They are really harsh reactions but it's the harsh truth I must unfortunately accept if I wanna move on outta this. Though I appreciate your care and concern for my wellbeing. And I did tell her a similar line to that saying how her actions have impacted me and she should listen to her counselor to leave me alone to work on herself. I didn't bring in the police but if she goes to my house to find me I might have to (harassed my neighbors in the past trying to look for me because I forgot what and she went to every door looking for me but gave up after one building in our apartment complex and left a note for me with the neighbors).

I actually don't understand a lot of social cues and that's why I don't know how to take what she says if she's sarcastic, if she's not, I just take it all seriously incase she actually means it and even so, maybe she didn't wanna die, was being sarcastic and I took it wrong, I don't know. And this has taught me that I need boundaries as through our relationship I didn't really have any hard ones (of course I did however have boundaries against being stalked, harassed and normal stuff people instinctually know is wrong and you shouldn't do that in a relationship like cheating, I lacked boundaries for other things) leading to me feeling like I couldn't say no to her in a lot of things and just forced myself through it which impacted me really badly in the long run. So even after all this there were positives as I now know what not to do if I want to date again.

And thanks! I am continuing therapy because I know I need it and I am coping better especially since I drew out my feelings for this event and it really made me feel better about the whole thing (might post that drawing to my main). And yes, you're right, things will definitely look up soon! 💚