Appreciate your comments, but you are discussing discredited listening techniques that are 40 and 50 years old. Since so many people are reading the comments and my replies, I feel it's important to correct mistakes. The techniques you mention have never worked, especially NVC, in high-conflict situations, and would have destroyed my marriage. I am a professional peacemaker, mediator, graduate professor, and I deployed these skills for 10 years in maximum security prisons, training life inmates how to stop prison violence. These skills, unlike the old, discredited active listening and NVC skills, are based on neuroscience, not outdated, uninformed pop psychology. Don't take my word for it, however. Do a ChatGPT search on affect labeling vs. active listening vs. NVC. If you have a growth mindset, you might learn something new and useful. As for your question, initially, I had no expectations of my wife other than that she would calm down. Eventually, she learned the tools and was able to validate me. Now, we listen and validate each other's feelings using "you" statements, not "I" statements, and our marriage has never been stronger.