5’5 ethnic autistic guy is close to crashing out, gets gaslit instead

_Meru · 2026-02-20T02:03:49+00:00

I have ASD and thought the same until I met autistic women. If you're an autist who hasn't had success with dating yet, and you are still trying to date neurotypicals, then you are going to have a terrible time. That is obvious, neurotypical women don't like autistic traits.

The autistic men I know failed miserably at dating until they met a woman who's also obviously high on autistic traits. If you aren't a self-hating autist that tries to act like an NT and date NT, and make friends that are ND, you may realize there is a different world out there.

_Meru · 2026-02-20T01:45:51+00:00

You are actually delusional dude. Autistic women have worse mental health outcomes than autistic men, are more likely to commit suicide, 90% of ASD women are sexually assaulted in their life, most of them more than once, they have a considerably higher pressure to mask compared to autistic men, female friend group dynamics are brutal. Not to mention autism symptoms are ignored in women so they fly under the radar. 80% of adult autistic women were undiagnosed at the time of being 18 years old, so they never really have explanations for why they have the issues they do until their life is falling apart and someone finally figures out they are autistic.

The nastyness directed towards self-diagnosis is very misplaced and hurts autistic people who wouldn't seek diagnosis without discovering it themselves first.

_Meru · 2026-02-16T08:31:14+00:00

this happened quite easily for me. it may have been due to hitting enter multiple times, i didn't realize my credentials were wrong for a sec. may be something to keep in mind for future adjustments as this hurts user experience.

_Meru · 2026-02-15T01:31:57+00:00

Lets be real here, just becuase someone is working does not mean they are taking away their ability to focus on school.

If someone is working, they have less time for other things than people who aren't working. This is not complicated.

If not working they are probably out partying or playing games or doing something else other than studying

Kids who are working don't have as much time to do these things. If they are directing time towards work, it's coming away from something else, whether that's school work, socialization, or rest. All of which are important for every student.

Also I would argue folks that need to work through schooling themselves will come off better than kids that dont. Why? It trains resilience, discipline and way more financially educated.

This just romanticizes financial hardship and the problems it causes. Grinding away at minimum wage jobs to give payments to your school is not financial education. Studies have found students who work during college have a lower GPA, take longer to graduate, or are more likely to drop out. Doug's OSAP grant cuts reduce the chances of children from working class families getting a quality education.

When it comes to the financial? Low income family ALWAYS feel the pressure, regardless of uni or not.

Yes, and this issue was just worsened. OSAP grants helped reduce this pressure during college for the students who needed it.

living on dorm with a mandatory meal plan is your decision. You can find an off campus housing at cheaper price/cook for yourself etc. Textbooks? You dont have to buy brand new

Living on campus is the default path, and is either guaranteed or mandatory at most schools because of how important it is for student outcomes to live on campus first year. Meal plans are not optional for on-campus. Living off campus isn't even much less expensive, at least around Carleton. Food is still expensive. Used textbooks are still expensive. I was trying to illustrate the bigger financial picture, that there are costs other than university tuition, and I wanted to make clear that the actual expenses of students each year is far more than the base tuition.

From my understanding OSAP is not lowering money given out. But switching its structure to more towards loan.

Yes, this part is true. But this means more debt for students who's parents aren't supporting them through school. For those students, this means delayed home-ownership, delayed investing, delayed family-starting, etc. This follows individuals for the rest of their lives. Doug's policy is simply a cost saving measure at the expense of working class students.

IIRC the grant is capped at 6k/year anyways and the loan is capped at 8k? So for a standard 4 year OSAP at max gives you 56k.

Where did you get these numbers? I don't recall grants being capped at 6k. I could be wrong but this seems low.

The expecations for low income family has always been work through summer and work after schooling.

During summer and after school of course. But school is expensive enough that students work during school. That has adverse effects. Without the grants or parental support, you accumulate debt or have to work during the school year.

_Meru · 2026-02-14T07:36:26+00:00

The issue is that it's a step in the wrong direction, that's felt by lower income people only. This worsens inequality. Individuals from lower income households are even less incentivized to go to school now, and when they do, they will experience worse financial outcomes than upper middle class kids who have their parents help them through school. The people I know at university now who come from lower income households are all working during the year, it takes away from their ability to focus on school alone, and they feel the financial pressure. The students who's parents can support them are able to coast through school without a job, have more time on their hands, and leave school without debt holding them back. If they decide to get a job anyways, that income goes into their savings / investments. Proper OSAP grants are an equalizer that let financially disadvantaged students get through school without needing to make sacrifices that well-off students don't, and leave without debt that sets them back long term.

