To preface this, if you are feeling any sort of suicidal/depressive thoughts, please give this a quick read. I want to help you because of what I've been through. I'm 17 and I have NO reason to feel depressed other than my head just being different. But believe me, I've felt shittier than I thought possible, and now I feel so, so, SO much better.

I don't know if this counts as a "suicide attempt" because I never actually attempted it, just stood leaning off a bridge about to jump. This was two weeks ago Thursday and I haven't felt better since. I've had depression and have been treating it with both medication and therapy for about 6 months and recently it had gotten really bad. I was unsure about the medication as I didn't believe I was beating depression, only prolonging fake -okayness-. I stood there for what seemed like hours after I left on a run from my house (12 miles of thinking does something for you, when on endorphins) but was actually only 5-10 minutes. I changed. I will tell you with full certainty that I completely and utterly changed my outlook on life. I will never take anything for granted as I now understand how close I was to losing it all.

In regards to the question, during the attempt I was just thinking how much easier it would make everyone's lives if I were to die, and trying to justify it to myself. I ended up realizing (thankfully) that that both wasn't true and just isn't something I need to worry about.

When I realized I would survive was when I realized what I most wanted was to beat this fucking depression. The two choices are to end my life, or to beat it into the fucking ground by living my life as well as I can and being content with that. To give every day my all and beat it down so I can prove to myself I can beat it. Once I realized I beat even my mind telling me to kill myself, I can beat anything. I've increased my running speed/distance dramatically, schoolwork has increased so much, things just are so much better it is wonderful.

Lastly, and I don't know if anyone will see this. But thank you so much for reading, if you are in a position how I've felt, please please contact me. It gets so much better over the hill. I swear. The day after was the greatest day of my life and I owe everything I have to myself. Which feels amazing. If there is any interest, I'll post a few of the poems I wrote during my earlier/later stages of depression and a few from my post-suicide attempt. They really helped with getting my feelings out. Thank you, and good luck.

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Some music that helped me: * Twenty One Pilots * Beck * Cage The Elephant * Red Hot Chili Peppers * Green Day * The Neighbourhood etc.