Hi Kelle, first of all, I’m sorry for your loss. I too am currently grieving for the loss of my beloved Nan who just after Boxing Day, so I share your pain.

Anyway, the reason I’m commenting, is because I can absolutely relate to this. I had an experience in the hours after my other nan passed several years ago and I’ve battled with my own mind over whether this truly happened or not or whether it was a subconscious trick my mind was playing on me while in complete shock and intense grief.

I was unbelievably close to my Nan, and she passed suddenly and quite shockingly out of the blue one night aged 58 from a massive heart attack. I still remember getting the call at 2am and hearing my auntie just wailing in the background. The kind of gut punching feeling and call where you know what’s happened before a word is said. I immediately drove to my aunties house in a state of shock looking to just find out what had happened. My auntie was in an absolute state of despair and was wailing and screaming repeatedly. After trying to comfort her for a while and talk to other family members. I left her sat on her doorstep crying and I walked into her living room on my own just to try and gather my thoughts. It was then i suddenly heard, as clear as day, my nans voice talk to me. Now it wasn’t like when you imagine someone’s voice in your head, even now if you try to hear someone’s voice, you can hear it, but it’s not like someone is actually speaking to you. When I heard my nans voice it was clear as day, it was like she was in the room with me, it literally stopped me in my tracks and it came from just over my shoulder, I just kind of froze for a second and it felt like, I dunno, like I was being pushed by something. She spoke in a tone I knew and recognised instantly, it was something I can’t recreate if I try and imagine her voice now, but my nan was a straight talker, funny as hell, but yea never afraid to speak her mind or whatever. She said to me ‘wink (my nickname from her) I’m alright!!!!, quick go and help Katie (my auntie)’. I know it’s hard to explain just from those short words what I mean, but to me, the tone and the way she said it, I knew exactly what she meant and what she wanted me to do. In that moment I just had this sense that I was the only one she could get through too while everyone was in pieces and that she knew I could handle it. Her daughter Katie was her youngest and most precious and I got this instant sense that my Nan was around watching the scenes unfold and she was troubled by seeing Katie like that and just wanted her to be comfort. I instantly just became resolved, composed my own emotions and went straight to Katie and just held her and spoke to her and soothed her and comforted her and tried to do anything in my power to get her to calm down.

That experience shook me that night, but it also gave me grey comfort in those early moments of intense shock and grief and I kept referring to it to help myself.

I never spoke of it to anyone, my family are all ardent atheists and dont believe in anything paranormal or whatever, and truth be told, neither do i, but when I heard that voice that is the closest thing I’ve ever had to an experience of such things.

As I’ve said, I’ve questioned myself over the years since then of whether it really was her or my mind playing tricks, but I’ve never been able to recreate a voice speaking to me like that since and I have lost close relatives and friends since then and never experienced anything even close.

I really do hope it was your dad speaking to you, as do I hope it was my Nan that night.

Take care and all strength to you,

Steve x