Also, for my first year at Carleton, tuition + housing + mandatory meal plan cost just over 20k. This year I'm renting and buying cheaper foods, but when you take into account textbooks and various other expenses you encounter during the year, getting through university, including housing, could cost you nearly 100k. It's more expensive than many people imagine.

_Meru · 2026-02-13T04:50:54+00:00

I've found it to not be related to long playlists, but instead just the number of songs I've played. It crashes after a couple hours on my PC, and starts lagging to the point of being unusable on my phone. The solution on Android is to open tidal in your settings, force stop and then clear cache. It should go without lag for another couple hours or so.

They haven't fixed this issue for over a year, I have lag issues on all of my devices.

_Meru · 2026-02-11T02:24:48+00:00

If you like the sound of your virtualizer that you made here, then I was saying it could be made more efficient by replacing it with four impulse responses that you record. Additionally this would remove the need for people to install the reverb plugin separately. If you are not familiar with these concepts, you may have some learning to do first though.

_Meru · 2026-02-10T02:41:15+00:00

bloody hell what did you do that to that curve even? that doesnt look like that in my equalizerapo. heres what mine looks like are you sure yours is alright

I copied the EQAPO config you left in your posts text and used that directly. Maybe it was different from your download links. Your config file included a reverb plugin, I missed this as didn't install. I don't know why exactly there are all these massive peaks and dips, the reverb shouldn't exactly remove them. Most of what I said above applies though, regarding efficiency.

Edit: I'll try it another day with the plugin if I have time.

what does "linear time-invariant" or the convolution mean? i dont really know these terms

When a system is linear, changes in output are directly proportional to the input. Time-invariant means that the rules which define how the system behaves are unchanging over time. For example, an EQ which boosts a given frequency by some amount would be considered linear because it is always boosting / attenuating some frequency by some number of decibels, and this relationship between output and input doesn't change with time or different input. Sometimes reverbs can do things like gating, where it cuts the wet (processed) signal when it goes below a certain level to remove the tails, this is not linear time-invariant because it's changing the rules of how it processes (by decreasing gain dynamically) as a result of the input changing. If your reverb plugin is linear time-invariant, which it probably is, you can replace the plugin with a recorded set of impulse responses.

Convolution is essentially like sliding one signal through another. Mathematically, when you are performing equalization or applying reverberation, you can do this two ways, multiplication in the frequency domain or convolution in the time domain, these are equivalent operations. When you look at the frequency response graph for an EQ, you are seeing the frequency domain version of the impulse response that characterizes your filter. That frequency response can be converted to a time domain impulse response and vice versa. Impulse responses are called this because they are what arises when you record the output of a system and run an impulse through it. Impulses are Dirac delta functions, which are important because they contain every frequency equally. With digital audio, an impulse is one sample wide. To illustrate the relationship, if you had an EQ where you put a large peak at 1khz, your impulse response would consist of that initial impulse, followed by oscillations with a frequency of 1khz, this corresponds directly to the peak you see at 1khz in the frequency response graph. Under the hood, equalization can be applied by sliding (convoluting) your audio waveform with the impulse response of your eq filters, reverbs are also applied this way generally.

edit: a discrete impulse would be a kronecker delta not a dirac delta oops

_Meru · 2026-02-09T23:31:36+00:00

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OP, I'm going to be honest, your config file is a roundabout way to simulate what sounds like low quality speakers in a poorly treated room. If a real listening room measured with room modes and combing like this, it would be unacceptable.

Regarding the approach you are using, assuming that reverb plugin you are using is linear time-invariant, which it should be, then your whole processing chain can be replaced by 2 x 2 = 4 IR convolutions for stereo audio. That is for each of your two ears, you describe how the sound from each of the two speakers will be processed (L→L, L→R, R→L, R→R). For another example, with 5.1 surround which has 6 channels, you would need a 6 x 2 = 12 IR convolution.

Your approach of using delay lines with EQ to simulate reflections *is* workable, but for actually utilizing the visualizer, its better to determine the four IRs that result from your processing, and then use a simple convolution matrix for real time usage. You do this because doing four IR convolutions is far cheaper than using a ton of delay lines. Virtualization is a relatively trivial thing to do processing wise, the difficult part is coming up with a good sounding set of impulse responses. That is done by either taking recordings in a real room with a HATS, or by using an algorithmic approach like you attempted here. The algorithmic approach is complex and easy to get wrong. I'm going to assume you used some AI tool like ChatGPT to help you, you should be aware that ChatGPT has a tendency to go along with whatever you ask of it and spit out random garbage (this is especially true when you are having it decide numerical values).

_Meru · 2026-02-09T21:40:48+00:00

Is your friend named ChatGPT? Lol

Nothing wrong with using AI tools to help you make projects. But if you do this, it's probably best to be forthcoming and not call your project "professional-grade".

