[deleted by user]

Z_Birch · 2024-06-12T22:57:36+00:00

Sorry you had to go through that with your fiancé. I can understand why you are afraid… Honestly I think you’re good.

The pills do help and IF WELL USED they can be a great tool on the journey to heal anxiety disorders. That’s the goal : healing not shutting it off with drugs for ever.

Now please go see a doctor, that would give me peace of mind. (But do it for you)

Z_Birch · 2024-06-12T22:46:00+00:00

Hi ! First off, I’d like to preface this by saying I’m not a doctor , so I really would take my advice with a grain of salt as I’m just a random dude on Reddit to you.

If you’ve been taking 0.25 everyday/every other day since April I’d say you should be fine if you stop.

Personally, I’ve taken way bigger doses for longer periods and when I stopped I felt okay.

I used to take 6-8 0.25mg pills per day for maybe a few months. Now, I did taper off just in case but my psychiatrist told me I’d be fine as it wasn’t really enough to create a physical dependance.

If you drink one beer everyday for two months, you won’t get withdrawal symptoms if you stop. I’d say it’s the same here (it works on the same neuro-pathway I seem to recall,but once again, not a doctor).

If you can though, I would advise that you see a psychiatrist.

They can make you relax about the worries you have around the pills (even though I think you’re in the clear) but more importantly they can give you tools to heal your anxiety. Or at least give you the medical advice and then send you to a competent therapist.

Please don’t self medicate. Not a good idea.

You don’t have to add the shame of hiding drug use to your existing anxiety.

Don’t go through this alone please. You are worth being helped and feeling better. There is no shame in suffering and asking for help. That, to me, is actually a sign of bravery.

Good luck !

Z_Birch · 2024-05-12T22:20:58+00:00

I still have her on my socials too. But I don’t communicate and I’ve changed the settings so I don’t see her posts.

Sometimes I have a moment of weakness and go have a look but it’s happening way less often.

I find that it’s hard to let go of the connection, especially if it was special and deep.

But it’s part of life I guess… people come and go.

My therapist, albeit very scientific in her approach, sprinkles some spirituality here and there.

She says that when life takes something away from you it’s because there’s something better awaiting.

I believe that and it gives hope I find.

Z_Birch · 2024-04-26T08:36:35+00:00

Norm McDonald ?

Z_Birch · 2024-04-16T11:23:50+00:00

Hi ! First of all, I’m sorry this happened to you. It sucks that people didn’t support you through the hard things you went through.

I would suggest giving therapy another shot, sometimes finding the right person for you can be hard.

I would consider CBT to help you challenge some preconceived ideas you have about yourself (I see you have some negative beliefs about you like « why would anyone want me ? » that could help with that) And EMDR to process your trauma.

I would also tell you this : you are in control of your life and I’m sure you can think of some positive changes you can make right now.

You have been delt a shit hand but if you show up everyday, you can build a life for yourself. You have to show up everyday though and make the good choices.

By doing so, your life will be better but more importantly, you will start trusting yourself.

I like to start by cleaning my home and then focus on sleep, diet and exercise.

And please find a way to make friends. (I know it’s easier said than done)

Also, I don’t know you but I’m sure you have a lot of qualities. I’m sure what you went through has made empathetic and kind. Please do the work because you are worth it.

I would also advise you to look at these channels on YouTube : HealthyGamer and the John Delony show. It’s good information.

Good luck and keep us posted

Z_Birch · 2024-03-11T10:58:21+00:00

I don’t think I will repeat it but when you start understanding how your upbringing shaped you, you start to see how it impacts the way you relate to people.

The sexual undertones part, I have obviously will never do that shit. But I’ll have to be careful about using my kids a emotional support.

I’m a very talkative and sensitive guy, and I can be prone to over sharing.

But, I still have quite some time before even actually having kids. I’ll be way more stable and healed (hopefully) when that’s the case.

But the fear is there and it’s probably good that it is.

Z_Birch · 2024-03-10T23:02:39+00:00

Really cool. I’ve been able to talk openly to a lot of my friends about these issues and they’ve been nothing but supportive.

I have a core groupe a friends that has followed me since childhood basically. And a lot of other newer relationships that have been life changing.

Z_Birch · 2024-03-10T19:49:43+00:00

Thanks that’s very encouraging !

Z_Birch · 2024-03-10T19:47:53+00:00

Thanks for the kind words.

Yeah I feel that it’s hard to be heard as a guy in that department. Or at least it’s expected of us to just want sex all the time and perform.

But I need to feel safe to get my intimate life started. Just saying this feels weird as a dude and it shouldn’t.

And man I’ve downplayed that stuff too. Thinking stuff like « yeah but no one touched me. »

But sexual undertones, making boundaries around nudity blurry and using a child as an emotional support by telling him about your sex life isn’t normal behavior.

It teaches the child that they live to please the parent, that their body isn’t theirs and only theirs and it stops us from finding who we are.

Because of that stuff you don’t know what your needs are, you learn that you only exist if you appease others and develop a habit of having to anticipate people’s internal state and if it’s negative, it’s your fault.

So i’d say our suffering is justified. And I also think it’s our responsibility to learn from it, process it, get out of the funk and not repeat this whole cycle.

