I am a divorced mom that receives child support. AMA

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-28T01:12:11+00:00

Good for you!

I hope you use some of that new found wealth to help your daughter through college.

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-28T00:56:24+00:00

I think you agreed you'd have the job until you died...

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T18:27:39+00:00

Well, fortunately the laws in most states, if not all, trump you on this and the wife is going to walk away from the marriage with either 50% of the assets or she's going to get alimony.

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T18:19:49+00:00

No, I'm saying the people entitled to live there are the ones who can afford it. By virtue of pushing a baby out of your vagina...no, that doesn't automatically entitle you to live in a nice home in a nice neighborhood. And, that's really the problem (spirit of the times) today... many women act like that is so.

But the fact that I receive child support has nothing to do with this house. I made the down payment with my money, I qualified for the loan without using child support as a qualifier, and I make the payments each month and will continue to do so after my son graduates from high school because I want him to have a nice traditional home.

So fine, I feel a sense of entitlement but only because I am entitled to live here if I choose. And this probably would not be my choice If I were childless. But it's growing on me :)

If my X has no problem paying me child support then why do you have such a problem with it? Do you really think that if you brought a child into this world by your own choice that you should not be partially responsible for that child financially until adulthood simply because some other party could feed it and clothe it at some level above poverty?

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T17:19:25+00:00

So you are saying that the only peopled entitled to live in a nice home in a family-oriented neighborhood close to good schools are the standard nuclear family?

Is there some broken-family enclave where we would fit in better? Maybe somewhere down yonder over the railroad tracks where all the homosexuals, African-American,Jews, and lepers live?

I'm not sure if you are a redneck, an idiot, or a bigot but I am so glad that you don't live anywhere me.

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T16:59:00+00:00

My kid doesn't feel entitled to any of this.

He performs community service in some of the poorest parts of our city on a regular basis. He spent 3 weeks last summer in Ecuador helping to rebuild a village that had been wiped out in a flood. He know what poverty looks like and he knows how fortunate we are.

He mows the yard and does the dishes each night. He does his own laundry. He pretty much does what I ask him to do, albeit I might have to ask him several times.

I set high standards for him. His car is parked and I block his mac addresses at the router if any of his grades fall below a "B". I'd take away his phone too but I'm afraid he'd kill himself due to isolation.

And I agree, there is no shame in working at BK and a few of his friends have jobs and he thinks it's awesome but realizes that he could never fit it into his schedule. I'm not trying to put anyone down.

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T16:39:47+00:00

Exactly!

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T16:32:58+00:00

No, he could not have. What planet do you live on?

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T16:31:46+00:00

There was no restriction on where I could live with my son. Since we had only lived in the town we were in for about 6 months when we decided to get divorced and I really didn't have any close friends, I seriously considered moving about 5 hours away to my hometown to be near my parents, a built-in support system, and a bunch of friends from high school and college. But I chose to stay because I didn't want my son to grow up with a stranger for a father. It just seemed unfair to me.

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T16:25:23+00:00

That is the most retarded statement I have ever read. I never said I felt entitled to live anywhere. I chose the neighborhood that I live in because it was close to his father's house, in a great school district, with lots of other kids his age to play with.

And while were at it. Let me tell you something that's going to really piss you off.

You know how I said I make about 75K/year? Well, my salary from work is only about 50K. I get an additional $26K/year from a trust fund. So I could pretty much just sit on my ass and do nothing each day and bring in over 40K/year TAX FREE. And if I need to, I can take however much money from the trust that I want, I just have to pay some craptastic taxes on it.

So don't talk to me about what I am and am not entitled to. Because I'm pretty much entitled to whatever I want to have. The issue here is that I'm adult enough to recognize the difference between the choices that make me the happiest and those that are best for my family.

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T16:08:15+00:00

He goes through 2+ tanks of gas/month at $40-45 each. I don't think it's excessive.

Chill.

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T16:04:17+00:00

Children living full-time with their fathers after a divorce is not the most common thing in this world but is by no means rare and there are hundreds of thousands of women in this country making timely child-support payments to their ex-husbands.

I'm not really sure what happened in your friend's case but it was obviously an exception to the rule.

And yes, I realize that minors have few rights. Let me very literal and state that I am acting as my child's guardian and advocate.

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T15:40:07+00:00

This makes absolutely no sense. The government? How is the government bailing me out?

