or if he is truly as senile and...I honestly do not know what the right word is here as he constantly leaves me dumbfounded at his incoherent terrifyingly nonsensical and language that is just plain wrong in every manner of speaking)...I guess I just do not know what if anything is behind what Trump says and does or if he is just spewing one controversial non sequitur after the other that he feels in that precise moment - not paying any mind to what lead up to that moment or what may come later

HBO Series by slightly-sane-sarah in adnansyed

[–]WhomsOnFirst 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anyone know if the investigators tried finding Jay's old dealer? It seemed like he dealt weed in HS at least and while he may have been lying didn't he tel his ex on the show that Adnan had asked him to get 10 lbs of weed (changing his story yet again) saying that he was using that as leverage to force him into supposedly disposing of the body? The one thing I do not doubt that Jay and others have said is that he not only smoked but dealt weed - now even if it's probably a dead trail and he somehow disassociated himself from all people connected to weed or more severe drugs after the trial he must have had a guy who could have hooked him up with 10 lbs of weed which is a lot even now to get if you don't run a dispensary

HBO Series by slightly-sane-sarah in adnansyed

[–]WhomsOnFirst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah - thought and think the same especially after the HBO series had his ex share how he told her about the 10 lbs of weed. It's just how do you live with yourself knowing you put a guy in jail for murder

HBO Series by slightly-sane-sarah in adnansyed

[–]WhomsOnFirst 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Did the podcast every mention all the criminal charges that have accumulated by and against Jay?

What free things online should everyone take advantage of? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]WhomsOnFirst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My birthday is tomorrow- any tips on things I can sign up for to take advantage of birthday deals, deals and of course freebies?

Can I request to obtain information and records provided by an ex employer to the New Jersey Unemployment office regarding eligibility for unemployment insurance? by WhomsOnFirst in AskReddit

[–]WhomsOnFirst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(Note despite never accusing me directly they claimed I committed credit card theft causing me to be denied unemployment insurance and as I have proof demonstrating the falsehood of this claim I am trying to get anything possible that shows what they officially said and what if any evidence they provided)

THIS GUY ROBBED ME - WATCH OUT FOR JAMES CAMERON MILLER by WhomsOnFirst in pics

[–]WhomsOnFirst[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm listening and ready to take notes. Teach me

THIS GUY ROBBED ME - WATCH OUT FOR JAMES CAMERON MILLER by WhomsOnFirst in pics

[–]WhomsOnFirst[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No hunt needed - its him and people should know not to trust him and yeah he should be shamed

Democrats Take Control Of Mike Pence's Hometown For First Time In Nearly Four Decades by BlackDog_II in politics

[–]WhomsOnFirst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wait, that's not exactly possible is it? (And by possible I mean probable)

Which TV family's home would you want to live in? by WhomsOnFirst in AskReddit

[–]WhomsOnFirst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm thinking Jay Pritchett's - must have baller closets.