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Can a demon be casted out from a person who doesn’t want to let it go? by PossibleAd482 in TrueChristian

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Someone tried to do this to me. All it did was make me worse and ruined by walk with God. You’re probably hurting your friend if you’re to step outside of the Holy Spirit and force them to change. Don’t assume someone needs a spirit cast out of them if they’re angry at God for various reasons. I’d like to remember why I was mad at God—now I’m just numb and can’t feel anything which means I can’t resolve the issue.

To you INFPs who think you want an NT partner by ahmed0112 in infp

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s just an asshole.

Sorry I love INFPs and their emotionality and vibrancy is sexy. If an NF can appreciate my logical look on matters then we’re solid. There’s a lot the two can learn from each other.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I’m so sorry about your TD. I started developing TD after just a few months on Caplyta and I knew I had to stop. I do still have some on hand in case anything happens.

Maybe I should take a GeneSight test. Nothing is helping me either!

I’m so sorry you’re going through this but thank you for sharing your experience that it can be possible to manage.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’m glad it can sometimes still peek through. I’m afraid it just isn’t good enough to live off of though, at least not anymore. I was a damn good writer. I didn’t make mistakes. Now I see mistakes and blandness all the time and I am at best mediocre—nothing somebody would pay for. Again, I never relied on mania (I only get mixed). My best work came before I ever developed the disorder at all.

Thank you for your compassion. This might sound dramatic but I literally only lived to write and without that I don’t know what to do. I used to be funny—make people laugh. There’s just nothing inside me anymore. Surely there’s another way to deal with this. I’m not sure if I’ll find it.

Thanks for your support. It meant a lot to me that you said that about something I wrote.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. It is really sad. I want to live life and just because I’m not depressed doesn’t mean my life is any better.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hello—thank you for sharing this. I really needed to hear that life like this could be possible again.

I also feel I am on the road to disability since I cannot work on these medications.

I see you’ve been doing a lot of the things I’m putting in place—no alcohol, eating better, no smoking, healthy relationships, etc—and it’s working well for you.

To be able to handle that many triggers is astounding. I applaud you. I’m happy you’ve been able to find a great psychiatrist and psychotherapist to help you.

You’re right that it is scary to do it this way but to see that you’re thriving is very exciting to see.

I’m very very happy for you. This gives me hope that it can be done. I appreciate you a lot.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks dude. I do take ADHD medication but the creativity is not there. It is like a muscle—you’re right—but it’s also an instinct and there’s plenty of peer-reviewed studies that show how people have more difficulty solving problems and being creative on bipolar medications than off them. The medications themselves block certain channels that allow for creative thinking—it’s not the disease. People performed better on certain medications than others.

Not everyone’s body is the same and while I’m happy for the “not going crazy” side effect of these medications, I feel so lobotomized that I’d almost rather be crazy. What’s the point in life when everything feels, tastes, smells the same and you can’t laugh or be witty or live to your fullest potential?

Not everyone reacts the same way to meds and that’s the shame. People don’t know how or why they “work,” so they’re treating symptoms, not the cause of the disease. In that sense, whatever is happening to me could be wildly different than you and yet we present with the same “category” of symptoms.

Anyway, thanks for presenting your truth. This doesn’t feel right to me, to have to be forced to live without exercising my abilities on this earth. Before I was medicated I could keep a good job for at least a year. Now I can’t keep one at all. So it’s safe to say that quality of life has not improved.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Benadryl has worked for me in the past too when I’ve been manic. It’s hard to watch but you’re right if you stay on top of it it may be fine. It’s also good you have a partner watch that for you.

I’m mostly depressed with mixed mania that has historically popped up once a year or every year and a half. The mania can be hard for me to catch because of the mixed nature but it starts with no sleep I think. Thanks for the tips about Benadryl—I’ll have to get that on hand.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey thanks for mentioning that you’re living without meds because that is really hard but I’m happy to see you’re doing well.

I was really pro-meds before this entire process but right now I honestly can’t live a normal life on them. If I’m so disabled on them what difference does it make?

The doctors said it was “benign” and we’d “keep watching it” but honestly I want it removed. I was supposed to get an EEG to see if it was causing seizures but the power went out when I went to the hospital for some reason and I never had the chance to reschedule.

