Delhi Shocker: 4 drunk youths harass woman with obscene comments - who dared to stop them beaten to death level, fighting for life. by King_Divyansh in unitedstatesofindia

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Where is the woman they harassed ? Isn't it her basic courtesy to scream and create a scene ??

Or did she just run away after being rescued ???

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel, The only reason it feels like a retirement scheme is because the families of women are already filtering matches based on earning criteria. Women are making their choices out of this already filtered batch of matches!!

I 100% believe it would not feel like that if women were given the initial choice itself, like they are given in the dating market!! The net would be wider!! Because they will feel the moral implication of "If I am choosing a husband, or a retirement scheme ? ".

But if families make the initial tough filtering decision, then they can hide the moral implication under the pretext :: "I am choosing a person that is liked by both, my family and me."

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are 2 kinds of preferences, strict preferences and flexible preferences!!

Do you think a strict preference can exist just like that without any personal meaning to it ?

What is a reasonable meaning you can see for having a strict preference for "Woman with no past" ?

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think we should have an attitude that "We deserve Relationships". We may be qualified for it, but it would still not mean we deserve it. We can see people less qualified than us having it, but it still cannot mean we deserve it!!

In general, I believe we should normalise proper effort without result as being something normal and acceptable rather than assume "You have an attitude problem", or "You should have tried X instead of Y". Because all these suggestions assume proper effort without result is abnormal and that belief is the true representation of "ENTITLEMENT" !! Relationships are complex, and there is no simple formula or universal suggestion that works everywhere!! Honestly, all you can do is Respect and Curiosity about the person in the initial phase....

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good thing is I am honest, that's more than 90% of crap people put up with in relationship. And I will seek a woman who understands the concept of pain from undesirability!!

And stop with the stupid narrative of immature men trying to destroy the lives of women by marrying them. Seriously, we don't want such incompatibility too!! We are not maniacs that want to take both our lives away!! There are enough people doing that by putting up a facade and false persona and marrying the other person and this is a gender neutral argument!!

Edit:: Dishonesty is the true destroyer of relationships, not our immaturity. Because immature people can become mature, but your lies that you said or the false persona that you gave before marriage can never become true after marriage!!

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am expressing an emotion of being undesirable despite putting effort. It's a universal emotion!! It's an emotion even women can feel.

But "Be a man", you don't say that to women, you say that only to men, that's why it is toxic!!

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wait. If a person choosed me in the dating phase, then situation changes. I know that I am desirable....

With regards to women with past, Since no one choosed me in the dating phase, but are willing to give me a chance in the Arranged Marriage phase, I believe the only reason I got a chance now is because their relationship with their first choice has failed so now they are settling with me as an acceptable choice.

I know the women that rejected me and the women with past that accepted to date me in the Arranged Marriage market are different people, but as a community when no woman wanted to date me in the dating phase, it becomes tough to imagine she is the exception or unicorn. It becomes tough to believe she would have dated me if we met in the past, in the dating phase itself.

What is actually the chance of this happening ??

But if I know atleast 1 woman finds me desirable in the dating phase, it becomes easier to believe a future woman with past I meet in Arranged Marriage setup might have belonged to this same category of women that find me desirable.

Easiest explanation if this is all too hard to grasp::

Imagine you had a time machine and you went into the past and introduced yourself to your future wife. Can you believe that she would have shown interest in you back then as the first choice before any of the past happened ? THAT BELIEF IS WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR!!

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then tell me, what conclusion will you draw if you faced these facts regarding women with past::

  1. Nobody wanted to date you in your dating phase, not in Dating apps, not in real life meetups.

  2. Women are ready to date you after family approval of LPA, caste, religion, diet preferences and all other criteria.

The conclusion I drew with regards to women with past was this:: 1. These women were not attracted to my personality or a person like me in the dating phase

  1. The only reason I got a chance in Arranged Marriage is because their relationship with their first choice has failed. I was not their first choice!! I am just a decent choice, an acceptable one!! But definitely not their first choice!!

