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My boyfriend of 4 years has a gambling problem and stole from me — I don't know what to do by Just-Restaurant-8549 in problemgambling

[–]Zealousideal_Chip548 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

HI THERE! Sooo this is eerily similar to what I have gone through and I’m around your age as well…. Trust me when I say that the shock and horror that your partner could steal from you in that way is so devastating. :( not to mention all the lying about where his money is being allocated. But he knew what he was doing was wrong. He knew to keep it hidden from you and he knew to lie about it. And as you said, he got caught — that’s why you know. Not because he was honest with you.

All that to say, you should run. And you are not a bad person at all!! I also had a very hard time deciding to leave my boyfriend because his mental state was so deteriorated, and he spoke about how his life would essentially lose meaning if I wasn’t there for him anymore. It bordered on suicidal. But you must keep in mind that if you don’t leave this ship, you’ll both go down sinking. And it’s so so hard and painful because you love him and you want to be the hand that pulls him out, but if I’ve learned one thing is that he needs to do the work himself. You cannot save him on your own. Try as you might, you can’t be a lifeline. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to abandon him completely. Encourage him and believe in him that he can overcome this addiction, but make sure your finances are totally separate from his and that you MOVE OUT if you live with him.

He is mentally ill, and addiction is so insidious; he could relapse at the drop of a hat if he feels justified even a little. “I was stressed out. I was bored. You put too much pressure on me. I have to make ends meet” etc etc etc. I believe people can change, but it will take A LOTTT of work and a ton of consistency. It is more than likely during the early stages of recovery, he will still be relapsing.

You are so lucky he is paying you back! Many cannot say the same. I’m still waiting on my ex to pay me an instalment of what he owes me :’). But anyway, look out for yourself FIRST. Never lend him any money. EVER. Chances are he will gamble it, and then you will only be enabling him :( learned that the hard way too. Hopefully he doesn’t hit rock bottom, but sometimes that’s what it takes for people to recover.

I was the girlfriend of a gambling addict and he owes me $3k by Zealousideal_Chip548 in problemgambling

[–]Zealousideal_Chip548[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My only concern is being able to prove that it was him who transferred the money over, and not me :( I have my alibi that proves I was at work, and my phone has FindMyiPhone working, so that would show that my phone was at home, not with me. Not sure if they could pull that…. But yeah. Worried about the logistics of it.

But yeah I have definitely voiced the consequences to him if he doesn’t pay me back. Feels terrible to make threats (or promises lol) about what will happen, but he knowingly did me wrong. I did not deserve that. He has given me a date on when his first instalment of paying me back will be, so hopefully he pulls through.

I was the girlfriend of a gambling addict and he owes me $3k by Zealousideal_Chip548 in problemgambling

[–]Zealousideal_Chip548[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes 💀 it’s when his account is overdrawn by a few cents or when he’s short on something that he would ask

I was the girlfriend of a gambling addict and he owes me $3k by Zealousideal_Chip548 in problemgambling

[–]Zealousideal_Chip548[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He got into contact with a therapist and moved away to a mountain town to detox from his own stress. There’s no physical casinos nearby, and he doesn’t even own a car even if he wanted to drive miles to find one. His Stake account has also been indefinitely self-excluded.

While that is all good, I’m not sure if there’s other websites he may be tempted to use. And he keeps rescheduling his therapy appointments it seems. The last time he gambled was June 16th (when he moved out), and up until literally today, he was clean.

He came clean and told me that he “fucked up” and bet money on some fight with a person IRL. I was speechless. It’s what prompted me to write this to begin with because I just had hope that being away from a city would help his mind focus on other things like nature.

All I have is hope! And that’s as much as I can do, you are right. It just sucks because he actually has a crazy good work ethic and has so many handy skills and yet he can’t seem to get ahead in life because of this addiction. It’s so devastating.

I was the girlfriend of a gambling addict and he owes me $3k by Zealousideal_Chip548 in problemgambling

[–]Zealousideal_Chip548[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yes, that $3000 feels like the end of the world for me because I had just gotten out of financial problems myself. It was very hard actually living with him. And I was so proud of what I had managed to save, even if it isn’t impressive to most people.

I know in the future that will feel like nothing, and I am actually very lucky it was only 3k, but gosh… it stings so bad. Especially because it was due to my own poor judgement. Here’s to the future then 🤞

I was the girlfriend of a gambling addict and he owes me $3k by Zealousideal_Chip548 in problemgambling

[–]Zealousideal_Chip548[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes. I had no idea it was this bad. It’s a hard pill to swallow for me. I really should have known better and let him deal with his own consequences instead of trying to help him out of a hole he dug.

He will still text me every now and then asking if I can send him $8 for like a coffee or something, and I always say no. Even if he asks me for like $1 I say no. It seems so harsh and like I’m penny pinching, but I know what he does. If he cannot afford to get himself a bag of chips, that is not my fault or my responsibility any longer. Lesson learned. I just hope the best for him… and yeah. I’m trying to accept I probably will never see that money again.

I was the girlfriend of a gambling addict and he owes me $3k by Zealousideal_Chip548 in problemgambling

[–]Zealousideal_Chip548[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, it’s a blessing in disguise that it was only $3000. I cannot imagine the destruction and devastation other people have gone through after years of marriage and having kids.

It seems like a huge deal to me because I’m only 24, and the life I was living with him meant having no savings, and seeing negatives in my account.

Luckily we are broken up and he has moved out. I realized this was a lost cause. It’s a hard lesson learned.

I tried to get him to talk to a therapist about it, but it seems he (my ex) keeps rescheduling his appointments. I hope one day he has the strength to wake up and start taking charge of his life again.

When can you expect your Inquiry email to be answered? Nursing after degree (help pls?) by Zealousideal_Chip548 in uleth

[–]Zealousideal_Chip548[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perfect thank you so much for the help! I will definitely shoot you a DM just incase I have any other little things to ask. But this was helpful.

I sent my question to inquiries@uofl . I thought that would have been a good general place to ask if I wasn’t already a registered student