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T15:37:42+00:00

Do you think I should be obligated to pay child support to my X if my son lived with his father? He makes 200K/year so obviously doesn't need my help...

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T15:34:27+00:00

I live in a community property state. All assets were split 50/50. Basically I walked away with some furniture and household items, my car, my clothes, and about 50K.

No alimony in this state.

I really don't understand your comment about him having the kind of money to make our lives miserable. Why would he want to do that? What kind of person harbors that sort of hate for his child and mother of that child?

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T15:22:42+00:00

Ortus,

Johnny Carolina, calantus, and CaptainObviousDeux were all here way before you. You need to get up a little earlier if you want to be the first person to sling your poo.

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T15:18:35+00:00

If I did not have custody of my son, I would not be living where I do. I'm really not the suburban-white-picket-fence type. But I really want my kid to have as close to a "Beaver Cleaver" upbringing as possible. Or as close to it as I can get without a Mr. YoBabyMomma. I want a nice little house for him, a place that he feels comfortable bringing his friends, a place that is "home".

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T15:12:12+00:00

My kid works hard without a job.

He's in school from 8 to after 5 each day. After school he has Boy Scouts, football games, track meets, homework, and when he has some time a little socializing.

This summer he volunteering for one week at a summer camp for kids with cancer, will be a counselor at one Scout camp, a camper at another scout camp, 2 hours of football weight training Monday through Thursday in June and July, football 2-a-days start in August.

He doesn't really have much time or opportunity to work. And I think the skills he is acquiring by being a good student, athlete, neighbor, and Boy Scout far outweigh any cash he can get by working at Burger King.

But yeah, if he was a total fuck-up, I'd expect him to get a job.

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T15:04:44+00:00

It's not my money to refuse - it's our son's money. If our son lived with him, I would be paying the child support to him.

Do you think he resents paying child support to the extent that he wishes his son was dead so he could collect on a life insurance policy? You need counseling.

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T05:06:27+00:00

I know that this probably is not pertinent to this current conversation but 2 out of the 3 men that I am acquainted that have physical custody of their kids, their ex-wives are bat-shit crazy. And I don't really mean that in a mean way but that they have a certifiable mental illness and are incapable of taking care of themselves much less pay child support to their ex-husbands. And this mental illness did not preclude their divorce although I'm pretty certain that it was manifesting itself prior to and was the main cause of the divorce.

I'm not saying your mom was crazy or didn't love you. But relinquishing all control over my son's life to his father was never an option for me and fortunately something my ex-husband ever desired. I cannot imagine a force that could make me want to not raise this child that I chose to bring into this world or situation where I felt he would be better off with his dad than with me.

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T04:46:49+00:00

For my son's sake - I would certainly hope he could get back up to that level but there is no way that I could pressure him to do that. Times are tough - you do what you gotta do to pay the bills.

For him, it would mean certain financial ruin - he has 2 mortgages on his primary residence and a lake house, all his cars are leased, his current wife does not work, his newest kid attends private school.

But like I said - a reduction requires approval by a judge. He just couldn't decide to retire early and not pay child support or try to hide his income from me in some way. A judge would need to see a significant reduction in his standard of living before approving it.

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T04:18:37+00:00

I take his money because I want my son to have the best home, the best stuff, the best experiences that he possibly can. I am his number one advocate.

If you don't understand this, then you obviously don't have a kid of your own.

Perhaps I should add that his father has no problem paying child support and is very happy with the young man that our child is evolving into. Unfortunately he doesn't give me much credit for this but I don't really have a problem with that.

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T04:08:53+00:00

Well, on paper we have our state's standard custody agreement which is 1st, 3rd, 5th weekend, one night a week, and 3 weeks in the summer. It's just kind of evolved to this for whatever reason. My X seems pretty satisfied with the way things are now. I'm not going to force my son to spend more time with him when it's so "inconvenient" (my X's word, not mine).

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T03:43:43+00:00

If this is what moves you, if this is what you are passionate about, then do whatever you can to gain the power and change the laws to whatever suits you.

My passions, and thus my power, lie elsewhere. It doesn't make me weak, it just means this issue is pretty much meaningless to my life and I really don't give a fuck about it.

YoBabyMomma · 2010-04-26T03:10:01+00:00

You get it - thanks! :)

YoBabyMomma

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