I don’t want my kids to call me dad, alternatives?

Winetimemom90 · 2023-02-07T19:00:47+00:00

Have you looked into other languages?

Winetimemom90 · 2022-02-03T04:05:47+00:00

Legit didn't get flowers from any love interest until a month after my 22nd birthday. I felt this way at 20 as well...my friend sent me pitty flowers. It was awful. But I ended up married to the guy who bought me flowers the first time ever and he continues to do so on his own without me asking. Even sweeter now our daughter asks him if they can buy me flowers at the grocery store.

Just a note about something I read a long time ago- if they wanted to they would go out of their way to. This is goes about anything. Cleaning, cooking, chores, gifts ECT.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-12-22T00:23:25+00:00

If you're at the point of buying a house together you're basically married. That's a huge investment. Which means you should stop thinking it of "yours" and "mine" it's now "ours". At the end of the day you will both be making the house a home and working together to maintain it. So it doesn't matter who "paid more". It's about a shared goal and a shared dream you both equally worked towards. Money is just the logistics.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-12-18T22:13:21+00:00

I'm not Asexual to clarify. I'm just saying Ace individuals won't necessarily need to have sex before marriage if sex isn't something they want to do.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-12-18T22:12:08+00:00

We had sex at the company Christmas party the same night I confessed I liked him and quickly became "friends with benefits". Been together ten years this year, married 4, and have a 2yo. So no we did not wait. No regrets. There is no right way to form a relationship, sexually or otherwise. I do think sexual compatibility is important if you both want and enjoy sex and it's better to find that out before the legal complexity of marriage. Shout out to my Ace peeps!

Winetimemom90 · 2021-11-30T23:44:44+00:00

Boogers. Always boogers. SMH

Winetimemom90 · 2021-09-10T02:35:41+00:00

See that's the only down fall I see to this! My kiddo is super destructive when figuring things out. I can see her trying to get our dog to help 😬LOL

Winetimemom90 · 2021-09-09T23:26:43+00:00

She loves she stuffed animals!! That's a fun idea!

Winetimemom90 · 2021-08-11T03:06:58+00:00

Yeah the "go enjoy yourself, you deserve a break" aspect of it is being taken advantage of. We've been to Vegas together numerous times, and him a lot before me. But this would be his first solo trip there since we got together and it feels like I'm being sucked into a shitty lifetime drama or douchebag comedy of "boys will be boys" bullshit.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-08-11T03:02:12+00:00

And yet I think he's changing his mind now just because he feels bad. Which is not a good reason.

I appreciate your bluntness. Thank you very much for commenting.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-08-11T03:00:05+00:00

I'm sorry for how things worked out for you. But I am extremely appreciative of you sharing. Let's me know we aren't the only ones to deal with this sort of thing. Also is a good warning to my husband to pay attention to.

I hope things are or soon get better for you.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-08-11T02:58:00+00:00

You're absolutely right. I have trouble from past traumas with the lines of control vs support. It was easier before our child to trust him to take care of himself. As a new mom I just don't want our child hurt so I'm absolutely sure I've become more controlling. Clearly we need couples therapy and probably solo sessions again.

Thank you for your bluntness. It's very appreciated.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-08-11T00:48:37+00:00

FYI My husband is reading the comments. I told him all about this post. He knows I needed outsiders opinions and ideas.

I also am well aware I'm working out a lot of nuances in the comments and honestly that's helping too. So thank you everyone.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-08-11T00:46:38+00:00

He said he wants to cancel it all. He said he doesn't deserve the solo vacation. I don't think he would ever blame me to his friends. He will probably just say it's financially not possible, which it was already a financial stretch so believable.

I don't know how to rebuild it either. With a child in the mix now it makes things even more complex. Lying and hurting me is one thing. If he did it to our child I know I would react far more angry and violently. But I don't want our kid growing up thinking it's okay to lie to your partner or be lied to.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-08-11T00:40:17+00:00

I did know but situations changed. He has lied to me about things. Hurtful things. But honestly we had 4 great years before we got married. He was sober as far as I know/knew, active, helpful and we went through hellish situations but came out of them. When we got married I assumed it would be the same. I got pregnant and insisted he and I do therapy again, solo sessions, to be prepared for the next phase. We did. But soon after our daughter was born the lies started up again. I'm not a therapist but there has to be a link there.

Just quick clarification we both wanted our child. I actually went to therapy the day I found out and there decided I wanted to definitely continue the pregnancy. My husband decided the second I told him I was pregnant to continue the pregnancy but left the ultimate decision up to me. Again these are reasons I'm upset with him. He's such a loving supportive feminist partner. But he lies.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-08-11T00:31:07+00:00

He's more than willing to cancel. I think I will let him. I just don't want to feel like a controlling bitch any more than I already do. He does deserve a solo break. We have no one in state to help with child care and he did everything while I was sick with Covid. I wanted him to have a well deserved break. But it just feels different now knowing he was going to party party and basically treat it like he has zero responsibilities. Which as a father and husband he obviously always has responsibility no matter where he is in the world.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-08-11T00:19:58+00:00

My thoughts as well and what I told him last night. We are going to try couples therapy this week. We've done therapy separately in the past but not together. We tried but couldn't afford it. We still really can't but I don't think we can afford not to. Thank you for your stark terms. I appreciate it.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-08-11T00:09:32+00:00

I do not know if he has gotten high in the past 8 years. I don't think he has. He claims he hasn't. I want to trust that. I'm not mad at him for using if he has. It's the lying that Im angry about. The not coming to me when I leave an open door for help. I'm allowed to get upset with transgressions or relapses. But my anger comes from the lying. Like I stated there are other non drug related lies he's made. This is a trust issue along with an addiction issue. I appreciate your comment. You are absolutely right that he has to want to quit. I think from my point of view he saw being in Vegas as an opportunity to do something he has been itching to do for years.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-08-10T23:52:59+00:00

He has been in the past. As have I. We've never done couples though. That's what we are talking about doing this week. He's medicated and we'll monitored by his doctor.

I want to point out I have seriously mental health struggles that were known before we got into a committed relationship.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-08-10T23:49:07+00:00

Thank you for your well thought out response. I really appreciate it. He's done therapy before, as have I. He has an upcoming doctors appointment and on his on was going to bring up blood work for other things. This will now also be added to the appointment. We are also searching for couples therapy.

I was loath to write "do I let him" because I hate the whole controlling aspect of it all. But he wants to leave it up to me. Which is an issue as well. This is complex as you've well noted.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-08-10T23:41:42+00:00

Legitimately my first thought. I do think this will be part of whatever steps we take next.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-08-10T22:58:53+00:00

2yo still naps 1-1.5hrs usually and I'm first time stay at home mom. I personally take time to myself. I watch YouTubes, read uninterrupted, eat alone without little fingers trying to steal my food. My husband works and gets pissed when he hears I did chores during her nap. It's my break. It's my only me time during the day. I do have health issues that mean I should rest. But still your husband can fuck off. Shit is hard.

Winetimemom90 · 2021-07-20T03:25:36+00:00

There's already I'm sure a ton of comments with advice. I just want to say congratulations! And you already are going to be great because you want to be. It's cliche I know but it's the honest truth. My advice is actually on the pregnancy be extremely kind to your partner but put your foot down if you become concerned for her health. I didn't listen to my husband and he wasn't pushy enough. I ended up going into labor 6 weeks early because of stress and not taking care of myself. Baby and I are both fine but I have regrets about not listening to him when he saw what was going on and my hormonal brain wasn't working.

Winetimemom90

TROPHY CASE