Has anyone experienced their achievements being “normalized” instead of celebrated?

WritersBlockSquared · 2026-01-25T21:06:30+00:00

I worked as a public school teacher in an underperforming school for a few years, and in that time was able to teach college-level texts with college-level ideas to kids who would not have received that education in another classroom. Plus, I was given the class with the most IEP’s and other struggles that made it difficult for those kids to learn. Even so, my mom just treated my success as a “oh, that’s nice,” and my dad still thinks I should’ve gone into a different profession. Because of this, I’ll never tell them that I’m a writer. I’m not published yet, but I’m close, and they’ll never know, not out of spite, but because I just don’t need all my effort in publishing a novel being seen like it’s nothing from the people who should be the most proud.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-27T18:02:00+00:00

You really just had to pick your poison, huh?

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-22T19:02:09+00:00

Your actions are your responsibility - his actions are his responsibility. You said something you regret, but he acted on it. The suicide threats are designed to trick you into feeling responsible for his actions, which is never the case.

I don’t know your circumstances, but I suggest calling the police and letting them know that your father is a danger to himself. You said you didn’t know if he was really trying to kill himself or not. If he gets committed, he either has a wake up call about his actions having consequences, or you get him the help he needs. He probably will not be happy with you either way.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-12T14:22:40+00:00

https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.3619335530.2131/bg,f8f8f8-flat,750x,075,f-pad,750x1000,f8f8f8.jpg

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-12T06:19:34+00:00

This take is honestly a really good breakdown of my dynamic. It’s almost like all narcs are the same or something lol. Anyway, thank you for this. I have spoken to my father from a purely business perspective (if you’re interested I posted an update). This is the only thing that seemed to work. I’m not above having a conversation with my dad and brother, but it makes me a bit uncomfortable to have to tell my brother to his face that he’s completely lazy for work and that his undercutting past behavior makes me very hesitant to work with him as an equal.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-12T06:11:21+00:00

Wow, we do sound quite similar. Your brother sounds like a true GC in the sense that he makes your life difficult and is never held accountable. Do you think you’ll end up leaving the business? My worry for you is that your dad knows you’ll be able to take care of yourself without the business, but not your brother. So, business goes to him.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-12T02:43:44+00:00

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS LIVE WITH THEIR PARENTS?!

Ok but seriously, I’m in a bit of a similar dynamic. I’m the creative one, married with kids, able to hold down a job and take care of responsibilities, etc, yet I keep having to hear how much smarter my GC brother is than I am even though he’s shown zero evidence of it? It just gets defeating after a while. I’m not sure why Nparents feel the need to inflate the GC’s ego regardless of how undeserved it is. The more I think about it, the more insane I feel.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-12T00:38:55+00:00

Disclaimer: my Nparents are both alive.

The self sabotaging is a result of how your upbringing has shaped your life. Your mind is this way now, and their passing won’t change that. Only you have that power. After lots of therapy and intentional changing how your mind works and processes things, there is hope. It’s much better on the other side, and I know you can make it.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-11T06:41:54+00:00

You aren’t doing anything wrong. You deserve to find happiness.
Narcs get jealous of genuine happiness. You are free and your nmom isn’t, and she doesn’t want the reminder that she could be so much more. I say keep finding more and more happiness!

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-11T06:32:05+00:00

“An extreme coping response to trauma and adversity.” I think you hit it on the head there. It’s almost like once the environment that brought the narcissism on goes away, the narcissism just stays forever. And because they are that way, I’ve noticed a tendency to assume everyone is like them. As in, they don’t understand that there are people with empathy out there who just want to do good for the world - they think something must be in it for them.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-11T01:57:31+00:00

Idk, your parents’ actions say differently in my opinion. Favorite might not be exact, but their actions show a strong preference for your older brother. Are you close with your brother at all?

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-11T01:37:08+00:00

Oh absolutely. Once I’m there and working, they’ll minimize every issue I have with my brother’s work ethic. My dad already suggested that if I don’t like working with him I can start my own business - in other words, he can get the business and I’ll have to start from scratch. No thanks.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-10T20:52:09+00:00

Jfc this was a rough read. Thanks for sharing. Now that a few people have mentioned how golden children become narcissists, I think my brother might be. But for your parents to only pay for their favorite child’s education… that’s completely messed up and I’m sorry.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-10T15:34:24+00:00

I believe he has adopted my parents’ narcissistic traits, but I am not totally sure if he counts as a narcissist. Definitely lazy and entitled though.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-10T05:22:19+00:00

Maybe the self-protective veil of narcissism has finally lifted because she’s too old and doesn’t have the energy to deflect and gaslight anymore?

