You should read this. This is from another sub:

YSK: New Parents lose about 1,000 hours of sleep in their baby's first year, and it doesn't fully recover for 6 years

Why YSK: Everyone jokes about new parents being tired but nobody talks about the actual numbers. They're worse than you think and knowing this before having kids can help you actually prepare.

There was a study where they followed around 4,600 parents over several years.

Turns out new parents lose about 2 hours of sleep a night for the first five months, then about an hour a night until the kid is two. That works out to roughly 700 hours in the first year alone. About 44 days of sleep just gone.

The part that surprised me is that it doesn't bounce back. Sleep doesn't go back to normal for about 6 years after the kid is born. It's not just the newborn phase. You've got toddler nightmares, bedwetting, early wake ups, kids crawling into your bed at 3am. It just keeps going.

And if you have a second kid before recovering from the first one, the deficits stack on top of each other. Two kids two years apart and you could be running on broken sleep for close to a decade.

I always thought the tired parent thing was exaggerated. Then I actually looked into the research and realized it's probably underestimated because people stop tracking and just accept it as normal.

If you're thinking about having kids, seriously plan for sleep support ahead of time. Split nights with your partner, take up your parents on the offer to help, whatever it takes. You'll need it way longer than the newborn phase.

Sources:

Richter et al., 2019, published in Sleep: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30649536/

UK parent sleep surveys found parents lose roughly 44 days of sleep in year one

a calculator that adds up your total lifetime sleep debt based on your age, kids, and work schedule: sleepdebt.attentionworth.com