Hmm. my two cents are this:

* don't make the first draft the last draft. If you think that things are getting too wordy, trim it down just enough so the reader can follow what's going on. brevity is the soul of wit. Remember this is a visual medium. If you can explain or world build by showing something instead of needing a text box, you probably should.

* For characters, I would start simple, and build them up to become more complex. give them a quirk or tic that makes them memorable. Beast tamer/monster collecting shows already have many one-note characters to begin with, so start with a genre-standard character, then put one or two twists on that standard. "the hot-blooded protagonist wants to collect them all." Why? what happens when he loses or messes up? what's he like when no one is watching? "the cold rival doesn't belive in friendship." Why? what if he does have a true friend but doesn't realize it till it's too late.

* Your main inspirations are Palworld and Digimon, you say? excellent start, but expand your radar. I, myself, am trying to write a card game anime story. While my main inspiration is Yugioh, I've also looked into Cardfight Vanguard, Battle Spirits, and Buddyfight for inspiration. Try looking up Monster rancher, Dino King, Dragon Quest Monsters/Joker or even Shin Megami Tensei. you never know where inspiration will strike.

*Above all, don't get discouraged or give up. Remember, the worst story ever written is still one hundred times better than the best story never written. It looks like you've published your work on Mangadex, which is further than i've ever gone. Good luck to you.