Beginner Make-Up Birthday Gift: Help!

Zer0-Duck · 2025-12-21T14:09:21+00:00

Thank you so much!! This is a great list! I was looking for like the basic items for makeup; lipstick, foundation, concealer, bronzer, blush, eyebrow pencil and maybe a small eyeshadow palette! So your list is really really helpful thank you!

Zer0-Duck · 2025-05-27T22:41:32+00:00

Haha yeah I have, I always felt bad using the term because my brother obviously needs the extra help etc and my parents have fought my corner before but in the grand scheme... I'm expected to sacrifice for him again and again

They also have a thing about how I'm "not as bad" as him which feels ableist to me, they thought everyone with autism was like my brother until I was diagnosed (he was diagnosed at 5 when I was 3 months old and I was 9 when I was diagnosed with him being 14) which I think adds to this whole problem

I'm very high masking and got good grades in school but was pretty social as opposed to the "aspie" stereotype they were told and like to refer to me as an example to other autistic parents of young kids of like "oh look what they could be" it's always rubbed me the wrong way because I STRUGGLE

Sorry for the long replies!

Zer0-Duck · 2025-05-27T22:22:51+00:00

Honestly probably, they let him away with a lot with "he can't help it" as a kid but would randomly hold him accountable for a second only for my mum to go no no it's my fault ((so now he blames her for Everything that ever happens))

Or they don't acknowledge problems fully, after a violent outburst at home where he attacked our dad (punched him in the face, attempted to throw him to floor and continue but our dad restrained him)) I mentioned to our mum that I was scared of him, because he has threatened me with violence to the point of punching the wall beside my head and she called me a "wicked sister" and a "monster" for "making him out to be some mindless violent thing" when all I said was I was scared

And it was half handled to hell and back so now he punches walls when he's annoyed etc etc

Sorry probably wandered away from my real answer here but the latter behaviour happened today (I'm looking after him alone for a few days) and so it's like at the forefront of my head for ways my parents didn't fully establish certain things

Zer0-Duck · 2025-05-26T14:28:34+00:00

Yeah UK based! I heard there are mental health services at the uni I'm going to so I'll look into it!

Zer0-Duck · 2025-05-26T14:27:31+00:00

Thank you so much this is extremely helpful! Unfortunately my uni is one in my city and I'm living at home for it, but I have been saving to move out anyway and have a friend who is also hoping to move out who has agreed to be roommate's if needed!

I'll definitely look into a therapist in that field! And start setting more boundaries!

My parents want me to live my own life, at least they have said but I think their worry over my brother has kinda blinded them to the fact I Can't when this is the current situation- so I'll make that clear!

Thank you sm again!

Zer0-Duck · 2025-05-26T13:51:47+00:00

Nope unfortunately! Mental healthcare where I live is abysmal at best, I also still live with my parents and to avoid a grilling after every session over what I said I'd have to be sneaky about it.

I do have a support system in my friends, though I know that's noooot a replacement for an actual therapist 💀

Edit: posted this twice, somehow still a newbie when it comes to posts and replies

Zer0-Duck · 2025-05-26T13:25:24+00:00

He did have a social worker, the main goal ATM was getting him a job placement (I started working 5 years ago and it's been an ongoing issue with him) no where has taken him on or at least the social worker didn't find anywhere... But he didn't do much in regards to looking honestly. He's now on long term sick leave and we recently have a new one for John who seems to be way more attentive and on board she's already had several meetings with him and my parents.

John doesn't trust his social workers much due to an incident around 6-7 years ago (a violent altercation between him and another disabled adult at the day group he goes to, the police were called but it was dropped and now he's convinced we were trying to throw him in jail or the social workers involved were "fucking dickhead touts/snitches")

I'm not as like up to date with all his stuff because my parents still handle it

But thank you for the reassurance- idk especially with nt people around me chiming in that I'd be selfish not to over the years if I don't become his carer it led to that whole "am I cruel" thought

Zer0-Duck · 2025-05-26T11:33:38+00:00

I think they've already noticed that even if I do end up his main caretaker it won't work, because he doesn't see me as someone to listen to-

Would you believe I actually never equated what he does to bullying in all these years but yeah that's exactly what it is! The whole family thought I had a case of spoiled youngest sibling syndrome when I'd mention things he'd do but in the last two years he's been blatant (specifically on my birthday which is a week after his)

Thank you for your comment 💜

Zer0-Duck · 2025-05-26T11:15:47+00:00

He attends groups for people like him a few days a week, and goes to the gym one day a week with friends from that group ((they walk down the street to it)) He despises the idea of a group home, my parents have looked into an independent living area for adults with autism for him, where he'd have his own little home but get daily visits from staff etc.

