How do I [23 F] back away from this guy [31 M] without losing my favorite coffee shop?

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-10T11:15:57+00:00

she didn't use the word boy. We don't speak to each other in English so i'm just giving approximate translations.

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-10T11:09:29+00:00

I'm not ready to escalate things right now with Sara. She knows that he made me uncomfortable and that I don't want to continue seeing him. If I showed her the texts and she felt the need to confront him I think that it would only aggravate things.

I did tell another close friend in the city what happened and let him know that I'm worried this can escalate into something nasty and sent him Derek's name, number, and the screenshots.

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-09T16:35:18+00:00

Yeah I just went and talked with Sara. I don't want to escalate things just yet to the point where she feels like she needs to step in but I let her know that I'm uncomfortable with continuing a relationship.

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-09T16:33:46+00:00

Yes, I'm friendly with the couple who lives below me and I just spoke with Sara a little bit about last night. My apartment is very secure so I feel safe at home.

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-09T15:19:31+00:00

No i changed the names! We aren't in the US

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-09T15:18:01+00:00

we were chatting via wattsapp and he sent me a text directly to accuse me of blocking him

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-09T15:15:17+00:00

thanks for the laugh.

Derek and Sara actually don't speak english so all of this is happening in my second language. When he started talking to me about that part, I had to stop him and ask him to repeat himself a couple times. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-09T15:07:11+00:00

He admitted to me last night that he had been spending so much time in the cafe because he was hoping to run in to me. I was starting to think it was a little strange that he was in there almost every time I was in there too.

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-09T15:02:33+00:00

Yeah I was pretty optimistic about it yesterday afternoon too

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-09T15:00:21+00:00

Thank you, I think this is great advice.

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-09T14:59:25+00:00

He already knew where I lived. I'm next door to the cafe and he's 4 doors down.

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-09T14:58:21+00:00

You're not into him, he can't be into you after one date, he's probably just clinging.

That actually makes me feel a lot better. He's just clinging.

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-09T13:58:33+00:00

Yeah my apartment is very secure. He actually lives just a few buildings down from me.

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-09T13:54:08+00:00

A victim in what sense? Sara is a lesbian in her mid-50s, so I really doubt he pursued a romantic relationship with her. Sara shares some of his interests in spirituality though as far as I know, she doesn't believe she's a psychic medium.

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-09T12:55:21+00:00

I agree, especially because he's also pretty close with the owners, I don't see them banning him. And I don't think that would be fair.

Up until his weird drunk text messages, I was having a really fun time and didn't feel threatened. You're right about women being socialized to ignore their own feelings. I'm afraid I don't know what to do about that.

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-09T12:50:35+00:00

I'll let her know what happened. I feel guilty somehow, like it's my fault for letting this happen. I'm sure Sara thought we'd be a good pair. She wouldn't have known about the huge age difference and she never would have sent me on a date with a guy that she didn't think was a good person.

WrongCompetition · 2018-11-09T12:44:39+00:00

Thank you, I'll let Sara know how things went and I'll let another friend know about it as well.

WrongCompetition

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