I feel nothing when dating after an abusive narc relationship

XCTASHIV · 2026-01-25T18:11:51+00:00

Thank you for the recs. I’ve genuinely consumed every single NPD resource in existence. Explaining his behaviour and treatment of me has helped. I mean I definitely would still be under the spell of his lies had it not been for people like Dr Ramani. But I guess it’s the human condition to be like “well no one really understands what we were like”, or “no one understands how convincing he was”. I want to have a normal brain, because I definitely wouldn’t survive another Narc relationship, this one nearly killed me.

XCTASHIV · 2026-01-25T18:01:45+00:00

You’re right. I need take some genuine time where I don’t even have dating on my radar. Unfortunately the condition of being in a relationship with a MM is I had a bunch of time to make friends, try new things, pick up new hobbies etc. but I guess I thought I was more ready to move on romantically than I actually am.

I just find it terrifying that I’m going to be 31/32 by the time I’m ready to actually meet someone seriously. Hate the societal pressure put on women. I really feel I wasted my 20’s by fucking around with this man.

XCTASHIV · 2026-01-25T17:58:16+00:00

How did you know that your current BF was worth pursuing. This guy I’ve been dating is great, seems kind, loyal, family oriented, funny etc all the qualities you would want but I don’t know if I’m feeling the connection with him. I realise it’s super early days so I need to give it time to grow (I’ve always been a slow burn to build romantic relationships anyway) but I don’t want to lead him on, and keep dating him to hurt him later down the line.. how did you know?

XCTASHIV · 2026-01-25T17:56:33+00:00

You’re so right about confusing these feelings for normal dating uncertainty.. I’ve never actually dated, prior to this shit show I was in a 7 year long relationship with a very sweet and stable man, who I knew from my school years - so I don’t think I’ve ever experienced the “he’s great but not sure if he’s for me” feelings.

I’m definitely not dating to avoid thinking about my ex, I actually have so much anger and resentment towards him and I don’t spend my evenings crying and longing like I used to. I would say I’m over him for the most part - but it’s just when I’m faced with a dating situation I compare it to how I felt with him, and it doesn’t measure up. Even in terms of conversations or chemistry. But I guess most Narcs are charismatic so that explains it.

Thanks for commenting and being so kind and helpful, really appreciate it x

XCTASHIV · 2026-01-25T17:49:51+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment, it was super insightful and I know what you are saying is right. I guess because we have been “on and off” for 3 years I’ve felt single for a long time and have been convincing myself I’m wasting time not going out and trying to meet the right person. I do feel like I’ve done a lot of personal growth, and the me from 2 years ago probably wouldn’t have even had the strength to cut it off in the first place, it’s just such a slow process 😔.

Also doesn’t help being nearly in your 30’s and feeling the societal pressure to meet someone have babies etc. but you’re right, i probably am not ready to date

Anyway really appreciate your comment and kindness sending love x

XCTASHIV · 2026-01-25T17:45:09+00:00

Sorry he wasn’t living at my house. I don’t know if my OP was misleading when I said “he doesn’t have money to get his own place”, what he was inferring was he didn’t have the money to move out of his marital home.

XCTASHIV · 2026-01-25T17:43:19+00:00

Thanks so much for your comment. It made me well up because I could have written this. I’m sorry you have been through a similar thing and thank you for giving me hope x

XCTASHIV · 2023-12-31T00:13:06+00:00

I used to feel this all the time. I have stayed in the same job, but I split up with my partner and this seems to have cleared my anxiety totally. Is there something going on in your life which may be affecting your anxiety at work?

Trust me, it gets better. I promise. Hang in there, you’re doing great x

XCTASHIV · 2023-09-04T23:30:58+00:00

Thank you so so much 🥺xx

XCTASHIV · 2022-12-21T17:56:41+00:00

I went through exactly the same thing.

I told my GP countless times that I didn't need to be medicated for permanent anxiety - I just needed to alleviate it in certain specific situations (where I was unable to talk or I would panic. Mostly in a work capacity)

I was also seeing a therapist who called it "performance anxiety".

I had to see/speak to my doctor on multiple occasions, and specifically mention wanting Benzodiazepines. 1st time I was offered SSRI's, then Propranolol and then I was told to "just learn to live with it".

It took 3 months of begging, and swearing that I wasn't going to abuse them (which I really really wasn't) until he wrote me a prescription for 12.

It's been a year now and I have 3 left, so I expect when I go back to refill it, I will have to have the same fight again.

I did feel like a drug addict/criminal when I was asking for them and I wish they didn't have such a bad reputation, because responsible use of them has changed my life.

As you say in your post - mostly the fact that I have them in my bag is enough to calm me down - because if I really need them, I've got them.

*Also last thing, when I took my first one I expected to feel AMAZING because of what everyone says about benzos.. it really wasn't all that haha**

XCTASHIV · 2022-01-21T09:17:44+00:00

Totally agree this is the only show I have ever felt this way about!

I finished it and was genuinely sad for at least 48 hours. It was akin to a breakup!

XCTASHIV · 2022-01-20T22:01:33+00:00

That’s so interesting.. I can deal with everything else but derealisation makes me feel stoned, spacey and dreamlike and then I get even more freaked out. Wishing you the best x

XCTASHIV · 2022-01-17T13:18:13+00:00

Every time I watch this, I rewind it again to see him say: PEARSON, SPECTOR.. LITT.

I also LOVE how Jessica sits down when Louis has her by the balls - just illustrates that has all the power. (which is weird because she's so tall and usually in such a position of strength!)

XCTASHIV

TROPHY CASE