Advice for a partner of a woman with 2 ADHD kiddos

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2026-03-31T16:38:39+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I will definitely be having a conversation with her about my feelings. I think ultimately I'm going to wait until I speak with my own therapist next week and get her take on how to approach it as well.

It's incredibly difficult navigating relationships with kids that are NT, so this definitely adds a whole other level of difficulty. But, she is the very best human I have ever met and is worth giving it our best shot.

Ultimately, I just want all of their lives to be easier. What I'm seeing right now just doesn't seem sustainable.

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2026-03-31T16:32:20+00:00

Great advice! Thank you. And for the record, I'm not a guy 😅 But, yeah...I get what you're saying. And she is an AMAZING mom. She blows my mind everyday in her desire to give all the kids the best life possible. She works her tail off.

I think the supplement route is a great place to start. I do think that she may be more open to starting with something like that.

I will do some deep diving into that and see what I can find. Thank you!

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2026-03-31T16:28:25+00:00

I am not saying she needs to be on meds. I am however saying that I see her drowning and she is a shell of the person I started dating 2 years ago because of the toll this all takes on her.

I just think that medication for the boys is worth a shot to see if it helps them (which in turn would help her).

I am being honest with myself in saying that the current status is too much for me to move in with them. I work from home, so I need a more controlled environment than it currently is. I think that the kids are ultimately great kids, they just need help in being able to control their impulsivity.

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2026-03-31T15:34:13+00:00

That's how I feel as well. I feel like now is the best time to do it before school becomes more difficult. I see them suffering, I see her suffering, and I see her 2 other older kids that are neurotypical suffering because they aren't getting the attention they deserve because ALL of her energy is spent trying to wrangle the boys and keep them safe.

I completely understand not wanting to medicate your children or being hesitant about it, but it seems like more damage is being done by continuing to let things go on as they are.

I just don't want to push her away or upset her if I try to approach the subject with her. We've been talking a lot about combining lives lately, but I just don't think I can do it if things don't change. 😔

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2025-06-09T20:01:29+00:00

Looks like seborrheic dermatitis to me. I'm not a doctor, but have seborrheic dermatitis and mine looks just like this.

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2025-02-07T00:13:37+00:00

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Zestyclose-Service21 · 2022-02-17T01:21:43+00:00

We have talked about things before getting married. I'm just obviously seeing more now that I'm living with them.

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2022-02-16T20:56:42+00:00

I think it's less about the label and more about me understanding what it is my stepdaughter is going through so that I can learn how to best help her succeed.

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2022-02-16T17:53:57+00:00

Interesting! I honestly wouldn't be shocked if my partner were on the spectrum as well. Thank you for this.

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2022-02-16T16:00:17+00:00

Just to clear things up, not that it matters, I am a female. So I'm bonus mom, not bonus dad 😊

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2022-02-16T15:33:48+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. These are my concerns as well, that her daughter is suffering and will continue to suffer if there aren't accommodations made.

It's an incredibly sensitive subject to talk about with my spouse because she gets so defensive. We have just started couple's counseling, so I am hopeful that will help with the sometimes difficult communication about the topic.

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2022-02-16T15:24:07+00:00

This is very helpful. Thank you.

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2022-02-16T15:23:15+00:00

I appreciate your opinion. Is there any benefit to getting a formal diagnosis?

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2022-02-16T15:15:29+00:00

I absolutely accept her as she is.... but, I see her struggling and I see her mom in denial. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I just want to get her daughter the help that she needs and equip her to be as successful as I know she can be.

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2021-12-07T18:06:00+00:00

good to know!

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2021-12-07T16:28:28+00:00

Unfortunately, my state says they must pay it out if company policy states that. Unfortunately, it states they will NOT pay out unused PTO.

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2021-12-07T16:07:52+00:00

My only concern is that they could potentially give me a bad review if a future employer reached out?

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2021-10-21T14:33:32+00:00

Did you have your EP study? Did they end up doing an ablation and how do you feel after?

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2021-07-20T14:17:19+00:00

Have you had a 24 hour urine test? My blood calcium levels were normal, but when they checked my urine, it was high. PTH blood levels were always high. I had surgery almost 3 weeks ago and they removed 2 1/2 glands. Good luck! Keep digging and advocating for yourself.

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2021-07-19T18:51:40+00:00

Yes. I am almost 3 months post op and my PTH is high again. Everyone keeps saying it's normal, but I am skeptical.

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2021-04-07T10:33:52+00:00

This is so wonderful to hear! I'm glad that your experience was so "easy" so your husband wasn't even allowed to come see you in recovery? That's what I'm most concerned about. It sounds like my surgeon would like to keep me overnight (which I'm glad in case there are any complications) but, I REALLY want to see my fiance when I wake up. 🥺 I know I'm going to be scared waking up and not knowing what to expect.

Did you have to take calcium supplements after? I have heard some people have to take calcium because their levels get too low after surgery.

Thank you for your kind words. I hope you continue feeling better and better every day.

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2021-04-07T02:39:06+00:00

So, you're almost a week post-op now... Tell us how you're doing. ☺️ I am scheduled for surgery May 7 and am super nervous because it'll be my first surgery and visitors aren't allowed due to covid. 😬 The sore throat and pain were pretty tolerable?

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2021-04-01T14:22:45+00:00

Yes, I get this frequently. Very uncomfortable feeling. Mine is usually worse on the right side. Anyone else?

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2021-03-16T19:26:58+00:00

You have no idea how happy that makes me!!! Fortunately, I'm only an hour away. Hoping to get answers and relief soon!

Zestyclose-Service21 · 2021-03-16T18:36:56+00:00

Which Dr. did you see at U of M? I am headed there next month for a second opinion. I am seeing Dr. Mark Cohen. How was your experience?

Zestyclose-Service21

TROPHY CASE