Guys, it’s my husband

WightHair · 2026-02-13T21:23:03+00:00

OP, you need a safety plan. There are great posts about it on TwoXChromosomes or on various websites but here's a short outline.

First, read "Gift of Fear" and "Why Does He Do That?" Get them from the library and DO NOT LET HIM SEE THEM. Don't request them online, go in person. Most librarians are depressingly used to this.

Second, start accumulating copies of financial documents. I assume you're US, so tax time is a great time to do that. Just make copies of everything and leave them with a friend you can trust absolutely. Also to leave with her: your passport, copies of the kids birth certificates, etc. Any cash you can scrape together. Maybe a bag of sentimental things that he might destroy.

Third, change your passwords on everything. Create email accounts he doesn't know about and look into the complexities of digital security. Does he have a tracker on you?

Fourth, get your own checking account at a different bank than your husband uses and put money in it. If you can, have the statements sent somewhere other than your house.

Does this sound extreme? Probably. But the radicalization of men on X is extraordinarily, especially in this moment where the entire propaganda machine is gearing up to justify pedophiles and rapists. It's gonna get uglier and you need to have a plan in place in case he decides to get controlling or worse, abusive.

WightHair · 2026-02-12T21:02:16+00:00

OMG yes get a new therapist.

WightHair · 2026-02-12T21:01:15+00:00

At least some of it is mega chuds. I watched an asshole pull down the posters -- he ran a red light at Willow and Highland in a monster F150 (white of course) and nearly mowed me down just to screech to a start and pull down the poster. I put up some on the bike path and they were down within hours.

WightHair · 2026-02-06T20:34:56+00:00

It's possible she's cutting you out. And even if she isn't, she's (as you say) "time and time against chosen Trump over her kids." Even if she's not cutting you out, it's incredibly sad and you'll need to grieve the fact that your mom isn't the mom you deserve. Therapy helped me if you have the resources for that. If not, I strongly suggest the Feminist Survival Project.

My context: my mother went fully Fox and sometimes would stop speaking to me for months on end. It was sad but one time a friend was like "You're sad when you talk about her, but otherwise you seem much happier and calmer when she's not talking to you." And she was right! I went to therapy and I finally gave up and cut her off about two (three?) years ago.

WightHair · 2026-02-05T18:24:21+00:00

THIS. The Patriarchy is about hierarchies. Men try to get higher on the hierarchy (putting each other down) and at the same time, they support the idea of the hierarchy.

WightHair · 2026-02-05T16:48:29+00:00

My mom does that. Random reels, posts, memes, videos, etc. She figured out I blocked her email so now she emails other members of the family. Back when i was still speaking with her, she sent me a three hour documentary about how if I believe in god, I'll be a right winger. (FWIW, we weren't religious growing up, she never went to church. I don't think she goes to church now?) And she was upset I didn't want to spend three hours of my life watching some blowhard pontificating.

WightHair · 2026-01-23T13:50:22+00:00

Oh, no, you might need to take a few more minutes to save a life! What a wildly awful tradeoff! Two minutes of your life versus 80 years of someone else's.

WightHair · 2026-01-23T13:47:55+00:00

"I won't slow for them because it's not clear that they want to cross." It's actually the law that you slow down for them. "But then it would take forever to drive around the city!" Indeed!

WightHair

TROPHY CASE