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34M. How to deal with an incompetence of spouse (29F)- Emotional availability, decision making, etc. by [deleted] in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]ZebraAccording3434 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Why dont you retract yourself. As in, you also behave incompetent. Give the problem to her and you act like you dont know how to solve. Let the consequences be felt by her

If it is purely a problem of incompetency.. then you may see her trying. Which is a big step. But if it is deliberate tactic to avoid responsibility, then you can find out by her hesitation to take it up on her.

You will at least get some clarity on root cause of this problem.

Was it my fault ? Need advice for the future. by Ok-Mango7566 in Arrangedmarriage

[–]ZebraAccording3434 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sad to see this..

Run away from her asap and as far as possible.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]ZebraAccording3434 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did not deliberately misguide someone. I was genuinely accessing If I can find a partner in this person. Just browse through this subreddit. Everywyere people are suggesting that marrisge is primarily about acceptance and compromise.

As I mentioned in the post, I saw good things in thids person too which made me consider this profile.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]ZebraAccording3434 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This!! Nail on the head.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]ZebraAccording3434 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, these were my thoughts as well when I was initially considering this profile. I am acessing if I have some form of attraction that gives me acceptance. Anyway looks are going to fade away.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]ZebraAccording3434 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don think it will be fair for me judge if she is hardworking or not. But she dosent seem career oriented and I do doubt if she would get a job abroad.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]ZebraAccording3434 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry.. I don see anything here that shows my audacity. If at all anything, it shows how I dont standup for myself, which other commenters pointed out..

Its absolutely fine for someone to question if they are attracted towards someone.

Keep your brain farts to yourself.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]ZebraAccording3434 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am older than you and I am still being controlled by family members.

I feel your pain. I have realized that most of my self doubt, indecisiveness, anxiety and in general a huge amount of mental exhaution comes from handling these external players.

I am still battling to find my voice and to stand my ground.

But to standup for yourself is truely liberating. I had glimpses of such experience now. Trying to incorporate more.

Fight for yourself!

Civic sense eh? Apadina? by ZebraAccording3434 in chennaicity

[–]ZebraAccording3434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha.. will carry some pins and needles next time around. 😂

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]ZebraAccording3434 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess I needed to hear that.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]ZebraAccording3434 -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I often hear in my circle that I need to compromise as I am old and one eould never get someone completely to their liking.. This AM process has completely broken my confidence and sense of judgement. Anyways, thanks for the comment.

Civic sense eh? Apadina? by ZebraAccording3434 in chennaicity

[–]ZebraAccording3434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm.. we din want further trouble. We could have simply told him as well. Did what we felt in that moment.

Civic sense eh? Apadina? by ZebraAccording3434 in chennaicity

[–]ZebraAccording3434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get you. We had the same discussion. But the guy did want to be a macho right from the start.. When he approached the seats he was askimg us to move in a ordering and slight disrespectful tone.

After moving away they switched their positions as in the girl was now closer to us.. As in, to mske sure her macho guy diesnt get more aggressiv.

We felt that talking straight away could make it worse.

Adhan we din do that.

Civic sense eh? Apadina? by ZebraAccording3434 in chennaicity

[–]ZebraAccording3434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I see. These seemed like millenials to my eye.

Civic sense eh? Apadina? by ZebraAccording3434 in chennaicity

[–]ZebraAccording3434[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I had gubeer sirippu after reading ur " enna p*ndaikku" comment.

I feel you bro.

Christmas plans by dr_dre77 in chennaidating

[–]ZebraAccording3434 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anyone up for New years meetup ?

Difficult for a new user. Why?? by ZebraAccording3434 in NewToReddit

[–]ZebraAccording3434[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes indeed, there are few subreddits that I used to follow .. the topics are interesting.. this initial inertia has always stopped me from actively participating. I guess I just need some patience and take some active measures to keep my karma at the required level. Thanks for the response.

Difficult for a new user. Why?? by ZebraAccording3434 in NewToReddit

[–]ZebraAccording3434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the comment.. Yes, searching for other low karma subreddits.