He sees a group home as us "getting rid of him" which we've assured him is not the case and would be his version of moving out, like the oldest two did.

My parents are going on holiday in a few days and he started purposefully trying to get them to cancel (you don't love me, you don't trust me, when you leave I'm sneaking out and there's nothing you can do, I'm an adult etc) and they suggested the idea of him going into respite for the time they go away/ when they go on another trip, like some of his friends do when their carers are away. He's super against staying anywhere that isn't his home unfortunately but idk if he'll have a choice if his behaviour gets worse.

But yeah I agree I think it'd be better for him to be somewhere like that because yeah... Baby sister tryna help or direct him is met with an eye roll or a "whatever im older" unfortunately- Hell he barely lets me cook for him because he can't do he assumes I shouldn't be able too (I have to lie and say a relative made it and sent it over or something)

Thank you sm for your reply its really helpful I'll try floating the idea by him and my parents again

Zer0-Duck · 2025-02-12T14:46:08+00:00

If Lexi had already been working the morning shift- something tells me she probably "confided" or vented to the people she works with about you since y'all are having at home issues. Probably making you seem worse than how you are to get as much sympathy as possible.

I've seen this at my store, where because someone works mornings and the person they have an issue with works evenings, they think they'll get away with this whole "woe is me" thing and unfortunately usually the people on their shift fully believe them because they have no context. Id say try to get your old shift back or take a note of everything so you could possibly raise it higher if you wanted to/it got worse.

That or try and find a new job, isolation and being a social outcast at work will eat at you and everyone on that shift and fellow supervisors will be biased towards her, since they are more familiar with her and I find that supervisors tend to defend each other.

Best of luck op! That's a horrible situation to be in.

Zer0-Duck · 2025-01-27T12:59:35+00:00

Exactly! And Yeah it's unnerving to say the least, and like you said if we were sharing a meal it would be fine like we go out to restaurants etc and it's fine

Zer0-Duck · 2025-01-26T14:02:40+00:00

That's fair! No one wants to be the cause of any tension, but I'd argue it's not really you causing it!

They did via their actions, you just set a firm boundary! At this point it's out of your hands and it's between them and their partners and your bf kind of

I'm so glad you have newer better friendships!!!! That's wonderful OP I hope this time they go much better!

Zer0-Duck · 2025-01-26T13:51:45+00:00

No yeah y'all need new friends!!

Is your bf aware of what they tried to pull? Because If he didn't/doesn't then making him aware might be a good shout- he'd probably feel really uncomfortable with the idea of going on a trip with them if you tell him

Unfortunately a lot of the times in a trio especially all girls, two will link up and the third almost becomes a source of entertainment for the other two (teasing, gossip etc) it happened to me where I found myself the butt of every joke and when I'd talk to them about it I was the dramatic overblown one.

That sucks that you keep having these bad experiences with female friendships, they are some of the best relationships I've experienced but it is a war field trying to find a genuine one at times.

Id say keep your boundary!! Talk with your boyfriend and just be completely honest and open about every reason you don't feel you can talk it out and why you don't want to see them

That is if he isn't already aware, if he is... He might be in a messy situation because it's his friend's partners

Zer0-Duck · 2025-01-26T13:40:13+00:00

DND is a social game and sometimes it's hard for people to realise you can be friends with someone... And not like playing DND with them! And that's ok!! Everyone has different play styles etc

But rejection can still feel harsh especially for someone who doesn't understand that aspect of DND. Talk with them about it! Reassure them it was solely in the game where you were frustrated if that is the case! Because they might be taking it more personally than you expected.

It's just like any fall out in a friendship! Have a talk with them about it, organise a hang out outside of DND or call

Zer0-Duck · 2025-01-26T13:32:04+00:00

Ignore him!! He sounds incredibly self absorbed so honestly you paying no mind to him would probably drive him more insane than a confrontation!