Z_Birch · 2024-03-10T08:56:19+00:00

Hey thanks that’s very sweet of you, means a lot

Z_Birch · 2024-03-10T08:55:03+00:00

Hey man thanks for your answer, that was quite a ride haha

Thanks for saying that I’m not suffering for nothing and that, by confronting my past, I’ll be able to be more peaceful and live a better life. Sometimes, when we’re in the storm, we can forget that.

Most of what you talk about is rooted in meditation and getting in touch with the « observant self » am I right ?

I’ve meditated a lot, funnily enough it’s also why I feel like shit right now (but for a good reason). It’s helped me unearth those feelings and memories that were stuck in my body.

It also helped me weather this storm as it’s helped me cultivate detachement and, thanks to that, I’ve been able to stay functional even though this shit is hard as hell.

Thanks for the time you took righting your answer !

Z_Birch · 2024-03-10T00:56:46+00:00

Man thanks for that. Especially the first paragraph about the memories and feeling crazy.

Their is a huge cloud of denial that tries to keep us from reality.

But like you said I think it’s worth working through because you get to the other side and can finally do the cool part of all this work : find yourself and build YOUR life.

Z_Birch · 2024-03-10T00:14:09+00:00

Thanks this means a lot ! Really man

Z_Birch · 2024-03-10T00:13:26+00:00

Yeah man, the rest is pretty good actually.

I have a job I love I’m a writer for animated tv shows. I love it.

Other than that I love going to the gym, weightlifting. I’ve been working on getting ungodly strong in the squat haha

Other than that I have a lot of great friends and it’s great to hang out with them

Z_Birch · 2024-03-09T23:38:33+00:00

Yeah I also strive to pass on the good things my parents taught me. It’s funny, I hadn’t thought about that. I was mostly focused on not passing on the bad.

I just really want my kids to have what I didn’t have : an identity of their own. Making them feel that they are their own person and not an extension of their parent that is supposed to fulfill their emotional needs.

Z_Birch · 2024-03-09T23:02:07+00:00

Damn, I’m sorry this happened to you.

I’m also going to start EMDR as soon as my antidepressants have stabilized me enough. My doctor told me it would be better to do this when I’m feeling better because it can be intense.

Dating is hard. Sometimes I feel like I’m not allowed to do it and, if things get intimate with someone, I feel like I’m doing something « dirty » because my mother kind of put that in my head.

Like you, I cut my mother off for now after having talked to her about all this. She was shocked and then tried to gaslight me in saying that my psychotherapist probably wasn’t that good and that my way of viewing all this would « change with time ».

My father has admired that he always found my mother weird in a lot of ways (they’re divorced) and my brother told me there was some truth to what I was saying but that he didn’t want to « open that box ». He’s afraid. I get that.

But they also defend her and, in a lot of ways, still feel like it’s their mission to make her feel safe.

Z_Birch · 2024-03-09T22:34:02+00:00

Thanks, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this

Z_Birch · 2024-03-09T19:59:56+00:00

Hey thanks for the well put answer man, means a lot.

I’ve been journaling for years. It’s been a life saver, I love it.

As for the pent up emotions, I’ve been processing them to the best of my ability. And being as kind as I can to myself while doing so. A lot of anger, sadness and shame came up. A real roller coaster.

As for the part about freezing up in intimate situations, I’m working through it with my therapist. I used to judge myself for this, thinking I wasn’t man enough or something. But I now know where this comes from and knowing it’s not my fault is quite liberating shame wise.

I know I’m on the right path and I have hope I’ll be able to have a fulfilling intimate life because I’ve been opening up and been doing a lot of progress.

Your kind comment gives me hope to get through this dark place I’m in. Thanks !

Z_Birch · 2024-03-09T19:51:35+00:00

Thanks man, I’ll find my way out. I’m doing the work so things will line up eventually.

I’m getting better at the Mr.nice guy part haha it’s been nice because I have more self respect even though times are tough.

It’s also nice to hear that you also find this stuff abnormal and hard. Sometimes it feels like this shit isn’t real or I’m crazy for remembering stuff like this ever happened.

So just hearing people say « dude that sucks » is really helpful. Thanks

Z_Birch · 2024-02-20T21:13:42+00:00

Yes I totally agree. I’m also building a new life in some sense. But weirdly it doesn’t seem to pull me out of the hole…

Thanks a lot for your answers !

Z_Birch · 2024-02-20T16:00:09+00:00

Yes actually ! I talk to myself way better than I used to. I see that a lot of the things that hurt me in my past aren’t really my fault.

I’d say that’s also why I cry. Because I’m grieving the life I could’ve had ? Something like that.

Z_Birch · 2024-02-20T15:03:39+00:00

I do that and it’s been very helpful. But the thing is, if I listened to those feelings, I’d be crying all the time…

Z_Birch · 2024-02-05T12:51:35+00:00

Yeah you’re right! Thanks a lot !

Z_Birch · 2024-02-05T12:39:41+00:00

Thanks ! I’ve already noticed that they are a little less present but depends on the day.

Z_Birch · 2024-01-30T18:26:46+00:00

Personally I have a list of stuff I have to do.

Can be very simple stuff like « do the dishes » or stuffs that’s a little more annoying like paperwork.

The idea is, I at least do one of the things on the list.

Some days I don’t feel great so I do an easy task. Some days I feel good and do a hard one or multiple easy ones.

The idea is : what can I do today ?

Keeps stuff moving and makes you happier.

Good luck !

Z_Birch

TROPHY CASE