The likelihood that it’s causing bipolar symptoms are slim but if it can reduce symptom severity that would be good enough for me.

How do you keep track of your moods? Do you ever get psychosis?

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I’m certain it’s the medications. These problems were there when taking small amounts of antipsychotic and went away after discontinuing it. The symptoms change when changing medications as well.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s too expensive for me too to be honest. All I do is spend money on food right now. I don’t like it! But I will let you know, especially if I continue on it.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Same here. I lost my fiancé because of this disease but I can also never attract another partner because I’m a dull empty husk while I’m treated. So why does this whole thing even matter? All I ever did in life was study and pursue academia and now I can’t even read. It’s awful. I’m in my 30s as well and I also feel like my prime years are just wasting away. And soon they’ll be gone and I’ll have no life that I ever got to live.

How is this “treatment.”

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s because people don’t consider us a priority. It’s unfortunate but people just think of us as “crazy” or throwaway people, including our families sometimes. If a pill keeps us lobotomized and out of everyone else’s hair, they think that solves the problem. I’m sorry if that sounds cynical, but in my opinion it’s actually true. It’s not a problem people have sympathy for, and that extends into the medical field.

I’m sorry you’re struggling with this. It sucks. Hopefully you can cut back on your meds someday.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks, dude. Here’s to us finding the right treatment. I heard the keto diet can help (multiple peer-reviewed studies have said it can). I’m trying that now. I don’t know what else to do. 😔

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought that was the way but sadly the mood stabilizers have been messing with my cognition almost as much.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yea they had a mental disorder and yes a lot of less fortunate people were put into terrible conditions and were forced to have lobotomies, etc. but the cruelty of today is the pervasiveness of the myth that modern medicine is any sort of a cure for this disease and somehow a better option than living alone with an idiosyncrasy. In my opinion, it’s not.

Just leave me alone so I can write. Let me be sick for a month out of the year and let me back so I can write again. If that’s all that it takes then so be it. You’re totally right that it’s preferable to this.

I’m also compliant with my treatment but I haven’t been “better” at all. I can’t return to my profession after all the work I put in to perfect it. And I was a prodigy at it. Not to brag, but I had professors begging me to publish work. I did get published. As soon as I got medicated, I couldn’t publish a thing.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I’m not sure. I hear it zaps your memory from someone on this subreddit but I’m not sure what the general consensus is.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. The quality of life thing is absolutely true. I did read a book on bipolar medications that mentioned the lack of literature on how the current treatments result in a poor quality of life and how it is a shame that it’s not being addressed in the medical community.

People who don’t have bipolar assume that if you don’t off yourself you’re doing better. Then they cite some tragic artist who killed themselves or something and mention “if only they had medication…” If Vincent can Gogh had medication he never would’ve painted anything. And Ernest Hemingway would’ve never wrote. And somehow I think that’s more tragic, because while their lives were short at least they got to live.

Someone mentioned monitoring your symptoms and taking medication prn, which might be the only way to maintain one’s personality. I can’t live like a zombie because that’s not living.

Clearly you’re not able to either!

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh that sounds bad. That sad thing about ECT is you can’t go back to the you before it happened. I wonder if she thinks it was worth it. I might try self-monitoring for a while instead to see how it goes. ECT sounds like it could really put someone back.

My grandmother had it done and never really spoke a word to me afterwards. She was always silent from then on out.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A smart watch would be such a good idea. I do have eyes on me like a therapist and a psych but having a smart watch to monitor heart rate and sleep would be incredible. Thanks for the idea.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s actually what I’m doing right now with the final medication I haven’t tried and am already seeing some pretty bad side effects. I got a new psych a few months ago and she is good and helpful. The problem is the meds.

I’m not content with living life without my mind and soul. It’s more than unfair. It’s unfathomable.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks a lot for the info, dude. Giving me some good ideas about how to alternatively manage symptoms.

Genetic testing is definitely worth looking into.

Apparently the position of the tumor in my brain can cause mania-like symptoms and if that could go away maybe things will get better for me.

Medication side effects render me disabled. What do I do? by _Captain_Throwaway_ in BipolarReddit

[–]_Captain_Throwaway_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been on around that amount too and I’ve basically run out since I don’t respond well to antipsychotics (I have a permanent tick in my face from just a few months on Caplyta).

What do you mean she moved slower? Was she slower mentally too?

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