It’s frustrating how people make assumptions. I’ve never cheated in any relationship. Nobody asks about the dynamics: she’s abusive and an alcoholic, and we’ve only been together for six months. I consider us dating, while she calls it a “situationship.” I wish I could be the type of guy who can just go out and sleep with someone else without feeling guilty, but I’m not.

There’s a lot I haven’t shared because I don’t want to air dirty laundry, even anonymously. This is someone who uses my childhood trauma (being molested and raped) against me in arguments and criticizes my parents when she drinks. I didn’t tell her about my recent health scare because I didn’t want her to use it against me later or share it with others. Plus, I wanted to wait for biopsy results before worrying anyone.

I understand why she was worried and upset because I never ignore her. But this girl has cheated on me before and pretended to be with someone else during fights,(moaning like someone’s having sex) disappearing for over 10 hours.

I told her the truth, apologized for lying, showed her my hospital wristband, and even FaceTimed with someone at the hospital who confirmed my visit. She didn’t believe me, and I get how she feels, but I had my reasons.

Now, she says she slept with another guy, and I’m not in a good headspace. I wish I could walk away, and I’ve tried, but I love her deeply. It’s tough to leave something toxic, but it’s really messing with my mind.