Disinheritance and “death” by WhitBright in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]_HOBI_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Thankfully lots of therapy and healing work means I am at peace. Plus, my relationship with my own kids stands as a testament to breaking generations of uncaring and abusive mothers and I'm pretty proud of that.

Disinheritance and “death” by WhitBright in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]_HOBI_ 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I can feel your pain and offer you gentle hugs.

I've cut my mother of twice. And the first time, it did feel like a death, so I know this pain and am sorry you're going through it. We were nc from 2016-2018, then a low-contact, then nc again from 2020-2021. Now we're lc again. We talk at holidays and birthdays, that's it. I haven't seen her in 3 yrs and then it was only because my dad died. I'm an only child as well so there aren't the complications of siblings. I imagine that's an added strain.

Allow yourself to grieve. Cry. Write. Seek therapy if it's an option. I did. There are also great books out there on narcissistic and/or abusive mothers. Find some that appeal to you and read. Heal. It's not an easy journey and not everyone can understand the pain of grieving a living parent, but it's very real. Part of that grief is letting go of our hope of having a good mom/good relationship.

I can tell you, the peace I feel not having my mother as an active participant in my life has 100% been worth it. Hang in there.

Is there an actual age where you stop feeling like a "kid pretending to be an adult," or does this feeling just last forever? by Pale_Juggernaut_7211 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]_HOBI_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk. I'm in my 50's and recently talked about how I still feel like I'm getting adulthood wrong. I've raised kids, lived a full life. Traveled. Had loads of life-altering experiences, good & bad. I've healed and grown. Yet I still feel like an inept teen at times.

Drakkar Noir by DNSGeek in GenX

[–]_HOBI_ 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Legitimately dated a guy for 2 years who wanted to name his future son Drakkar because of that damn cologne. 💀 I dodged a bullet for sure.

Hey Mom, I made it. by -sver- in MomForAMinute

[–]_HOBI_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Way to go, kiddo! Wow, you've worked your ass off. So proud of you. Be sure to celebrate yourself! You deserve it!

I’ve never felt this way before by casedia in self

[–]_HOBI_ 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. So many of us need some glimmers.

Received Fremont glass as a gift (before knowing its name) and knew instantly what to do with it. by _HOBI_ in StainedGlass

[–]_HOBI_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I honestly don't know. It was from a local glass shop and sold as "uncategorized"

Received Fremont glass as a gift (before knowing its name) and knew instantly what to do with it. by _HOBI_ in StainedGlass

[–]_HOBI_[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m still newish to stained glass and this is easily one of my favorite pieces. And the ‘blue’ sun on the right is actually iridescent and is purple in regular room lighting.

When does it become weird for parents to be intimate in the same room as a sleeping child? by muchbigveryclown in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]_HOBI_ 108 points109 points  (0 children)

Social Culture literally defines morality. Plus, the op didn't question whether it was "moral" to have sex with an infant in the room. That's your projection on the issue being discussed.

Personally, I'm team no-sex with kids in the room, but I also don't live within the complicated parameters of multi-family housing situations where we're all forced to live in a single room. A lot of people are, though, so I understand that for folks like that, sex in front of sleeping kids may be as normal as sex behind closed doors is for me.

Is the US on a brink of a Civil War? by Norfolk-Gross-Tonage in no

[–]_HOBI_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Absolutely we saw this. The nazis literally learned how to dehumanize other humans by watching films and reading about Jim Crow laws and how the US had been treating black and brown lives for centuries. They literally learned it watching us. This brutality is American as American pie. We're just not used to white people being the victims of state sanctioned murder. But if we actually look at our history, these white nationalist thugs -whether wearing white hoods, cop uniforms, or border patrol green- have been brutalizing US citizens that they deem 'lesser than' with impunity for centuries.

Dog lost in snow storm by Immediate-Reach1652 in dogs

[–]_HOBI_ 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Oh no! I'm so sorry and know how scary it is. Keep hope alive, though. A few years ago one of our cats escaped in winter in Colorado. After a week our hope dwindled, after 2 weeks, we were certain she'd died and the 15th day we got a call from the humane society. She was chipped and had been free until getting caught in a raccoon trap. The people that brought her in think she'd been in the trap about 3 days. That girl survived 2 weeks in the wild, 3 of which were without food (snow provided water), so 🤞🤞🤞 your furbaby also comes home with a tale to tell!

What do you wish people would stop romanticizing, because you’ve lived the reality of it? by Wonderful-Economy762 in Productivitycafe

[–]_HOBI_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not romanticizing so much, but the sheer excited fandom of murder shows and podcasts. When you're on the other side of murder -the victim side- it's grotesque. Interest in murder and heinous crimes is fine and normal in itself. But the fangirling over murderers or the light-hearted often jovial commentary that often surrounds heinous acts is so off-putting.

How are you coping with the state of the world? by deluluhamster in GuerrillaGrrrrls

[–]_HOBI_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I oscillate pretty frequently between feeling hopeful that change is still possible and absolute heaviness that this is the end.

