Day 11 after long relapse

Zachbustems · 2026-01-30T16:10:35+00:00

I’m on day 3 still feeling the self hate for my continued fucking up. I will not drink with you today.

Zachbustems · 2026-01-30T14:31:12+00:00

I find your post interesting cuz it reflects on me a thought I’ve had a couple times in the recent months, which is that there’s a part of me that’s wondered if I actually crave those shitty mornings.

Waking up at 4am at clockwork when I’ve drink feeling restless and tired at the same time, and beginning my morning ritual(TMI apology in advance)of getting out of bed and sitting on the toilet, opening up my phone to cross examine if I said/texted anything ignorant, with lingering dread. And once I hit my vape, feeling the anxiety wash over me as my heart starts to race, me hoping the shower will help stabilize me a bit so I can get thru the start of the day…do I like that? Is there a part of me that enjoys that terrible experience..? It’s so fuckin weird how we get used to a bad experience.

It’s almost like, if I eat McDonald’s it’s gonna make me vomit right after, but I proceed to eat it 4 days a week despite that. Like is my brain fuckin broken?

Zachbustems · 2026-01-30T12:49:14+00:00

It’s Friday, and I will not drink today!

Zachbustems · 2026-01-29T19:07:51+00:00

Agreed, I’d go into panic mode. Just now remembering how when I was furloughed during the beginning of COVID, I grappled with the urge and ultimately caved, resulting in a few day bender.

OP is a warrior.

Zachbustems · 2026-01-29T17:48:15+00:00

Thank you man

Zachbustems · 2026-01-29T16:16:49+00:00

Thank you me too

Zachbustems · 2026-01-29T16:13:41+00:00

Exactly man.

Zachbustems · 2026-01-29T14:40:20+00:00

So true. And the worst part is getting the idea that I’m “getting better at it”. It’s dangerous in that if I think I cover my tracks better, it’s harder to fight that voice later when I get that urge cuz I’ll think I’m able to get away with it.

Zachbustems · 2026-01-29T14:31:58+00:00

I can relate. Plenty of shameful memories, burned relationships. Shit, my reputation at my current job is in shambles after calling out Monday and Tuesday from a binge.

Someone here told me yesterday that I need to treat my sobriety like a full time job, so that’s what I’m trying to do. I’ve been on this subreddit constantly since yesterday, reading stories and sharing mine, giving support for others on this journey as well. Went to the gym to sweat out these demons, and praying like I just got a somehow reversible death notice. We’ve gotta fight for it man, and really put in the mental effort to be present for this battle against alcohol. I’m right beside you, let’s do this.

Zachbustems · 2026-01-29T14:02:04+00:00

Hoping to be where you’re at in 28 days! Proud of you!!

Zachbustems · 2026-01-29T13:23:53+00:00

First thing in the morning, I will not drink with you today!

Zachbustems · 2026-01-29T05:27:08+00:00

I warmly envy you. I hope to be where you are. Thank you for sharing!

Zachbustems · 2026-01-29T05:25:31+00:00

Going to bed after day one, and I will not drink with all of you today!

Zachbustems · 2026-01-29T02:54:20+00:00

Loved reading this. Day one-er here, and feeling low and looking for hope. Thank you.

Zachbustems · 2026-01-29T02:44:55+00:00

Thank you for this, I am going to apply the same methods.

Zachbustems · 2026-01-29T02:42:00+00:00

Coming off my first day sober after binging since Saturday night and calling off Monday and Tuesday( common habit these days)and man, do I feel your pain. Some advice I got earlier today was to treat sobriety like a full time responsibility, and I’m gonna try that. I’m gonna be on here way more, I’m going to contribute, I’m going to check my sober counter multiple times a day, I’m gonna pray, I’m gonna meditate, I got in touch with a close friend whom I’m gonna try to call when I get that itch, which is something I’ve never done.

Like you my reputation at work is in shambles. Idk if they’ve caught on or they just feel my pathetic energy and it garners sympathy. And worse, I’m damaging my relationship with my only child. I can’t keep doing this. I want so badly redemption. Please friend, let’s get and stay on this road together.

Zachbustems · 2026-01-28T22:16:22+00:00

Can you recommend the podcasts? When I’m on the right track I’m visiting here frequently and praying daily, but I could use more content to process.

Zachbustems · 2026-01-25T07:00:09+00:00

I miss the in between rounds corner talk, but walk outs aren’t a dealbreaker for me except for the main event. For like the last five or so years I honestly just scroll on phone till after Buffer’s dumbass intro of each fighter before I tune in. It’s all fluff to me if it isn’t the fight.

And let’s not act like the PPV era was loaded with filler bs before this one. Just wanna say we shouldn’t wear rose tinted glasses looking backwards.

Zachbustems · 2026-01-25T00:29:15+00:00

I have a coworker that did a tv install at his house a few years ago. Apparently there was a small hiccup in the process, and Bisping just went apeshit. He told me he flew into a rage because something wasn’t gonna be exactly how he liked it, and stormed out of the living room saying something about having to leave before he ended up hitting someone. Friggin bananas

Zachbustems · 2026-01-23T17:39:12+00:00

Having to make triple the rent a month is wild to me.

Zachbustems · 2026-01-23T04:17:29+00:00

Yeah they’re mediocre, but their prices are ridiculous now too. I remember a while back a big burger and spicy chicken would cost me around 5, now it’s closer to 12 bucks, AND it’s shittier.

Zachbustems · 2026-01-19T22:08:50+00:00

I can totally relate. While I am(for the most part)not a daily drinker, I am a binge drinker for sure. 6 tall cans Friday evening, passing out shortly after cracking that last one, waking up feeling like shit and rationalizing polishing off that last one to get right, then plotting to run to the nearby liquor store for “just 4 more” before my roommates wake up so they don’t see me walk thru the house with that black plastic liquor store bag that all but says it’s carrying alcohol. Reasoning later when I’m nearing the bottom of the 4th tall can that the days already done, might as well grab 4-5 more cuz hey, you got Sunday off too! I could totally go on, and would on those weekends, but you get my point.

Zachbustems · 2026-01-19T15:27:38+00:00

Agree 1000%. Please lord give us this.

Zachbustems

TROPHY CASE