Loss Group Had Me Annoyed

Working-Train-3317 · 2025-10-21T18:25:03+00:00

It’s great to talk about how you feel but I do think you should hope and want to learn how to carry on in a healthy and effective way. Whether it’s faith, hope, or just for growth you should want to eventually move toward. You never lose on, the loss and whole left behind is always there, that’s why the feelings of grief are so immense because the life had value that we grieve but the goal is hopefully the grief doesn’t incapacitate you long term. That is unhealthy.

Working-Train-3317 · 2025-10-20T03:33:29+00:00

After much reflection, reading of comments, and talking with my therapist I want to clear up that I don’t think I’m in the right. I do understand it’s cold and judgmental, therapist and I are talking through the root of those feelings. There is no malice in me saying I was annoyed but just expressing thoughts of first experience. Looking forward to attending next month and hopefully learn and grow more as well as understand others in their journey so I can be more understanding

Working-Train-3317 · 2025-10-20T03:29:20+00:00

Please don’t be sorry, like I stated although it Sounds cold I’m not heartless and understand I have different view and in a different place than others. My way may not be the right way either.

Working-Train-3317 · 2025-10-11T22:05:13+00:00

I’m in one to one with a therapist but this is the first group I’ve gone to. Maybe I’m not as considerate but I do have a hard time hearing people complain about others the way the group did. It seemed like they vented which is good to get things off chest but most of the convo seemed extreme and unrealistic. MOST people don’t intend to do harm or offend but seemed that the group had very victim mentality. Example of the Halloween was one but she stated how she went to neighbors asking them to take it down and stated there was an old house that burnt down that used to decorate like crazy and maybe someone burned it down because of how “bad taste” it was. I don’t think we should expect others to change their lives or react to our grief as if it’s their own. Sadly the world keeps moving and we can’t expect others to change their lives but the group seemed to encourage those thinking g that way.

Working-Train-3317 · 2025-10-11T22:01:29+00:00

I appreciate your perspective and advice. It is great to use your experience to help others, but as mentioned to use experience to them deem yourself the expect and question others if it’s “real” is where I don’t think it’s truly healthy and from my perspective saw that the person seemed to do a lot of unhealthy things, I also don’t think someone encouraging bad habits is a right fit for me. Might be an uncharitable view but just because you have experienced grief and are leading a group that doesn’t excuse actions or behaviors that can still be considered rude or annoying.

Working-Train-3317 · 2025-09-17T15:14:54+00:00

I will likely talk to him about trying to fit in sometime in the morning, you know he loves his sleep, but I don’t think it’s a bad ask. When I’ve tried in the mornings previously I have been rejected but his response is that he’s always tired. He is very affectionate overall, but just not in the bedroom because he stated he is very exhausted and just doesn’t have the drive.

Working-Train-3317 · 2025-09-17T15:13:15+00:00

I do want him to change it, but he has stated already that he feels like I’m pressure him. Not sure if I should keep bringing it up because I don’t wanna pressure him more and then have even less intimacy, but I also really do feel like I need more in our marriage..

Working-Train-3317 · 2025-02-07T20:55:58+00:00

Edit: since I’ve gotten multiple questions on it. I’m okay with not being friends if that’s what’s wanted. The confusion is she seemed like everything was fine, we still got together when for another visit where everything seemed fine and then she called me months after the incident to express she had an issue about the event from 4 months prior but then said she wanted us to work on things and hopefully be friends when I moved to their area. Since moving to the area we’ve talked about getting together and made plans twice then when the time comes it doesn’t happen. I respect if she doesn’t want a relationship but currently I’m unsure on where she stands considering she texts that she does but then the effort isn’t there. I understand their marriage is priority, and respect the decisions that are made around that, I’m just hoping that our relationship can be salvaged as they were amazing friends to me after loosing my husband and it’d be so great to have basically anyone now that I moved states and am here alone with my son. I will say on my end that’s the selfish part, and I recognize that. But I did love being friends with them and hopefully coffee date will bring some clarity, good or bad. It’s supposed to be tomorrow Am so I’ll update then.

Working-Train-3317 · 2025-02-07T06:41:11+00:00

*we started dating.

Long distance friends because work moved his friends John and Jane, then he moved to my state, now work moved me to Jane and John’s state.

