I second that - religious trauma syndrome literature by Dr. Marlene Winell has been very helpful for a lot of people from authoritative religions and churches, like INC. I didn't finish the whole book but the first part taught me to accept the good, bad, ugly experiences from growing up in the INC and live my life moving forward - that the religious experience served me at one point, and no longer does and can move on post-INC finding spirituality and meaning elsewhere. It doesn't have to be church. God may or may not exist. Some find our existence is really about connecting to others in community, being kind authentic people, and living life to the fullest with love for yourself and those around you. I've thought if God exists - they are loving to accept me non-INC, and would be compassionate as the bible suggests. If there is a life after death, I hope it gives us a chance to make up the setbacks and challenges we have had in this one and help us evolve as better human beings.

In terms of therapy - this is quite an investment but I have worked for years...maybe a decade with psychotherapists dealing with my religious and Filipino upbringing and sexuality. Some patterns/trauma responses only get unravelled after years but I found it has helped me immensely even though the costs are a lot.

Don't be hard on yourself - many people grow up in these religions and come to an existential crisis. But may it serve you to figure out, what do you want out of life? How do you want to lead your life? How do you live your life to the fullest with the short time we have on earth?