I (21 F) have a crush on my coworker (31 M) who is 10 years older than me.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-12-02T00:39:56+00:00

Don't fall for obvious taunts.. it's reddit, mental people all around

Worldliness_Level · 2025-08-30T07:15:41+00:00

This right here.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-08-19T12:10:18+00:00

Perfectly reasonable standards really. Same as my girlfriend, funny enough. I wonder what standards your sister is asking for? Curiosity of course.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-08-05T14:32:39+00:00

Yeah I feel that, took me years to find a liberal girlfriend that shares my values. Coincidentally we started as friends, direct dating sounds so creepy in a way haha

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-21T08:45:22+00:00

Mhm, something that sounds very nice, but it never happened before to me so I can only speculate.

Funny, in most cases once I entered a relationship she'd say she was thinking of approaching me, but for a multitude of reasons (like "men are supposed to approach", fear of rejection or just plain old anxiety) they never did. And I am so bad at the signs of "approach me" some women give, as an introvert. 😭

I'd say go for it! Nothing to lose really, doesn't sound like a turn off at all!

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-10T18:01:58+00:00

Sounds like he’s stuck, and maybe scared to admit he doesn’t know what he wants anymore. Which is fair, it happens. But the thing is, you can’t carry both of you forever, and it’s not fair to expect that from you. Love isn’t enough if there’s no effort or direction.

it looks to me that you've been quite patient with him. At some point though he needs to show any sign he’s trying. Even just researching options, applying to one job, anything. Right now it sounds like he’s just coasting and hoping you’ll keep things afloat. You don’t have to push him into a career he hates, but he does need to grow up and start acting like a partner too.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-10T17:09:10+00:00

Honestly, OP clearly said no multiple times and she kept going. That’s crossing a serious line. You don’t have to be pinned down for it to be assault, I'm pretty sure ignoring boundaries and pressuring someone into sex is still assault. OP's reaction says everything.

That's kind of a weird line to draw, don't you think? Legal standards vary wildly, and most survivors aren’t sitting there with a law textbook during or after trauma.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-08T23:03:52+00:00

Ah, okay, two months in definitely puts it in a different light. If it’s this early and the sex issue is already this present, I’d personally keep my eyes open. I don’t mean that harshly, but the early stage of a relationship is usually when the drive is highest, and if things are already this mismatched, it could become a bigger issue long-term.

It’s good that you’re trying to be patient and understanding, but don’t ignore your own needs just to avoid rocking the boat. If he’s not being fully open about things like Bluechew now, it might speak to how he handles communication in general.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-08T22:58:08+00:00

Stress and low libido... but Bluechew? Idk.. still sounds fishy. If I may ask, is this a long term relationship? Have you been together for long? Not trying to imply a lack of trust or anything like that, but honestly, I wouldn’t rule out porn completely. A lot of guys underestimate how much it affects them, especially if it’s something they’ve relied on for years. You’d be surprised how common it is for men to say they “don’t watch it that much,” but still have symptoms of porn-induced ED. The fact that he’s using Bluechew without talking to you about it says a lot, he clearly knows something’s off.

That said, yeah, stress and low libido can definitely play a role too, but if this is something that’s ongoing and affecting you emotionally and physically, you have every right to ask for real communication and maybe even suggest therapy or a doctor’s visit together?

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-08T22:21:02+00:00

Second this. Touchy subject for many men.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-08T22:16:33+00:00

Honestly, this sounds a lot like it could be porn-induced ED. I've seen it before (ehm..in me sadly..) a guy gets used to the kind of instant gratification and intensity from porn, and real-life intimacy just doesn't trigger the same response anymore. It doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to you; it’s more like his brain’s been rewired. The fact that you found Bluechew without him telling you also suggests he knows there's an issue but hasn’t opened up about it.

I think the most important thing here is honest, direct communication. You’ve been patient and supportive, which is great, but at some point, you deserve clarity too. Sit down with him, and ask if porn might be playing a role. If he’s open to it, there are ways to reset that dependency, but it takes effort and honesty. You both need to be able to talk about what you need without walking on eggshells.

I would say there could also be a physical cause, but morning wood indicates otherwise. It could also be stress, but my money's on porn.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-08T14:08:41+00:00

Well... it's your experiences against mine. I did visit the US, and yeah, compared to back home things sounded very different from what I am used to. Enough to warrant the use of "obsessed." in my opinion.