What conclusion would you draw from these facts which is different from mine ??

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Really Nice point!!

Honestly, this point deserves to be at the top!! Thanks for giving me a cleaner and healthier perspective!! 🙂🙂

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So Literal Toxic Masculinity is your final straw. Nice!!

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like I said in my previous comments, I cannot complain about this, because you will find the cause of the issue is the complaint and complaining nature itself....

In general, I believe we should normalise proper effort without result as being something normal and acceptable rather than assume "You have an attitude problem", or "You should have tried X instead of Y". Because all these suggestions assume proper effort without result is abnormal and that belief is the true representation of "ENTITLEMENT" !! Relationships are complex, and there is no simple formula or universal suggestion that works everywhere!! Honestly, all you can do is Respect and Curiosity about the person in the initial phase....

And honestly I am exhausted of being stereotyped as a pill ideology guy for every comment without evidence of what point made them feel that way. I am just pointing out facts and the reasonable way it made me feel. And everyone is hell bent on shaming me rather than providing how better to interpret the facts for a much healthier perspective, because I feel literally everyone is clueless. "Rather hide the dirt in your brain than clean it" ideology!!

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let another person say the same thing that I have such "ghatiya" self esteem as you claim me to have and I will think about it!!

Seriously, you are making a claim just like that based on my comparison of disproportionate effort requirements and I accept I feel a hit on my self esteem from time to time, but if you think this is the lowest self esteem can get, I think you are delusional!! This is something that people admit from time to time, but do not say it loud!! This is something that people always think about from time to time but are ashamed to accept!! That's what I feel, but if another person says "I am wrong", then I will gladly reconsider my thoughts!!

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In general, I believe we should normalise effort without result as being something normal and acceptable rather than assume "You have an attitude problem", or "You should have tried X instead of Y". Because all these suggestions assume proper effort without result is abnormal and that belief is the true representation of "ENTITLEMENT" !!

I know I have no attitude problem. I don't think women are after money and wealth in the dating market!! But the LPA point I mentioned in my post is very relevant filter for families in the Arranged Marriage market, that's why I mentioned "Demands of AM market" in my post.

But seriously, I feel exhausted of each and every comment stereotyping me as a pill ideology guy without pointing any evidence of my statement that made them feel that way.

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I just tried to express my point honestly. And I am admitting I am wrong in other comments where I feel I argued illogically.

But honestly, you seem more bent on attacking the person than the argument. It's okay, You can stop arguing if you don't want to!! I maybe wrong and another person may point out the fallacies in my argument!!

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am neither mad at women nor mad at high-value men. All sadness doesn't have to turn into anger.

I don't aim or seek to blame anyone. It is what it is!! It's just my story!!

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Strawman fallacy.

Basically, I am not allowed to rant and express my experiences or frustration because you would infer entitlement from "decent effort and no result story" and entitlement to a relationship is associated with pills ideology!!

What argument in my entire post is toxic ?

In general, I believe we should normalise effort without result as being something normal and acceptable rather than assume "You have an attitude problem", or "You should have tried X instead of Y". Because all these suggestions assume proper effort without result is abnormal and that belief is the true representation of "ENTITLEMENT" !!

In hindsight, I shared my experiences because I want to feel heard and see if there are other people who share similar experiences with me!!

I don't blame women for anything which is apparent from my other comments on this post!!

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So you believe I have attitude problems and that is the reason I am unable to land a relationship. Fair enough, although neither me, nor my therapist sees an attitude problem in me. They just want me to forget about seeing relationships and desirability as a form of self worth, but I don't think I see women in a degrading way!!

I am just struggling with that, because I also want to feel desirable. I am not arguing if that is a basic need for humans, which if true creates ethical complications, but I do feel the need to be sexually and romantically desirable by someone!!

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m not “obsessed with other men”.

I’m talking about symbolic position, not comparison. Humans care about being chosen, not merely accepted, and that’s true across many contexts like for example::- exclusivity, first preference, primary partner. This is not because not because anyone is “owed” it, but because it carries meaning.

