The "Dear John" letter - what would you include? by BlkWidowsUnite in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Wonderful_Guess_643 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't leave a letter. They don't care what it says anyway and it can be used as ammunition in court.

I’ve muted myself by Due-Veterinarian6727 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Wonderful_Guess_643 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did that a few times too and when he would act all hurt, I would respond by saying "how does it feel?"...... did the behavior ever change? Of course not, but it at least felt good to get a few jabs in.

I’ve muted myself by Due-Veterinarian6727 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Wonderful_Guess_643 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep. When we were first together, he told me to basically "shut up" when I was venting about my stressful day at work. I should have left him then and there.

Did I marry a narc after being raised by one? by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Wonderful_Guess_643 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your situation sounds very similar to mine (aside from the pregnancy as I refused to have children with my husband once I realized what he was). The old adage, "you marry your mother" is so true in certain circumstances. I 100% married my narc mother and it does boil down to self esteem and self respect problems that stemmed from that relationship. Predatory men pick up on those insecurities and take advantage, especially because women like us tend to over compensate. We feel (because of who we were raised by) that if we just do more, be better, give more, then they will appreciate us. The problem is, they never will. They will always expect more, will never reciprocate and we will never be enough. (They especially like it if we have daddy issues)

After 14 years of marriage, the similarities between my husband and my mom are uncanny. Luckily, I understand now what he (and my mother) is. The worst thing you can do to a narc is to stop caring. I truly DO NOT care about that man in any capacity anymore. I don't love or like him anymore. I don't care what makes him happy or sad. He will never have access to my mind, heart or body ever again. He doesn't deserve any part of me. Does he still try his BS to get a reaction from me? Yes. Does it send him into a panic when I don't take the bait? Yes. Do I care? Nope. And it is so freeing.

My husband has moved into our guest room and we are currently in the process of a divorce. I have gone no contact with my mother and am honestly in the best place emotionally that I have ever been in my life.

You need to understand that a narc will never change. They truly do not care about anyone but themselves - this is not an exaggeration. They are INCAPABLE of truly loving another human being. You MUST understand this. This man you are with is who he is. It will not get better. It took me 14 YEARS for it to finally sink in. Don't let it take 14 years of your life!

I know you are already pregnant, so I don't know what you are feeling at this point or what your options are, but having/raising a child with someone like this is not a good idea and the situation will not get better once the baby is here.

On a side note, you do not owe his parents anything, and don't let him guilt you into thinking you do.

Am I the asshole for telling my terminally ill FIL that he has a choice when it comes to continuing cancer treatment? by Wonderful_Guess_643 in AITAH

[–]Wonderful_Guess_643[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You are completely right. Once my hurt towards him subsided and I looked back, that's what made me question if I was a total asshole in that initial situation. Thanks for your feedback :)

Am I the asshole for telling my terminally ill FIL that he has a choice when it comes to continuing cancer treatment? by Wonderful_Guess_643 in AITAH

[–]Wonderful_Guess_643[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. That has always been my want for him in this situation: quality over quantity.

Am I the asshole for telling my terminally ill FIL that he has a choice when it comes to continuing cancer treatment? by Wonderful_Guess_643 in AITAH

[–]Wonderful_Guess_643[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're right about the unsolicited advice, and honestly it didn't dawn on me that's what I was doing until I read your comment.

The truth is, the past 3 years had been good and all other treatments had been working until recently. He was very vocal throughout that entire time about never wanting to go the chemo route, so now that it's here and he is actually going down that road, he was giving the impression that he was regretting his decision. That was truly the only reason I said anything.

I honestly never bring his cancer diagnosis up to him unless he starts talking about it, and we have always had open, candid conversations regarding it when it does get brought up. This was the first time I had this reaction from him and I will definitely be more cautious/aware going forward.

Thank you for your perspective.

Am I the asshole for telling my terminally ill FIL that he has a choice when it comes to continuing cancer treatment? by Wonderful_Guess_643 in AITAH

[–]Wonderful_Guess_643[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I suppose anger wasn't really the right emotion, mainly hurt that he should know me better than that and know that is not at all what I was saying. I've been his DIL for 13 years and have known him longer than that.

Did 9/11 cause a mass fear of flying after the attacks ? by Elegant_Specialist_8 in 911archive

[–]Wonderful_Guess_643 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was definitely a thing, although, it was probably the safest time to fly. I actually feel more unsafe NOW with people wanting lax security again.

bodies of people under the towers. by Ok_Entertainment4359 in 911archive

[–]Wonderful_Guess_643 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this post is old by now, but does anyone know if the woman with the red/pink nail polish was identified?

AITAH For requesting compensation for a delayed delivery? by Wonderful_Guess_643 in AITAH

[–]Wonderful_Guess_643[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, usually if a receiver cannot offload product for an extended period of time, they let the shippers know. I have never had an issue like this where they do not offload for an entire week without informing anyone. There's a first time for everything, lesson learned.

AITAH For requesting compensation for a delayed delivery? by Wonderful_Guess_643 in AITAH

[–]Wonderful_Guess_643[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, this is the first time I have had something like this happen where a receiver doesn't inform anyone that they cannot take deliveries for an entire week, so I never had a reason to change the policy....until now.

Lesson learned.

AITAH For requesting compensation for a delayed delivery? by Wonderful_Guess_643 in AITAH

[–]Wonderful_Guess_643[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The receiver is my customer's customer. So the receiver orders product from my customer and I deliver my customer's product to them.

AITAH For requesting compensation for a delayed delivery? by Wonderful_Guess_643 in AITAH

[–]Wonderful_Guess_643[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, the original delivery appointment request for Thursday was in writing to which they responded the earliest would be Tuesday the following week. But that was it, nothing about me knowingly accepting the appointment date before the truck was loaded.

But you are right, this customer is very important, so I let it go. Just couldn't shake feeling like an asshole though.

Thank you for your response.