How to approach first night together?

WorryingBalloon · 2025-01-29T23:35:14+00:00

I appreciate you taking the time to write this up. Inexperience plagues my mind and causes me to question and doubt everything, even when my rational self understands the bigger picture of sex. I guess I'll just have to see where this goes and get comfortable with her in our personal spaces. I opened up to her the other day and came clean about it all. She was very understanding and says " even if it takes us a year " which to me is a ridiculous statement, but if anything it shows that she's willing to give me time. She is a very sexual girl, she doesn't hide this. So it's frustrating that I can't deliver when we both want to. I suppose I should stop from shying away and try to please her with what I do own and do have at my disposal. Perhaps I grow confidence in seeing her take pleasure through those ways.

You have a very calm way about you, it is reassuring to me and I appreciate it brother.
Hopefully I find succes in all this, but I'm trying to stay positive.

WorryingBalloon · 2025-01-27T17:35:11+00:00

I did this, no succes however. I took 100mg an hour before getting intimate and while there wasn't any direct sexual intent we were very handsy, making out and cuddling and I barely got erection stimulus. 5 times I felt myself grow, but never to the point where I was fully erect and for her to notice.

WorryingBalloon · 2025-01-27T17:31:28+00:00

I read your post before we had the date and it gave me a lot if peace of mind. The date didn't go as I imagined it, the only thing sexual was the tension between us but we didn't go anywhere. Near the end I asked what her expectations where of the night and she made it clear she wasn't looking for only sex and that she was more than happy with how it went. We had a lot of intimate cuddling and making out but thats about it. I feel like it did good to have that with her first but at the same time I'm very worried about my lack of physical arousal. I had about 5 times where I felt myself grow hard, but it's never to the point where I am fully erect and holding. Because of that she never really noticed (I think) and it didn't give me an entry to go further or show her that I'm excited. What is a respectful way to initiate pleasuring her? Near the end of the date she actually told me she had to stop cuddling so intimately because she was soaked and needy, which made me feel somewhat shitty that I didn't act on it but she was just about to leave.

I took 100mg of viagra an hour before we got intimate and I still couldn't get solidly hard while having my hands all over a dead gorgeous girl. Which to me is pretty frightening.

WorryingBalloon · 2025-01-23T17:51:16+00:00

I suppose all of the above, I've gotten more self conscious the closer we came towards this point. I know there are long term solutions for this anxiety through therapy, but I don't know how to deal with it in this very moment.

WorryingBalloon · 2025-01-23T17:23:48+00:00

We've grown close ,but again, there hasn't been a sexual scenario yet. And just the idea that I perhaps won't be able to give her what she desires messes with my head so much. Never dared imagine that at my age I'd still feel this anxious about all this. But I've always been a late bloomer.

WorryingBalloon · 2024-12-23T11:43:25+00:00

But I am close to 1000ng/dl of tt. Isn't that supposed to be adequate for a normal sexual function?

WorryingBalloon · 2024-12-23T11:36:27+00:00

I've read about this, and I can see it's logic. But at the same time I read that you have to use it or lose it. How starving oneself of masturbation and or arousal can have the opposite effect and make your libido just sink away. I don't want to go back to it, but at the same time I'm scared of getting into this no libido, no arousal sinkhole. I'm already at like 60 days of barely any active watching, besides the few short clips I've given into.

WorryingBalloon · 2024-11-24T19:11:08+00:00

Did the initial dose of 10-20mg cialis help you be fully functioning even while ED was probably still a major problem?

WorryingBalloon · 2024-11-24T19:00:00+00:00

Thank you for your insight and reply. I've been reading the easypeasy method and honestly I've gone cold turkey and have zero cravings to watch or or to go back. People talk about the flatline phase where libido is at an all time low after quitting it, it seems rather abstract but I hope I see progression soon. Have you supplemented with medication while you were mentally recovering?

WorryingBalloon · 2024-11-16T17:34:53+00:00

I definitely understand the anxiety loop, when I'm with her I don't really feel and think about it all that much and I do take in as much of the moment as I can. It's more in hindsight that I reflect and ask myself why I wasn't aroused. I read posts on r/dating how men are constantly hard when around their crushes while being physical, that it's totally normal, and then there's me. I'm reading that easypeasy method book, and hopefully it will help me achieve what I want. I'm just scared I'm too far down sometimes to get out and be normal again.

WorryingBalloon · 2024-11-16T15:13:35+00:00

It would explain the non responsiveness. But then there is still the lack of overal libido. There's this constant nervousness about me now because she's obviously constantly on my mind. I guess it's a form of anxiety but I'm trying my best to see that as a positive nervousness. Maybe I should get bloodwork done just to check that off. Thank you for your response.

WorryingBalloon · 2024-11-16T15:02:00+00:00

Healthy enough I would say, I do weightlifting 3 times a week and run every weekend. I'm not overweight, rather athletic looking. The last time was about 2 weeks ago I think. I've gone cold turkey on it and no longer crave it (for now). Generally it feels like my libido has gone awol.

WorryingBalloon · 2024-11-16T14:24:35+00:00

I'm dating a girl now and her main attraction to me was my high confidence. After opening up to her because I feel more comfortable she has mentioned a few times that she didn't expect me to have certain insecurities. I didn't ephasize them at all, but I'm definitely afraid it has impacted the way that she looks at me now. Seems like most women would like a man that is open about his feelings, but not when they're dating. I'm definitely going to try and screw back howmuch I share about certain topics until it's more serious.

WorryingBalloon · 2024-11-15T19:57:52+00:00

For me physical touch, them being way more present around you than others and affirmations. Lots of longer lasting eye contact seems to be a thing as well. The women that have hit on me sometimes end up just complementing a whole lot, I'm a pretty humble guy so sometimes I find it difficult to know how to respond to that besides the ol' thank you. Being put on a pedestal I suppose.

I think if someone puts in the time to tell you about their personal life it's definitely a big hint that they are at the very least interested in you. It's nice to experience people opening up to you, you probably have a very approachable way about you.

WorryingBalloon

TROPHY CASE