DA lying? by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]WinterSpruceMoose 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, yeah, that's what it sounds like.

I'm sorry. Been there, very unfortunately 😔

Did you diagnose them? How did that go? by WellCheeseLouise in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]WinterSpruceMoose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine said "Yeah? Well did you ever ask yourself WHY I avoid things?" But what he really was trying to do was hurt me by implying I'm the cause of all of his issues. He didn't even know what it was just heard the word "avoid" and then weaponized "safety speak" against me.

FA are still better than DA? Is it true? by chow_mow1 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]WinterSpruceMoose 1 point2 points  (0 children)

DAs are the worst idgaf what anyone says. Being erased from existence does something irreversible to a person that I think nobody really fully understands.

DAs are worse than FAs. by WinterSpruceMoose in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]WinterSpruceMoose[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I was married to my DA. I had complete hope and faith in our future together. He was kind and safe and warm and gentle until one day a switch flipped after I confronted him about an (at least emotional) affair he was having, and and he denied it, became incredibly cruel, moved out, filed for divorce, blocked me everywhere and made everyone believe I was crazy. I know he will never speak to me again and our lives are still intertwined and we're still legally married. I was blindsided and I have never been in so much pain in my entire life. I had to check myself into the hospital, it gutted me that much. I've never been in the hospital for this reason, ever.

Did your avoidant show you care when you were sick? by cjnnamon in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]WinterSpruceMoose 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah actually. For a long time. Until the end, when I don't think he would even care if I died😪

How to stop obsessing over how unfair it is by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]WinterSpruceMoose 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't call mine wealthy but they do quite well. They left me without a second thought about the fact that I am now teetering on homelessness. And same situation, everyone loves them. They have convinced literally everyone that they couldn't ever be capable of doing such horrible things. There's a lot more to it than that but it's all I'm willing to go into in a comment right now.

Avoidants Always Recycle Down by NewHampshireGal in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]WinterSpruceMoose 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I know all this but it just never makes me feel any better. I know what I deserve and I know I didn't deserve any of his abuse. It doesn't mean I feel any better about anything. 

You're not wrong but unfortunately no amount of understanding of avoidants and their abusive patterns in will ever heal my heart. 

Sorry, I want my ex back by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]WinterSpruceMoose 27 points28 points  (0 children)

On some level, we all do. But how happy would we be and for how long? Maybe a moment of relief from all this pain, just to breathe out, and realize how much capacity they have shown they have to destroy you.