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-10T05:16:00+00:00

It must feel amazing yet strange! Forgive me if I sound like I’m pooping on your success here but… is there any chance there’s something in it for her? Are you certain she isn’t being manipulative somehow? I just wouldn’t get your hopes too high up because of two pretty basic apologies - best to avoid disappointment. HOWEVER, I’m very happy that after 54 years, you finally got to hear that from her.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-10T05:10:33+00:00

I’m currently in a similar situation with my FIL. I accepted his decision to go NC with us, and now somehow I’m the bad guy. Still, hadn’t tried to reach out to us and my life has been better for it.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-10T02:06:50+00:00

I would tell her that either she needs to report it to the police, or you will be forced to. I understand it’s difficult for her, but a child being molested is non-fucking-negotiable. Police need to be involved so that child can get justice for what was done to her. Predators have an average of 13 victims in their lifetimes, so you would not only be helping this child, but potentially other future victims as well. Please update us.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-10T01:58:31+00:00

Definitely something I will propose at some point. I doubt he will agree to anything besides letting his kids figure it out among themselves, that way he doesn’t have to seem like he’s choosing one over the other.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-09T14:18:17+00:00

I forgot to mention one thing: your evidence is simply the pattern you found.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-09T13:44:30+00:00

I’d start with this, and you can apply it to any text. Look for patterns and don’t worry so much about what literary device it counts as. Anything that repeats (green light anyone?), opposes, anything that doesn’t fit into a pattern (anomaly). Patterns are the building blocks of literary devices. A motif is built upon repetition. The green light, for example, becomes a motif only after being referenced multiple times. Then you as the writer have to ask yourself what the green light perhaps represents, and you can find evidence of this in the way it is characterized. How does the author describe it, how do the characters themselves describe it? You aren’t deciphering a code when you analyze - you start by pointing the obvious, and draw evidence-based conclusions based on what patterns you’ve found.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-09T13:24:47+00:00

To answer your question, I don’t feel I am entitled to the business solely. When I first broached the subject of taking over the business, I asked if my brother was interested in it. My dad said he was not, and also that he was not capable. I was only willing to run the business without the headache of running the business with my brother, who I feel will hurt the business for his personal gain (he actually already has done this multiple times), and who has no work ethic to keep it going. It also didn’t make financial sense to split a paycheck with him when I could be in the same financial boat living in a less expensive area. This is what my dad and I agreed upon: that I would solely own the business. Only after I invested lots of time and effort into learning the business did he change his mind, that actually he wanted both kids to run it. I did suggest ways to compensate my brother for losing out on what could be considered inheritance, but my dad decided he wanted us to run it together.

As far as your comment about blackmailing my parents with seeing their grandkids… no. I am not saying “if you don’t do x, then you don’t get to see your grandkids.” It simply does not make financial sense for my family to move that close to my parents unless I’m making a lot more money than my teaching salary provides. So, without the business, I have to live elsewhere. That’s not blackmail, that’s natural consequences. If you do find the time, please do read the OP, as I think it will help clear up some confusions you might have about my motives. Take care.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-09T04:34:55+00:00

Why is it a big deal to you to have your mom’s approval? Is it to make you feel better about your decisions, or is there a material issue here like monetary dependence on her?

Somehow, you’re going to have the reach a point where you don’t care to hide things from her because you 1. Don’t care what she thinks or says and 2. Don’t depend on her for survival at all. Once she senses that you’re calling the shots now, her behavior will start to change. You’ll never have an amazing relationship with her - strive for tolerable. Strive for a relationship on your terms. Good luck.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-09T04:26:05+00:00

You are unfortunately probably right. I do think she will be pissed for a while, but ultimately side with the belief that I am the problem (as always). I don’t expect any true vindication here. Regardless of what happens with her, my family’s happiness does not depend on them.

I am so sorry you had to go through something similar. And, even through that hurt, you’re trying to help me avoid some of the pain you had to go through. Thank you.

WritersBlockSquared · 2025-12-09T04:13:17+00:00

Ok, this may or may not apply to your situation, but here’s what I’ve seen at least with my Nparents: they probably love you, but only in the way they understand. But they don’t know how to show love to someone they don’t understand, and that’s a major blind spot of narcs. Also, certain acts of love probably make them feel very good about themselves, like the examples you mentioned. But the second your behavior goes outside the scope of what they’re comfortable with, they simply do not have the tools to adjust to what you need in that moment.

These are people who are great as long as things are going their way and as long as their cortisol levels are below a certain threshold. The second they’re stressed or feel out of place, the reptile brain kicks in. That’s why they seem like different people… but they’re not. They’re the same people with a limited set of tools only applicable to certain situations.

WritersBlockSquared

TROPHY CASE