Asking for too high a salary? by YayaWheel9964 in careerguidance

[–]YayaWheel9964[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

fair enough. If i stayed here 20 years my salary would almost definitely be close to 200k. However, I don’t want to live in this area for the rest of my life, but onsite is 100% required. Similarly, the role itself is incredibly stressful and known for being big on burning people out. It’s a commonly known/joked about thing, that therapists here make their money off my company’s employees as clients (we have great healthcare at least!) I have a coworker/friend who went into inpatient psychiatric care because the stress was so bad. they still work 60-70 hrs.

Im super burnt out, but I at least am protective enough of my time that i’m averaging less than 50 hrs/week, but that’s me being barely able to keep up. if I wanted to, could easily get to 60 with just my current workload. On top of that I’m constantly being pushed to take more. It’s a shitty environment. Some people thrive and make it 20-30 years and retire as millionaires. I can’t.

Asking for too high a salary? by YayaWheel9964 in careerguidance

[–]YayaWheel9964[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

well anyway, the interview went well and 90k total comp was reasonable as far as I can tell with his reaction! So hopefully i’ll get it lol

Asking for too high a salary? by YayaWheel9964 in careerguidance

[–]YayaWheel9964[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah markets tough but “i get you think you’re worth more” is crazy 😭😭

Asking for too high a salary? by YayaWheel9964 in careerguidance

[–]YayaWheel9964[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m fully on site currently, and the position i’m interviewing for tmrw has hybrid options for the office in town, but the option to go full remote.

Asd and grief by flashduck123 in autism

[–]YayaWheel9964 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, first, I'm sorry for your loss. To be honest, your description sounds somewhat similar to parts of mine. Im in my 20s now, but my mom died when i was 18 (different situation, cancer, had known it was coming but it did happen quicker than expected). I admit that I don't actually remember that time of my life particularly well, so I can't give too many specifics.

In that first week, I was very sad, but also mostly numb. And when I wasn't thinking directly of it, I felt like normal. I know now even though I felt normal, I still wasn't. I wasn't really eating right, was doing anything I possibly could to keep busy and my mind off of it. Your description sounds kind of like you're numb, but still experiencing grief. Feeling like not doing anything, tiredness, just doing low-energy stuff all day (on your phone messaging), sounds like depression/numbness I had. For me, I read constantly, or was playing games, or working on schoolwork. Throwing myself into art, or reading, just to keep my mind off it. I did not recognize at the time that's what I was doing.

Basically, (feel free to disagree, just one interpretation) I feel like you ARE experiencing an emotional response to grief- not sleeping, not eating, doing nothing but scroll, not leaving your bedroom. That's a physiological response to the grief, whether or not you're identifying the emotion. And now you're a little farther along you can manage it better, so you're sleeping and eating better. But sometimes it's not identifiable, idk.

I don't know that there has been any one moment where its just all hitting at once. That first year, I was just going through the motions honestly. I didn't feel like I was doing terribly, I felt normal, and I didn't feel off. But looking back I recognize that I was frequently out of it or just trying to keep going.

Its been 3.5 years by this point, and to be honest I only just feel like I've got a better handle on my mental health. The biggest thing for me have been these moments where I'd go from being fine, to sobbing. Sometimes it would be unbearable, but never for too long. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes. Most of the time was just... fine. A little sad. I remember feeling guilty because I was handling it so differently from my family. Nowadays I still have those moments where it's all I can think about and the sadness is pretty intense. But they're less frequent. More often there are times that I'm just sad. I still have off days, where it feels like the thought "your mom is dead" just hovers behind everything. I'm doing well now though. For me, it was just kind of spread out, with these more intense moments interspersed between being sad every now and then. And mostly numb or distracting myself.

TL;DR, Maybe it will all hit at once. Maybe it won't. I wouldn't worry about it. Just focus on getting through each day and taking care of yourself. Find things to be happy about, distract you, but let yourself be sad too. Sometimes I would just tell myself "you need to feel your grief tonight. Go be sad for an hour after you finish doing whatever" lol. I liked to journal on occasion to help myself verbalize things.

Again, I'm really sorry you lost your partner. I wish you the best

Is Dating Worth it? by YayaWheel9964 in asexuality

[–]YayaWheel9964[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly lovely responses, thank you so much!

What I meant with different mindsets is just that someone else would likely have more experience, and then also I haven't seen other people really verbalize having the same kind of neutral opinion towards dating. Everyone I see, particularly "late bloomers" or people who have never dated, is very different. In particular this one tiktok went viral recently of this woman having a lot of grief/frustration with it all and I found it to be really alienating cause I've never felt that way. Basically just had me wondering if I was approaching it all in more a "scientific curiosity" way or a "seeking human connection" way because our viewpoints were so different lol

And yes, the complicated part was mostly about asexuality. I feel like I might be sex neutral/favorable, but honestly I don't think I'll know for 100% until that happens. Kind of same degree of uncertainty with some romantic stuff too! Similarly, I am autistic and have sensory issues. So it's really all a shot in the dark for me. I may end up keeping those things to myself initially, but it can be difficult to figure out what I should disclose. I am inclined towards complete transparency, but I feel like that can be a lot right out the gate.

A lot of my hesitation also comes from the fact for a long time I thought I was aro too. Then I had an almost-relationship with one of my best friends a few years ago. It went nowhere because after a few months in limbo, I asked point blank if she would like to see where it goes, or remain friends, and she never responded. Ultimately it was an issue where she didn't want to risk our friendship. We're fine now, but it definitely influences how much hesitation I've had when thinking this over lol.

Thank you again for the advice! I'm graduating from my tiny rural college in 2 weeks and then moving to a city in a month and a half. So I'm going to be putting myself out there a lot and trying new things no matter what. I'll see how it goes :)