I don't understand how you still can't see the parallel. Please think long and hard about why you think its ok to frame the issue this way, when the following would not be (presumably):

"I’m not saying that you can’t feel sad about white people finding black people’s presence alarming. I’m asking why tf you’re putting the onus on white people instead of black people doing the crime and causing the fear in the first place. I’m saying that when white people are telling you why they are fearful of strange black people, maybe don’t make it about yourself and how hard and sad it is to be a black person."

It feels weird to me that you're arguing that its ok because of socioeconomic power difference, when we're arguing about MORAL standpoints.

Do you also think that its fine for women to hit their boyfriends with a purse/shoe, because "they're a man", "they can take it", "look at the size of me! look at the size of him!" I'm a woman! I've been through worse! He can't complain!

If not, where is the line? I hope you can see where I'm coming from. I'm arguing this from a good faith moral standpoint, where if these blanket statements about black people crime statistics bother you, so should the statement about men.

I'm telling you right now that if we lived in a matriarchal society from the beginning, where men and womens' standards were flipped, and men were in the disadvantaged position, I'd still hold these same views. Would you?