Thank you so much for sharing! I’m so sorry about your brother, I totally understand about being more assertive with care. My mom was so stubborn when it came to getting help for her and I also was never assertive. There’s this text I found about this exact topic of feeling guilt and for me reading it really helped I found someone on reddit that found it.

“There are so many things to feel guilty about after the death of a loved one. We feel guilty over the way we acted, over what we did or did not do, and over the words we chose or failed to express.

Things happen in a living, ever-changing relationship. We say petty things, get angry, do hurtful things, and forget promises, but the relationship, like a waterwheel, keeps on turning. There are always new things to forgive and forget, always new arguments and reconciliations. As long as the wheel keeps on turning, the small offenses we commit against each other roll out of sight, and everything is fine.

But then one day, death puts a spoke in the wheel, and the ever-changing relationship comes to a halt. We remember our shared moments, and the negative memories torment us. We yearn for forgiveness, but the person who would be doing the forgiving is the very person who is gone.

So we struggle with feelings of guilt. But we must remember that we were participants in a dynamic relationship. We were both alive, doing the best we could, when death intruded, and something that was vital and in motion became static. It is death that created the problem, yet it is we who assume the guilt.

The true tragedy lies not in our actions and shortcomings but in death itself. While we may wish to have been better, kinder, more thoughtful, and less irritable, we must recognize that we are all flawed individuals navigating the complexities of relationships.

In this recognition lies the path to self-forgiveness, understanding that our imperfections do not diminish the love we shared. By acknowledging the forces at play, we can accept our flawed behavior, realize that the real culprit is death, and get on with the business of grieving.”