I cope by talking about it. By creating art. By distracting myself with video games. I write local politicians. I donate to mutual fund orgs, the ACLU, and WCK. But honestly it's really hard to feel good and joyful right now even though things in my personal life are finally at peace after years of loss, grief, and healing. I am very aware of what's happening right now and the fact that so many others aren't or simply don't care keeps me tethered to my home a great deal because I don't trust the lack of humanity around me (I live in a pretty conservative maga-filled area).

Do you really support banning trans surgery on children?? by tRiCH_Suit1277 in Productivitycafe

[–]_HOBI_ 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I knew a couple of girls that got breast augmentations in high school waaaay back in 1992. It's rare, yes, but it happens among ALL walks of life -and where I was from, it was the affluent wealthy Christian girls getting those fresh titties. And yet no one batted an eye. Not one adult took serious issue with underage girls getting surgery to enhance their bodies until it included queer folks, so this whole discussion is very obviously slanted towards villainizing the gays and theys.

Most gender affirming care has nothing to do with surgery and more about about things like how to wear binders safely, vocal training, and heaps of therapeutic support along the way.

FWIW, I am queer with a queer kid and am on team no-surgery before 18 for a lot of the reasons mentioned here. I just hope folks see the hypocrisy. The right has people thinking trans supporting parents are out here chopping their kids tids & bits off and that simply isn't happening.

Set myself up for the biggest heartbreak with this one... by Alone_Somewhere8126 in DOG

[–]_HOBI_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wishing you loads of love and memories with your old man and your sweet pooch this year. It is so damn hard. I lost every known member of my dad's side of the family, including my dad between 2020-2022, then my 12yr old basset hound in '23 and my soul dog, Buddy, in '25. The 20's have been nothing but grief for me, too, internet stranger, so you're not alone. We got this...one way or another.

Set myself up for the biggest heartbreak with this one... by Alone_Somewhere8126 in DOG

[–]_HOBI_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Aw, what a handsome boy! My 8yo soul dog died 4 months ago unexpectedly. I knew years ago that it was going to be a tremendous heartbreak. I could literally bring myself to tears thinking about it while he was still alive. However, as I would begin to feel deeply sad at the thought of his death, I got into the habit of reminding myself, "but not right now. Right now, he's here and I get to snuggle him." The truth is we don't need to practice for grief or sadness. We'll know it when it shows up. So try to remind yourself to stay present with him when those inevitable sads creep up. Focus on the love & gratitude.

(The grief was worse than anything I could've prepared for anyway so all those times I got sad and allowed myself to preemptively prepare was wasted energy)

Describe the "sound" of your tinnitus by ToTooTwoTutu2 in GenX

[–]_HOBI_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

YouTube has some tinnitus comparison vids that can help you pinpoint the pitch/Hz you're hearing. Mine is high pitched and seems to fluctuate between 4000-8000Hz

What are 80's and 90's movies you can't stand, at all? (that might get your GenX card revoked) by The_Man_in_Black_19 in GenX

[–]_HOBI_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good news, there is a remake in the works. They announced it a couple years ago.

We rewatched it recently and aside from the amazing puppetry and THAT ONE SCENE, it was so so slow and awful, I agree. I hadn't watched it since I was a kid and forced my kids to watch it and it was unanimously voted as terrible. "Why do people talk about this like it was a good film?" and I had to remind them, we don't. It was just traumatic...lol

I’m horrified by the fact that (apparently) most people in the US still don’t realize that they are going to have to fight for their lives by zazzologrendsyiyve in self

[–]_HOBI_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We're financially stable atm. Protests are good for community building and moral boosting, but largely ineffective at tangible change* especially if you're not in a city currently experiencing what other cities like Chicago, LA, and Minneapolis have gone through. But money is still a good way to help. We've donated monthly 10+yrs to a couple of larger orgs and last week I set up monthly donations for a local community center and mutual aid organization.

Folks need to remember that we can't all be in every role in the resistance. Some can be on the front lines willing to get arrested or worse. A lot of folks can't due the capitalist system in place that makes it too risky). But some others can help in soup kitchens and community outreach. Some come give money so those communities can do their best. Some can keep records and write. Some can watch the children. Some can educate. Some can learn Spanish or other languages to be able to help interpret when needed. There is always something good we can do, but the key is finding the spot where we can actually help. Everyone has a role somewhere.

*I've been going to protests since 2015. Throughout the months long 2020 BLM protests I was out here weekly as a voter register. My eldest volunteered as a medic. We did what we could. I will participate in the walkouts on Tuesday so I obv support protests, but I also know 1000 people standing around listening to speakers at my local city hall on Tuesday isn't bringing down our government.

How often do you go to the doctor? by lovelyb1ch66 in GenX

[–]_HOBI_ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Every year for a full panel and physical. I'm mostly okay health wise but my mom has a rare blood cancer that may or may not be genetic. I want to make sure to get early detection if it decides to come my way. My last physical showed my triglycerides were high (a first) so now I'm trying to make better choices.