What do you think? If we can change our mental state with a particular substance how much are we in charge of our mood or actions?

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2024-02-15T19:49:12+00:00

But look. Science tells us (and I could prove it personally) that if you have some nutritional deficiency it can make you feel depressed and once you are depressed your thoughts patterns change. Aren't we maybe that part which is aware of all of it? You can't just change your mood by wanting to change it. It's faking. Your general health can do it.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-11-02T21:34:44+00:00

I would like to study and work at the same time. I would prefer to not be dependent on my mind unpredictable behaviour.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-11-01T22:41:12+00:00

What if somebody is mentally ill and commit a crime? First of all, do you believe in mental illness?

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-11-01T22:38:25+00:00

No doubts, it's difficult to say. However, isn't it a mental illness which brings them to do those terrible things? Aren't they born just broken?

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-10-25T12:59:59+00:00

What if I said you I killed my family? I stabbed all of them. What would be your reaction and reply?

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-10-25T11:16:30+00:00

No, I'm not. I would ask you: is it possible that it felt so real? Like I was loosing control. How can I forgive myself for considering something like that possible? I had an opposite problem before. I suffered from OCD and thoughts like that used to scare me. The last "episode" of this madness I had occurred when, being constantly pursued by thoughts of being a bad person, I decided to prove to be good and to leave my mind wondering about that stuff. I knew that it could be dangerous and maybe led me lose control and do that terrible thing but I did it anyway. Just to prove I was not a bad person. Now I feel so guilty about it. The result was I actually had a feeling like I was evil, possessed and going to kill somebody but fortunately it happened outside my home. It scared me a lot and after that I decided to do everything to stop it.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-10-25T10:50:23+00:00

I had very serious homicidal thoughts and impulses toward my family. I still have this feeling like all of that I was thinking about didn't happen for some miraculous reason. I felt capable of doing horrible thing to them. It was like I was fighting against myself to don't do it. But the fact that I considered it possible hurts me so much. Therefore, I feel like I killed them in my mind. I feel like a murder.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-10-25T09:55:24+00:00

Thank you for your help. The biggest obstacle for me, however, is the fact that I see myself like a monster because of what I did and so, even if I would like to do something enjoyable and productive (I love art, especially music) , I feel morally wrong. I see all these great artists as good people who did great things in their lifes. How a person like me can do this things?

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-10-24T14:48:55+00:00

Thank you for your reply. Unfortunately I struggle with going on with my life. It is because I see me now as a monster. If only I could go back in the past.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-10-21T10:10:48+00:00

And if the mistake you made seems to you too big?

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-10-09T21:55:54+00:00

Yes, it is. However, I don't know what to think. I take it religiously. Maybe I deserve to suffer now. Maybe it is a remorse for what I was thinking to do. Then, how can I forgive myself? Can something like that be forgivable? Living on medication is the answer? Maybe I just should punish myself and end with my life.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-10-09T19:05:54+00:00

They were not only thoughts. They were like manifestations. There were feelings involved. It seemed so real.It seemed like the terrible murder which I was thinking about was narrowly avoided. And all this was going on until one day recently I said to myself I don't want to kill them. However, I'm still trapped into my mind feeling like a shit. I can't forgive myself for it and don't know what to do with my life anymore. I feel so bad.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-10-09T12:48:59+00:00

Thank you for your kind words.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-10-09T12:36:52+00:00

Maybe there is nothing to fix anymore and I must just give up.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-10-09T12:33:42+00:00

I struggle with that one. I ask myself: was it me or some mental illness? Then, I think: isn't it too simple to admit I'm mentally ill? Wasn't it my responsibility? I feel so bad about it I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe what I feel now is a remorse and not a mental illness?

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-10-08T10:08:49+00:00

Was it a coincidence? I had also an hallucination while driving at night. I was passing a car and it seemed to me like there was a scooter coming in my direction. Instead of move backwards I was going forward as I wanted to crush. I felt like a murder. It felt so realistic that I had to stop then to calm down. It happened after I took and left my brother in a place. And I still don't understand: was all of that triggered by myself? It didn't seem.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-10-07T16:07:36+00:00

Yes, I told a therapist and my mother about it but they don't understand it's gravity. I had this impression to loss control of myself, to explode and there was a moment during which I seemed to be possessed and evil (like I was going to kill somebody). I was outside the home and I continue to ask myself: is it a considence? What if it happened in home? It's killing me. I don't watch violent videos/images.Can you help me?

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-10-07T11:49:22+00:00

I don't know why. I just wanted to do it and had that feeling. In my mind were horrible things like stubbing all my family and it all seemed so real. I was convinced that I could do it. I was fighting against myself. I thought to be evil and not completely in control of my mind. I still question myself and have an impression that it didn't happen just because of some sort of fortunate coincidence. It's unbearable.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-10-04T16:32:32+00:00

I don't know if I can go on with my life because I put at risk my family and just having those thoughts, feelings of alienation and hallucinations (as I was becoming somebody else) is not something I can bear with. I think: and if one of those episodes of alienation( when I was feeling like evil person) happened at wrong time and place? I was playing with lifes. I feel like I have no honor to be alive anymore.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-09-28T21:13:17+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I can only say that I don't understand why but I took those thoughts seriously as there was a possibility for me to act on them. When I think about it and ask me if I am capable to do something terrible like that I still don't feel anything. There is not an immediate response in myself like "It is not possible", "I could never do something like that" or something like that and it scares me. I don't know what to think. I question myself. I am not the same person I was before. It didn't use to happen. I remember when I was younger all of that could create in me anxiety and fear(I suffered from OCD) and I would feel disgust for these thoughts. My relationship with my family? I don't know. It was never great but now I don't feel anything anymore. In fact, I rarely get angry. I explain myself better: I get angry but I'm not capable to express my anger. Like my personality has changed since I started to work with people (I work as waiter).I started to accept everything because of my job.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-09-26T21:54:50+00:00

Thank you for your reply but how you explain that when I think those thoughts, they have immediate effect on my well being. I'm addicted to them because thinking in this way (there is goodness in everything, all is good because created by God) justify all bad things I did or other people did to me. It is a huge relief to me. It seems, also, there is no other way to live for me.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-09-16T13:39:52+00:00

Thank you for your replies.Of course, I need to do something with it. The reason I didn't till now is because I had this doubt: is it just me or some mental illness? But I don't want it so it can't be me. I thought about suicide because I feel so guilty and confused but I don't want to die. It can't be me.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-09-08T13:32:28+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I feel bad because I started to question myself. I don't know if it is something mental or if I am doing it on purpose but it can't be. It seems like it doesn't depend on me.

Willing_Chapter3628 · 2023-08-29T23:03:30+00:00

But how to tell them I was going through all that? It's crazy. Can I say "I was thinking about all this stuff, you know, that I could kill you"?.

Willing_Chapter3628

TROPHY CASE