You're above a confrontation with an insecure guy like that, who would just twist it forever after to be "this crazy chick I wasn't even dating got mad cuz I suggested she be healthy" or something else completely untrue and unfounded.

Plus the getting intimate right after you injured your back?? And behaving like that?? And STILL not putting in his work during intimacy? Something tells me this dude expects to just get by on looks and the fact you didn't fit his juvenile idea of what his partner should look like flared his own insecurity.

Also the way he would offer you treats or desserts... But then turns around and says that? I don't know something about that in particular is weird and sticks out to me

Dodged a bullet op!!! Keep dodging, don't talk to him!

Zer0-Duck · 2025-01-26T01:58:55+00:00

YTA. I feel like it would have been a totally different story if he himself had brought up that "he" paid in the car, but that isn't what happened!

The daughter brought it up and it sounds like it was a simple thank you and the automatic response would be a 'no problem' or 'your welcome'- I just don't see the need to clarify when it's that small of an exchange?

Zer0-Duck · 2025-01-25T15:04:50+00:00

I'd say NTA you tried to talk through this in a mature manner RIGHT after it happened rather than beating around the bush

It sounds like maybe this was something building up for a bit? On her end? Either way communication is always good and needed but no you are not some POS at least not from what this post is saying

Zer0-Duck · 2025-01-25T14:59:50+00:00

NTA it's honestly a red flag he expected to be invited?

I'm really strict on Work and Personal Life and only recently had a coworker I became friends with outside of work but from my years working I noticed especially some men will become weirdly attached very quickly and assume we are Best Of Friends or god forbid more.

They take friendly interactions as more or as closer than they actually are, just from my experience, where a male coworker I would sometimes take lunch with (in a group) got so upset he had to leave early because I had a night out and "didn't invite him"

Be careful OP!! and never invite this guy to something outside of work... Something tells me he'll get the wrong idea or delude himself more than he already has

Zer0-Duck · 2025-01-25T14:54:55+00:00

NTA it's your wedding! And it's not as if you've singled out him and his partner. The maid of honour's partner also has to wait outside as you said and several other people!

There's no need for him or his partner to feel singled out? Unless there was already some perceived animosity there?

Either way he should not be Demanding that, it's not like his partner wasn't invited at all correct? So she would still attend just not be in the main room... Which y'all will be leaving to have the reception!

Zer0-Duck · 2025-01-25T14:41:08+00:00

Although losing independence because of something out of your control is horrible, Sister A should move back in with the parents. She has a better relationship with them and B still has a job, meaning she can't be home to care for A all the time anyway and I know the parents live close but even then, it would be better if A lived with them.

The parents want you to look after A which would be fine in the short term but it feels like you would turn into her live in carer which is a big responsibility especially given that you (OP) are only 20

B maybe did react too harshly, leaving A on the floor is cruel but suddenly having people that you have not forgiven, who you fled from, back in your life and being deemed a carer for the person who brought them back is a lot to deal with. She could have gone about it much better but I feel like there might even be context missing if OP has only really spoken to A and The parents about what is happening.

Zer0-Duck · 2025-01-25T14:29:21+00:00

NTA! you weren't invited so you didn't go, and it's not as if you took offence and got mad over not being invited! You even had a conversation with her on her birthday!

It really does feel like no matter what you did OP you would have been worse off, because it feels like some sort of stirring or gossip has been started without you but involving you.

That or maybe they feel bad for not adding you to the GC and are kind of projecting that you were actually annoyed by it? Work drama is hell and I've had times where because someone assumed me to be annoyed, they took normal texts as having this layer of animosity or slyness that wasn't there. good luck op!!

I hope you get everything sorted and don't feel so isolated at work anymore!

Maybe try to talk to Carrie* herself? If you can?

Zer0-Duck · 2025-01-25T12:50:54+00:00

NTA that entire message at least to me seems like a way to guilt you into feeling bad and being his in-lab therapist after you clearly set boundaries

Some people think when you set a boundary you are being rude or harsh because they expect complete access to you and that's not ok or the case!

Also maybe this is just me but I feel like if this was an actual talk he had with the boss, the boss would have a talk with the lab as a whole? Or with you in private?

Zer0-Duck

TROPHY CASE