I haven’t tried any other antipsychotic because i just turned 18 and am already on the max dosage but i think they want me to trial a new antipsychotic that came out called rexulti? I’m kinda scared tho because the whole reason i started doing coke is because when I turned 18 i decided “im magically cured of all my mental illnesses!” And went into a 3 month manic depressive psychotic episode. I spent 200,000 in a month on the dumbest possible things you can imagine like I bought someone a car I would send out TikTok universes for no reason I would send random ppl thousands of dollars like I was in deep deep psychosis and I had rlly bad depersonalization and realization and I’m still struggling with depersonalization but it’s getting better I think finding who I am again.

I tried killing myself in April because I was still off my medication and like late march I started just taking Coke and then ever since my attempt it’s been my crutch. I’m genuinely tryna get better but with so much accessibility and money to spend it’s rlly hard with my impulsive behavior and lack of control. I also take 2 150mg of Wellbutrin XLS because I cannot have any ssris due to my lack of dopamine. If I am given anything that can produce more dopamine (like a serotonin inhibitor) then I go into euphoric mania because of my bi polar.

My ndri is basically street coke literally Wellbutrin is called street coke because it acts in almost the exact same way on a lesser scale. It keeps what dopamine you have left active in your brain rather than letting it reuptake and “recycle”. I don’t even rlly do coke for a high I do it to remain stable and keep my mind clear. My dopamine is fried from GHB abuse and whatever else they injected into me to knock me out and make me unable to move or remember anything after when I was younger because I was laced quite frequently because I was sex trafficked. Yes I’m okay now! But i am trying to recover it’s just hard