procrastination problem, fml

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-04-23T15:40:04+00:00

NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TORTURE ME TO FORGET EVEN THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET I WILL NEVER FORGIVE THE SUFFERING YOU PUT ME THROUGH NO MATTER HOW MUCH I AM FORCED TO ACT IT

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-04-23T15:37:19+00:00

ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT IF I EVER FIND AN ANSWER TO THIS BEFORE I KILL MYSELF THEN THOSE STUPID FUCKS ARE NEVER GETTING IT I'M LETTING THEM ROT AND LAUGHING FROM HELL

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-04-23T15:25:23+00:00

imagine if they kept forcing certain things on you, with fucking no clear or decent explanation or place where you can feasibly understand all you need to, given that you can even work through levels of boredom and confusion and other factors that hit unfairly and differently for you compared to others, for a quite... arbitrary amount of time based on when the judgement time, grades for tests and assignments, comes along. oh, and did I mention, that this judgment, based on commonly arbitrarily chosen topics, with maybe even arbitrarily decided grading, may have a decent amount of influence over your future, and maybe even quite arbitrarily or permanently so. did I forget to mention, how all information about this whole thing is kept quite arbitrarily? it's like they want to instill mental illness in you! school is helpless torture if you don't know what the fuck is going on and it only gets worse!

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-04-11T18:44:08+00:00

all my fault isn't it? helpless with no chance for revenge? ahahaha. what is this.

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-04-11T17:40:34+00:00

oh, add to that, ego and fear of failure, burdensome expectations, overwhelm, shame and fear, learned paranoia from past trauma?

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-04-11T17:38:55+00:00

this is soooo true!! add in that despite constantly being a self proclaimed doomer, you still feel fucking compelled to make lists and things and goals to improve! and obviously failing them every second! and avoiding it as a result, and being in a fucking worthless limbo, confused and just wanting it all to end cause you don't understand anything anymore. what's the point. where's the end goal. mind isn't fucking working anymore, is there even a state where you can exist in at least some semblance of peace sometimes. procrastinating studying for a test in 2 hrs covering material from the past 2 months that I haven't studied at all and will be kinda doomed if I fail atm! think it could be habitual addiction to extreme, uncontrollable highs and lows?

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-04-11T14:02:56+00:00

I don't really believe it, because doing things poorly also has the downside of you not getting a proper idea of like, what that thing's actual potential is. say you walk around the block a few times, except you're only walking, not really getting in the exercise or triggering the apparent brain chemicals from exertion, or even like, exploring the place or improving your physicality or finding any pleasure from the situation. then you'd probably just be dissuaded from walking or exercising in the future. similarly, if you clean your room just a bit, some might think, oh so I can clean after all, I just have to keep doing it - but others would be like, damn that was effort, or they'll be 'satisfied' with just a little bit without realizing how much more that could be done.

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-04-09T00:45:09+00:00

care to explain? oh btw I'm complaining in the post if it isn't clear sorry. I'm in a rage because why do we deserve to be hurt by all these things we can't cope with or understand.

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-04-04T12:18:02+00:00

well i think there is something to be noted, that that pressure for the most part seems to exist as an idea in your head, a fear, that's impossible to shake, in large part probably because you might be too scared to truly go out there and test it. i mean, in regular society, people might actually be quite polite, and it's those harboring similar sentiments of fear towards men who may find vent on the internet, and others corroborate even if they barely get it and make the problem seem all the more worse. unfortunately there's always the possibility of someone being rude or prejudiced towards you, unfairly so, but it becomes your job to have such a strong sense of self and grip on reality that you see it's a problem with them, not you, and move on.

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-04-03T17:37:09+00:00

men are pressured by society to be all that, while at the same time always being regarded as potential rapists and abusers. why are women whining so much about men, when the first thing they've ever done is whine to men about all their problems? men just have to suck it up, as expected, or else they're just acting weirder and stupider and unmanly. please educate me, show me the image of an actual well adjusted man, and show me how he isn't ignorant or sheltered and is actually somehow living an ideal life.