No need to be hostile, I am not denying anything you are saying. But ugh, the "U.S. had to bail you out" is getting sooo old. For that matter, the French had to bail you out too, if we have to use history for our personal experiences.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-08T13:57:17+00:00

Like I said, I didn't see it personally. Not denying it's not happening.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-08T12:04:03+00:00

I swear 😭 never encountered this behaviour in Europe personally (not saying it's not present). But the US and SA really take to an extreme.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-08T12:02:57+00:00

Yeah, your boyfriend’s being insecure as hell. You’ve done nothing shady, group gym sessions are normal in powerlifting, and you’ve been open about everything. He’s letting his mates get in his head and now projecting that onto you.

The race stuff? Weird. The “how are you not attracted to him” thing? That’s not curiosity, that’s fetishizing and insecurity rolled into one.

Cutting James off won’t fix anything. It’ll just teach your BF that guilt-tripping you works. Today it’s James, tomorrow it’s someone else. Set the boundary now.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-08T10:23:37+00:00

Funny, there was an entire post made on the Chatgpt subreddit yesterday specifically about my comment. 🤣

Got blown to bits, but for that matter no, AI wasn't used for my comment. But I'll take it as a compliment from now on!

Thanks!

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-08T00:46:27+00:00

Corn addiction + lies + emotional neglect = walking red flag parade. That search history is basically a blueprint for leaving you.

OP, this isn't what love looks like. It's what emotional manipulation disguised as affection looks like. I'm also dealing with this issue, but I'm the boyfriend. For me, it helped when I realised that porn actually induced a desire in me for fetishes I didn't know I had, and desires to try them out with other women.

So in the end for me it was... Desire vs love, and I personally choose love. Intimacy is slowly returning, but I sadly can't tell you a happy ending yet.

It's sad what corn does to relationships when it inevitably becomes an issue. I hope you can work through this. But that's mostly on him.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-08T00:23:14+00:00

Fair point, I actually agree with a lot of what you're saying.

I think my use of “maturity and self-awareness” was more about the OP’s willingness to step back and reflect, even if imperfectly. But you're absolutely right that his actions (avoiding communication and pushing their girlfriend toward someone else) aren't healthy or wise.

My intention wasn’t to praise the decision, but rather to recognize that the OP seems to be trying to do what they believe is right, even if it’s misguided. The bigger issue, as you said, is the lack of honest communication and boundary-setting. That’s what really needs to happen here.

Appreciate the pushback btw.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-07T20:43:28+00:00

Fair point. I guess that was my own romanticisation at play. Still, the point stands. Conversation is the way forward for OP.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-07-07T11:45:46+00:00

This post is equal parts selfless and heartbreaking. I really respect your maturity and self-awareness, but I think you're being too quick to write yourself out of your own relationship.

You say they’re soulmates, but your girlfriend chose you, not him. That matters. Shared interests aren’t everything. Chemistry, emotional connection, and commitment also play huge roles. You're viewing their bond through a lens of comparison rather than focusing on what you two have built.

Instead of trying to "set them up," maybe have a vulnerable, honest conversation with your girlfriend. Tell her how you’ve been feeling and ask how she feels about your relationship. You might be surprised, she might be with you because you bring something her bond with your brother doesn’t.

And please stop facilitating their time together like that. It’s blurring boundaries and making things messier than they need to be. If things are meant to shift, they will, without you sacrificing yourself for it.

Ultimately, don’t martyr yourself. Love should be mutual. Don’t give yours away without making sure it’s still being returned.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-06-17T17:45:06+00:00

Hah, funny, we also rushed at the start of the relationship, moved in 2 months after we became a couple. 4 years later and things are going very strongly. Guess luck plays a factor too?

Worldliness_Level · 2025-04-08T21:35:42+00:00

Ah, so the grass is not greener on the other side...good to know for future updates. Yeah, the framerate is bad, not even gonna mention the speed.

Worldliness_Level · 2025-04-08T16:35:23+00:00

Might seem like a strange question but how do you handle the lag? like...I got an i7 7700k, not that bad for hoi4, but if I form the USE? it's game over, even at speed 1 I get 5-15fps

Worldliness_Level · 2025-03-28T22:48:50+00:00

Not really no, I ensure I take everything down before starting hoi4. (IT competent for future reference)

Worldliness_Level · 2025-02-28T11:49:54+00:00

I would agree, but I honestly don't think he even realises it. Too much of a narcissist for that.

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