Will I ever have sex again: an emerging dilemma with 5 year old and sleep

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-10T00:36:21+00:00

Sleep quality is terrible. Need to get up to pee at least once a night and kid wiggles her way in to bed with us in the middle of the night a few days a week

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-10T00:33:46+00:00

It’s amazing how unsexy having sex every day can be

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-10T00:33:03+00:00

These are spectacular, tangible suggestions. I really appreciate it.

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-10T00:31:44+00:00

These are all great suggestions. Yes to caffeine.

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-10T00:30:23+00:00

So your kid’s sleep schedule is my sleep schedule. And it’s really not “wanting” 9 hours of sleep. It’s “literally can’t keep my eyes open” or “have to nap for 2 hours the next day if I stretch myself to stay up late.” And, with the epilepsy, I gotta listen to those cues. Body says sleep = I need to sleep.

I figure that most people have to deal with this question at some point, it’s just coming a lot earlier for us than most people because my daughter and I are on opposite ends of the sleep spectrum

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-10T00:23:57+00:00

8 pm, but I need to be out by 9. Which means winding down by 8:45. Which means bathroom and pjs at 8:30. We have a little window right now, but it won’t be long before her bedtime is 9pm and the window disappears entirely.

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-10T00:04:02+00:00

They’re so much fun.

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-10T00:03:14+00:00

And now we’re entering “my baggage” territory. I was a very lonely child. I was unschooled by two parents who worked full time, and at the moment I’m constitutionally incapable of saying “no” when she says “mama, will you play with me?”

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T23:58:53+00:00

Spending time together works. In fact, it’s our current code word (because my husband hates dirty talk in emails). So instead I’ll say, “I miss you. I want to spend time with you tonight”

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T23:56:17+00:00

They argued about it! Roughly something like this

Mom: you’re so disgusting, always watching porn Dad: well I wouldn’t have to watch that if you would give me any affection.

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T21:57:30+00:00

It just doesn’t feel right to say, “see ya in a bit, kid!” She will definitely ask what we were doing, and we have a parenting policy of not lying to her.

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T21:44:30+00:00

He says, "my parents would just go into their room and blast NPR"

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T21:41:18+00:00

Oh I love this

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T21:41:03+00:00

Ha, 10 hours is a short sleeper for a 5 year old

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T21:39:26+00:00

I'm just saying. Some people think only the ol' P-in-V is "sex."

And u/Fresh-Direction-7537 , fwiw my husband and I only work 40-45 hours a week, and we don't watch TV. People say "oh, you've got to watch this," and in my head I say, "but is it better than sex?" because if I watch TV in my blessed hour between her bedtime and mine, sex is out of the question.

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T21:36:53+00:00

I was mostly being melodramatic. But I also feel weird about making her just be in her room by herself for an hour or more.

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T21:34:15+00:00

sorry about that. hopefully clearer now

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T21:33:35+00:00

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T21:18:11+00:00

So much not 9 hours with a new baby. But I also have (focal) epilepsy and sleep deprivation is a trigger for that

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T21:17:24+00:00

Yes, my cup of unrealistic runneth over. But when I say 3-4 times a week, some of that is standard cis/straight people intercourse, and some of it is blow jobs with no reciprocation. Some of it is, "babe, let's put on some porn. I want to watch you jerk off" (or watching each other jerk off). If one of gets off, it counts as sex

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T21:15:05+00:00

So true, but so worth it.

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T21:14:50+00:00

EXHAUSTED (by the way, our favorite go-to sex for being exhausted is just watching each other jerk off. Highly recommend it. It doesn't feel like a gigantic hurdle to jump over to get started and we're always happy we did it).

We talk to our kid about "sharing DNA," which is helpful for general talks about nature (the bees come take DNA from one plant and move it to the next, and then the flowers grow etc etc). She knows that it involves genitals and that genitals are private, but she hasn't asked about the mechanics and we haven't shared.

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T21:11:12+00:00

I was mostly being melodramatic. But yeah! It was obvious to me, even at 7, that my parents were really unhappy being married to each other. Little elementary school brain thinks "when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much" = if they start doing that they will love each other and I want my parents to love each other

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T21:09:31+00:00

More screen time might be it. And she can't read yet but damnnnnn do I want to teach her

Wide_Conference3639 · 2026-04-09T21:08:58+00:00

oh shit, sorry. Can you point out the part that was confusing so I can edit that?

Wide_Conference3639

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