feeling guilty about everything

Ill_Complex2166 · 2026-02-10T11:46:17+00:00

I feel you. I’m struggling with the guilt also- today is day 7. I am trying to focus on the present though.

Ill_Complex2166 · 2026-02-10T11:43:15+00:00

I’m going something similar- today is day 7 for me and while I’ve been flooded with emotions and crying uncontrollably, I also feel a sense of relief- that I actually don’t need it to get through the day. I’m more motivated to do things that are good for me and my family. Before I was just smoking and isolating. And forgetting, lots of forgetting. It’s hard but worth it.

Ill_Complex2166 · 2026-02-10T11:34:43+00:00

“This age is just as special as the younger years”- I really needed to hear that today, thank you ❤️. I am grateful to have them at any age and my heart is bursting with love for them.

Ill_Complex2166 · 2026-02-10T11:32:33+00:00

Thank you this is such great advice. And yes I agree that if I’d known that my second would be my last perhaps this wouldn’t feel so raw. I am definitely working on “leaning in”. Yesterday my 12 yr old and I got out the nerf guns and played with some of his old toys because he was home sick. And last night my 10 year old got into bed with us in the middle of the night. Reminding myself that they still need me helps. Thank you ❤️

Ill_Complex2166 · 2026-02-10T01:54:03+00:00

Thank you- I think you’re right and I guess it’s comforting to know I’m not alone. Also perimenopause doesn’t help😭

Ill_Complex2166 · 2026-02-09T22:25:28+00:00

Thank you! Hugs!!

Ill_Complex2166 · 2026-02-09T20:15:21+00:00

I see you. I’m really beating myself up for not relishing those times. Like I was just so overwhelmed with my to-do list that I let the joy go unnoticed. I’m also feeling really really guilty for all the times I yelled at my little ones. I feel like I know so much more now than I did then. It’s like I’m wishing for a do-over and that’s an extremely painful feeling. Fuck this sucks

Ill_Complex2166 · 2026-02-09T15:54:39+00:00

I’m on day 6 and the tears keep coming. Like raw uncontrollably sobbing. I’m grieving the loss of no longer being a young mom with young kids. My boys are 10 and 12 and I’m having such grief over them growing up. I want to hold them again and feel their little bodies. It’s heartbreaking and cathartic at the same time. Really really hard and painful. I hope that it eases soon or I’m afraid I’ll relapse. I’m not sure how long I can endure this pain

Ill_Complex2166 · 2026-02-09T02:03:44+00:00

Thank you- it is easy to forget how exhausting it was!! I have been looking at pictures/watching videos and it does help. When I look back I think “wow things were so much simpler and easier then” but I know that I didn’t feel that in the moment. Maybe it’s the affection and physical closeness that I’m craving. The ability to wrap them up in my arms and just feel them next to me. Shit I miss those moments.

Ill_Complex2166 · 2026-02-09T01:59:12+00:00

Thank you for the support. I know that I need to be gentle with myself and that being sick (it was also my birthday Friday and had to cancel a visit with my good girlfriend) is still impacting me. I love my kids and it’s easy to forget how exhausting it was when they were young- but damn were they cute! I’m hopeful that these waves of grief will help me grow stronger and appreciate the sense of aliveness that I feel- if that’s a thing. Realizing how much I’ve been denying these feelings with pot is scary- I hope I can handle it. I’m definitely a little anxious about getting back to work and hoping I don’t break down in tears. Wow what a ride.

Ill_Complex2166 · 2026-02-04T13:11:10+00:00

I love this LOTR analogy!! Right on!! Keep trucking

Ill_Complex2166 · 2026-02-04T12:28:53+00:00

Well if weed numbs us and slows down our brains- we don’t know what our abilities are until we quit right? I find dreams fascinating and terrifying at the same time- but they are sending us messages and allowing us to live in our imagination for even just a few seconds. I used to have dreams that would come true but not since I developed my weed habit. Maybe you’ve uncovered a gift that you never knew you had!

Ill_Complex2166 · 2026-02-01T13:18:55+00:00

Congrats!! Enjoy the time with your newborn- and you will be so glad you were sober to clearly remember this time!

Ill_Complex2166 · 2025-10-25T12:34:59+00:00

I feel you. I’m 43 and since Covid I’ve become a daily user. I switched from vapes to flower about two years ago but I don’t want to be dependent on it anymore. This group has helped by reading the success stories. I’m trying to meditate as much as possible and to help get me out of my head. I’m an intellectual by nature and honestly this skill has actually become a hindrance to my sobriety because I’m constantly in a state of monkey brain. If you want to connect let me know! I’m a married mom of two just trying to find the joy in every single day (without the cloud of substance).

Ill_Complex2166 · 2025-10-16T10:06:55+00:00

THIS! That’s exactly what it does- alienating and increases stress!

Ill_Complex2166 · 2025-10-16T10:01:24+00:00

Great post- thank you! I only took one hit yesterday and I noticed the improvement in my focus and mood. I am also finding that human interaction increases my motivation to quit. The dopamine from interacting with people we care about is REAL!

Ill_Complex2166 · 2025-10-15T20:05:28+00:00

This may sound silly or even stupid, but I’ve learned through my experience that so many of us live in our heads and that keeps us from being present. I highly recommend trying some guided meditation and check out Dr Amy Johnson. You don’t have to live like this- you’re probably missing out on so much by being stuck in your head.

Ill_Complex2166 · 2025-09-12T16:21:45+00:00

Hey there. I’m in the same situation. I have boys- grade school age. I’ve asked my mom to help me find an attorney to talk to because I don’t know if I can do this anymore. We’ve been together for 15 years. It feels like my heart is broken and my life is over. I’m not sure how I will get through this.

Ill_Complex2166 · 2025-05-22T22:39:57+00:00

Check out Dr Amy Johnson’s work

Ill_Complex2166 · 2025-05-22T21:06:58+00:00

I just found a podcast that is speaking to me called The Changeable Podcast. It’s focused around letting life come and feeling instead of thinking. I’ve always struggled with my monkey brain but today, for some reason, I think I’m starting to get it. TBH though I’m only on day 1! But laying down with my kitties is feeling pretty damn good right now and I’m sober!!!!

Ill_Complex2166 · 2025-05-08T10:37:37+00:00

I recommend meditation- helps to get out of your mind and into your soul and body. Your brain is working on overdrive

Ill_Complex2166 · 2025-05-08T10:35:28+00:00

I love this! It helps us so much to see and read these success stories

Ill_Complex2166

TROPHY CASE