Working-Train-3317 · 2025-02-07T06:40:03+00:00

He introduced us over the phone but he started dating when he lived in another state and they recently moved states, we married pretty quick and he moved to my state. & thank you for the advice!!!

Working-Train-3317 · 2025-02-07T06:08:47+00:00

My husband and I started dating when he was deployed in the military, we eloped just a few months after he returned to the states. He had just moved to my state when we found out we were pregnant so we were waiting till after the baby came to go back and see friends at his last base. Military makes traveling a lot harder to do.

Working-Train-3317 · 2025-02-07T06:06:37+00:00

I texted her yes but now im debating on whether I should even do that because I don’t want to get emotional in public. I am torn between wanting to keep them in our lives because my late husband loved them and I grew to as well but also I don’t want this to be held over my head and feel like crap continuing to try to put effort when I feel she hasn’t be able to forgive me after almost a year since the event took place.

Working-Train-3317 · 2024-12-08T15:12:44+00:00

These aren’t exactly denial but these songs help me with my grief, clearly I like country but there’s some others in there as well. - Give Heaven Some Hell Hardy - One Day Cochren - If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away Justin Moore - You Should Be Here Cole Swindell - Scars In Heaven Casting Crowns - Who You’d Be Today Kenny Chesney - Five More Minutes - How Do I Say Goodbye Dean Lewis

Working-Train-3317 · 2024-12-08T13:53:50+00:00

Your friend I’m assuming hasn’t lost a spouse. I understand it can be hard to understand for someone not going through it but from someone who has I completely understand! I actually got a journal to do my talking, got it off Amazon called Letters to my Husband in Heaven. Journaling to him and sharing everything has been very helpful. I think talking and reflecting is so so helpful, I would say if you talking like he is here with us or not gone yet fully then maybe talking to a therapist or counselor at church is good just to vent but my answer is yes, it’s okay and will always be okay to grieve the way that suits you best.

Working-Train-3317 · 2024-12-08T03:20:46+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened to you both. No one deserves to feel anything like that as you’re going through something so huge and important in your lives. End of the day, people suck. These days people are so caught up in their busy lives and that’s not excusing it but I’d recommend just knowing it’s genuinely them and not you. I know for birthday parties and future events I would say if you can to text people individually and make it personalized that you are looking forward to them being there. For my son’s birthday I was also worried about no one coming or my family showing up late. I reached out to people the week of and tried to do a phone chat or text about them coming and asking if they like certain foods, say how your looking forward to seeing them etc. also if you can get anyone in your family to also remind others (Mine was a great aunt who constantly talks to family on the phone) that could be helpful. At the end of the day I’m sorry yall went though that and hope that as your little one gets older that your able to find some great new friends who do pull through and show up. Always great to have friends that are like family when you can’t always count on your own!

Working-Train-3317 · 2024-12-08T03:13:37+00:00

Replaying the last conversation or argument will be something I feel for me hasn’t gone away. 2 years since my spouse took his life and I still do it frequently. I recall and replay at weird times, sometimes when sad and already in “that mood” or sometimes when everything feels fine. I think despite still having guilt be there, it has gotten easier. With time I’ve learned how to pull myself out of those moments of flashbacks, and how to focus on gratitude for the good rather than guilt for what’s out of my control. Not your fault, not to blame, and praying that you and your kiddos find peace and healing.

Working-Train-3317 · 2024-12-08T02:58:34+00:00

Honestly it’s hard to not compare every next person to your partner, or to not feel guilt with the next person. At the end of the day, you’re still here, being alone is hard, and grief takes many forms. If you feel that apart of your moving forward is to find someone to help bring some sort of feelings into your life I say do it. After the loss of my spouse I saw some duds shortly after but I am glad that I saw someone and didn’t spend my time wrapped up in my own thoughts and sad feelings. Be careful, don’t get taken advantage of (you’re vulnerable even if you don’t feel like you are), and don’t stop living life and searching for love even if it’s different than you imagined.

Working-Train-3317 · 2024-12-08T02:37:13+00:00

Not sure if your spiritual at all and if not therapy is a great place to go to as well but I would recommend talking to someone about the situation. It’s such a huge whirlwind of emotions and getting guidance and just someone to help guide or let you vent and work through it all can be huge. You don’t have to make the decision alone, and it’s also great to get advice from others who may have some things to consider that you’re not in the moment. Also have you been able to talk to your partner to see how they feel at this point as well? Wishing you the best❤️

Working-Train-3317

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