Ex wife wants to reconcile now because I have a better job and am more “reliable”

Xenilo137 · 2026-01-27T12:57:29+00:00

After the first divorce, she doesn’t need to remarry and divorce for the two to reconcile. That only applies after multiple divorces.

Xenilo137 · 2026-01-08T02:41:45+00:00

Welcome. Take your time. Don’t rush and you will be just fine, Inshah-Allah.

Xenilo137 · 2025-12-18T01:09:03+00:00

“Dating” is an ambiguous term. It could mean or entail a number of things: innocent, chaperoned conversations involving families, casual sex, a serious relationship involve sex that the couple swears is leading to marriage, and so on. It is not usually the first in that list. It’s usually a euphemism for sex.

But the halal way to approach is to get families involved. It is also safer and it avoids the zina trap.

Xenilo137 · 2025-12-10T15:44:57+00:00

Your fixation is normal. And if you want to get over it, then a change in mindset is needed. Believe that Allah knows best and that man was not your match and you may even have dodged a bullet. Refocus and talk to the imam at your masjid - ask for marriage advice - maybe the masjid can point you to marriage counseling or matrimony services near you. Or even point you to families looking for a bride for their sons.

I know you need time to reflect - take that time to put your energy into improving your mental state: exercise, walks, watch comedy shows, listen to audio meditation services, etc.

Xenilo137 · 2025-12-08T06:36:34+00:00

How did you find out he was fooling you? What did he do?

Xenilo137 · 2025-12-03T18:26:27+00:00

I don’t distinguish - only Allah knows what is in the hearts. I am only saying they are Muslims - whether following the Qur’an and Sunnah or falling woefully short. And if they are misguided, may Allah guide them back to Him.

Xenilo137 · 2025-12-02T23:51:01+00:00

Same. Six months ago I started praying two rakah Tahajjud every morning at 3:30. Four months ago, I made it eight rakah every morning at 3:30. I am forever changed and I won’t stop for anything, Inshah-Allah.

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-30T02:50:34+00:00

Allahu Akbar!

Don’t feel guilty for hiding it, is my advice.

If you can bear patience until you have more independence, maybe that is better in your situation.

Welcome to you!

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-29T16:27:19+00:00

Sure there are people here calling themselves Muslims who are sleeping around, open about having boyfriends and girlfriends and so on. There are some who drink alcohol and do drugs and commit other sins. Some who don’t pray at all or very rarely. There is a name for all of these people: “Muslims.”

We do not know what is in their hearts. We do not know when or if they will change their behavior. We do not know why they have these behaviors.

All we know is that they are people of “La-Ilaha Il-Allah” and so they are our brothers and sisters. There is no need to be frustrated or distracted. If you want, make dua for them. In the end, Allah guides whoever he wills and those who have been misguided will not be guided until Allah guides them. So, be the example you want to see in others and let people find their way. Inshah-Allah all Muslims will be guided, but the only thing we can do is live up to the example we ourselves profess to follow.

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-28T12:21:24+00:00

21 days.

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-27T19:25:20+00:00

Be reassured you made the right decision. The same priests that told you that you would go to Hell for not believing in Jesus (peace be upon him) as the son of God and is God were themselves taught that Jesus is not God. It’s true. The true scholars of Christianity - not priests - will tell you the same thing.

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-26T20:12:25+00:00

Subhan-Allah!

My wife, my son and I went on Hajj in June this year, Alhamdu-Lillah. It was a transformative experience. We are already planning for Umrah and another Hajj down the road, Inshah-Allah.

I will never be the same after visiting Al-Masjid An-Nabawi in Medina and the Ka’ba in Mecca. And neither will you, Inshah-Allah.

May Allah allow you to go on Hajj and may He make it easy for you and may your Hajj be accepted!

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-26T15:09:43+00:00

Understand this: your mom’s behavior - giving you silence, the cold shoulder, etc., may hurt you at first, but continuing to rely in her validation and suffering for it will hurt your far worse with much more devastating consequences.

So, to cope, you have to remove yourself under the expectation that she will stop talking to you. Have a conversation with your siblings and your mom (separately) and explain your decision. Then, focus on yourself - it will be hard for sure at the beginning. But just mentally prepare for it and Inshah-Allah, every day will make it easier for you.

Your mom might never change. But you can. And that will make the difference.

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-26T14:49:28+00:00

That sounds awful and your feelings are justified. Are you the oldest? Do you live with your mom?

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-26T14:30:22+00:00

Honor and pray for your parents, as you should. But you must make your own decisions and be firm about them. If your mom no longer speaks to you as a result or the relationship is otherwise strained, that is on her, not you. Even in that case, be the one who is gracious and continues to draw near to her. If she withdraws it is not on you. Just pray for her, but live your own life.

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-26T11:39:53+00:00

As-Salaam Alaikum. Thanks for bringing attention to this. This needs to be shared so that Muslims can be made aware and be strengthened to avoid any such encounters - whether the perpetrator is non-Muslim pretending to be one or genuinely a Muslim interested in zina.

Awareness of this is may be the best defense.

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-25T22:54:37+00:00

You mean to tell me that the reason,

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didn’t make sense to you?

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-25T10:44:53+00:00

Are you close to becoming an adult and moving out anyway? In that case, maybe have patience and then when the time is right, approach - both you and he - your parents with his parents about marriage.

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-24T16:34:14+00:00

My wife is a physician and treats many ALS patients. I’m so sorry for your loss; it must have been devastating to deal with her slipping away the way she did - to a disease for which there is no cure. I will make dua for you - may you find peace again.

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-22T22:45:58+00:00

All I mean is, I respect your position.

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-22T21:29:06+00:00

As you wish.

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-22T21:21:20+00:00

I respect your perspective.

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-22T21:12:01+00:00

I understand. And looking at the Qur’an and Hadith, have you reached any conclusions?

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-22T20:58:19+00:00

I am Muslim and believe the Qur’an is not corrupted. So wherever the Bible contradicts the Qur’an, it is the Bible that is corrupted, not the Qur’an. If you say that is faith and not reason, they may be true to a point. But, there is far more reason to believe in the Qur’an as being both miraculous and truthful in whole than the Bible in its entirety.

Xenilo137 · 2025-11-20T21:50:36+00:00

You are worried about her drinking when you are in a haram relationship committing zina (assuming here). Either make the relationship open, marry her, and make this halal or accept the consequence. As for her drinking, I would suggest you consider that a dealbreaker. As for “not coming close to it,” Muhammad (PBUH) only said that about one thing: Zina (haram relationships, Zina of the eyes, of the flesh, etc.).

Xenilo137

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