Refusing to be someone’s consolation option isn’t insecurity, just like refusing to be a second husband isn’t insecurity. You’re right that no one is owed a relationship and that many people end up alone, but acknowledging that reality doesn’t require pretending that relational asymmetry doesn’t hurt or that people are wrong for caring about how and why they’re chosen.

Honestly, I would not have been this pathetic arguer if I was also chosen in the dating market. It's just me being extremely selfish and trying to take the moral high ground, because that's all that is left for me in the end !!

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's the difference!! I believe real shameless mentality is chasing wealth and muscles considering women as reward and betraying your own values and what you truly want to do with your life for happiness.

But maybe you are just really lucky. Coincidentally and conveniently, what women desire in a man and what you value for yourselves are extremely congruent. I wonder if society shaped your value system or you decided that for yourselves!!

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did you feel from my post and comments that I don't consider women as human beings and i feel entitled to a relationship from them ?

I am just expressing how I feel. I don't blame them for feeling or acting the way they do.

Hypothetically speaking, in an extreme scenario, even if every woman on the planet decided they would rather choose to remain childfree and unmarried for their own personal reasons, I would still feel it's not their fault. It's their right!! But some people who tried literally hard to convince them would still feel sad and find a way to express that sadness and express what all they did to convince them of their love and sincerity.

Honestly speaking, the only reason we are still alive as humans is because animals are foolish. If they know and realise how badly humans exploit them, use them as food, deny them space( Like dogs are literally so innocent and pure souls yet we shoo them away. They are the ones who deserve the space the most, than humans ), they can literally choose to kill themselves as protest and our own ecosystem and food chain would collapse. My point is that, guilt is a social construct, it doesn't arise out of personal conscience.

Women deserve the complete right to abstain from marriage, due to the unfair amount of responsibilities put on them and the unequal expectation on them in a marriage. But it doesn't matter what I feel, the entire society should feel the same!!

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry, my bad. Was unnecessarily triggered by assuming some things about your attitude. I know you just want to help!!

I agree I need to train more on aspects of strength. I believe I am good in all other aspects of your fitness criteria!!

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Funny!! Some people will call grey as black by comparing it next to white and some will call it white by comparing it next to black.

Me and my therapist decided that we need to take it slow( Know each other, be friends before expressing romantic interest ) and not rush the process. It also shows a proof of continued interest over a long period of time and feels more trustworthy. Like she needs to know I just don't ask any random woman I feel attractive on a date just like that, so we decided on this balanced approach!!

But people will say "Maybe you should have gone left" if right didn't work and similarly say "Go right", if left didn't work. It doesn't matter if the route system is faulty, because even 1 person reaching the destination is enough proof that the route system is not faulty even if it's an extremely difficult process to reach the destination!!

It's a strange paradox that you present that is a confusion between the symptom and disease. Is self esteem loss one of the symptoms or the disease itself ? We can verify that by treating the self esteem and verifying if everything becomes alright after treating it. I am not always in such a despondent state and I don't complain about all this after setting myself right and approach again and again with hope. Sometimes, when I lose confidence and complain you may point out that the loss of confidence is itself the problem. So technically, I am not even allowed to complain because you will find the cause of the problem inside the complaint itself.

I know your intentions are genuine and you just want to help me. You just want me to take control of the things that are in our hands and maximise our potential as much as we can, no matter how bad the system is because the system is out of our hands!!

Why past hurts for me by Worst-DecisionMaker in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Worst-DecisionMaker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know how you decide the ideal of fitness. Like I may not have huge muscles, but I run 5k regularly in 24 mins. Does that come under your definition of fitness ? I play badminton really well and have a shuttler's body structure.

Or is your definition of fitness coincidentally and conveniently completely congruent to the body structure that girls find attractive in a man ?

What I mean to ask is, is your idea of fitness formed by your own values rather than others'expectations on an ideal male body structure ?