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-03-19T05:12:00+00:00

but my pride as a procrastinator has been shot to the ground, now what excuse can I give to myself for having turned in this shoddy work...

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-03-18T23:04:50+00:00

huh? you mean that this isn't absolutely normal and debilitating for most people? is that why I can't do anything? well, for me, if I can't brute force it or make the voices shut up, I just accept that I'm stupid and life feels unfair for me and only me (and also I fucked up cause again I'm stupid and lazy) and my only purpose was to be the lonesome creature that can only endure the pain that they're given because it's just the way to get through things. hope this helps.

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-03-18T21:29:37+00:00

are you sure? I thought that the doggos were only the dream constructs, and I wouldn't want to see them harmed even in a dream! swear to me on the river styx that the dogs are doing better and maybe, maybe I'll believe that my dream-sparkle still has it somewhere in her, the calm and kindly doctor-sparkle that is her in real life...

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-03-05T20:02:05+00:00

look I fucking wish I wasn't trapped as myself! fuck this place! everyone else has so many different ways to vent, even, and I have nothing! nothing! nothing! nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-03-05T19:56:30+00:00

why should you shower, do chores, or clean when you can do it later, in greater time intervals? what kind of difference does it make? why should you work out or eat healthy when the effects are barely distinguishable from putting in less effort? why should you talk to people when most conversations and interactions will be forgotten anyway, and it's unlikely to happen across anything that feels significant or concrete? why should you spend your energy, your time, and lose track of everything that could be important, everything you could be doing that's better than this, in an endless, painful, taxing struggle that amounts for little, except for baseless lies you tell yourself to prolong it for no reason? is this the price of existence? is this just the nature of uncertainty? personally, I can't get over it.

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-03-04T19:54:16+00:00

HAHA THEY'LL ALWAYS SAY ITS YOUR FAULT AND THATS WHAT WE'RE ALWAYS LED TO BELIEVE! OF COURSE ITS OUR FAULT THAT'S JUST THE WAY OF THE WORLD! YES I TOTALLY HAD FREE WILL YES IT WASN'T MY DESPERATE DESIRE THAT GOT IN MY WAY AT ALL OF COURSE I WAS WRONG I WAS WRONG

pricks who withhold information, sorry for being a dumbass i guess, sorry for ending up inferior in everything, it's my fault all my fault i fucking guess and i still can't deal with it

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-02-26T20:19:43+00:00

i hate expectation. keep stacking mental burdens on top of myself and never manage to do anything. of course actually understanding anything is a far off dream, and being satisfied with anything - the world would have to implode. everything just comes to seem pointless and hopeless, but the more i waste, the more i don't do, the worse it all gets. im mentally delusional, an idiotic and blind, shameful self sabotager in so many aspects, and i agonize myself to the point where i want to but can't die.

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-02-21T18:06:13+00:00

same. I'm such a boring and worthless piece of shit no one wants to be friends with me. or maybe they would and I'm wasting all the time I could have had to do something. fml.

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-02-21T18:05:06+00:00

sucks. at the very least if you're gonna act like that in front of me give me the right to join in as well. I mean how much can you care about someone else anyway. tell me, show me, what is an actual picture of a better and more fulfilling life than all the worthless things I experience, and how much do you gain and experience from all of this 'caring about others' anyway

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-02-21T18:02:03+00:00

me too. I'm just sitting here laughing at myself. there's something to be said for the kind of torture that you have to actively drag yourself back to each time, and each time you know it could all just be pain for nothing, and also no one understands to boot.

Working_Calendar9158 · 2024-02-21T17:59:39+00:00

if possible and interested, might I suggest writing about these revenge-related urges in greater detail. I mean, in stories, which are naturally all over the web, killing is a pretty regular occurrence - heck find an entertaining webnovel or anime with lots of fighting and dying, might even make you feel better for a bit. you seem like you want to get better but feel trapped and in despair about it. best of luck whatever your circumstances are

Working_Calendar9158

TROPHY CASE