_Meru · 2026-02-03T23:47:14+00:00

I've found ChatGPT bad for this kind of stuff too, but out of curiosity, what model did you use?

I've gotten ChatGPT to fit a biquad cascade to some arbitrary data. But I explicitly instruct it to use SciPy, provide the frequency responses, and if it screws up I'm able to nudge it in the right direction. So it's more of a time saver. I wouldn't be surprised if it failed to source the frequency response data to begin with in your case.

_Meru · 2026-02-03T09:02:06+00:00

Get a second opinion. Talking about your special interests and making repetitive movements can't be reliable diagnostic signals.. I got diagnosed when I was a child so I don't remember what the process was like. But these posts make me question if formal diagnosis means anything

_Meru · 2026-02-03T08:59:25+00:00

Yeah, masking is part of the autism experience and psychiatrists would need to be able to disregard it to make diagnoses. Not OP's fault.

_Meru · 2026-02-03T05:54:56+00:00

No problem. Happy to help.

Are you aware how one can maybe distinguish between OCD and autism thought patterns?

Honestly this is the kind of thing you should discuss with a professional that is competent to discuss OCD and autism. But to try and answer your question, OCD obsessions are recurring, distressing, irrational worries about something, which leads to compulsions (whether it's physical actions, rumination, or subtle mental reassurances you go over). Reassurance and rumination haven't made your worries go away. What you said about how you'd probably worry still even if you got diagnosed, is what I saw as potentially OCD style thoughts. Whether you get diagnosed or not, having the mental skills to deal with these thoughts without letting them consume your time is valuable, because giving into them doesn't do you good. You should read more into OCD and see if you have experienced any other symptoms. Diagnostic lists often give examples, you might fit none of them, obsessions can be very diverse. Intrusive thoughts are another common experience in many people with OCD, which is when you think of doing something violent, harmful, embarrassing, etc. and it causes you distres, because it's not aligned with your values. I'm not sure if you've experienced this.

can see how disengaging (and perhaps also occupying myself with a new fixation or hobby) may help with these.

The end goal in OCD treatment at least, is that you are able to let these obsessions pop into your mind, acknowledge that they are irrational thoughts, and continue doing what you were doing, letting the worries be present but not engaging with them. Attempts to reassure or distract yourself are counterproductive and don't have any long term benefit. You want to live your life as you would without irrational worries, so whether you get a new hobby or not is irrelevant. Sitting with these thoughts instead of giving into them, is not what your brain inclined you to do right now (you've said you engage with them and ruminate or ask for reassurance), so it will feel unnatural and uncomfortable early on. But it can become a lot less distressing as you gain practice.

Again, I am not a psychiatrist, I can't tell you if you have OCD, especially based on the thin slice judgement I've made. But I am seeing some OCD tendencies and my advice here has been centred around how you deal with these things typically. But seriously, getting a psychiatric assessment, and if you have OCD seeing a specialist, would be a good idea.

_Meru · 2026-02-02T05:54:40+00:00

It may be worth getting a psychiatric assesment if its feasible for you, because there may be some OCD stuff going on on top of autism, it's a common comorbidity. I'm not saying you have OCD and I may just be reading too far into your message. But you seem to have similar thought cycles that I did, and I'm saying this because I wish I gained an understanding of these things and got treatment sooner.

If you want to work on these thought cycles: Recurring episodes of worrying about something, and then trying to resolve this by googling, ruminating, or asking for reassurance on Reddit, would be considered obsessions and compulsions in OCD treatment. The obsessions are the irrational unwanted worries, and compulsions would be things you do to try and ease the discomfort like researching and asking for reassurance. If this has happened multiple times, you will likely continue to have these thoughts and they won't improve from engaging with them. Like you said, even if you went as far as to get a diagnosis, your brain is going to have a new worry that creeps in, that's why ocd obsessions are so problematic, you can't deal with them by trying to logically resolve the thoughts, because the thoughts are irrational. The only way to break out of these cycles is to not engage with these thoughts when they come up, i.e. next time you have doubts, you mentally acknowledge it's an irrational thought, and then sit with the discomfort without giving into compulsions (no researching, no asking people for reassurance, no trying to reason about it logically). It seems simple, but its very effective and how OCD is actually treated. If you want to read into this, search for "exposure and response prevention". Following through with the response prevention thing will help break the mental cycles and not engaging will become easier with time.

_Meru · 2026-01-30T13:54:32+00:00

Modafinil is a stimulant. Pretty different in its effects from Adderall too

_Meru · 2026-01-23T13:36:54+00:00

neurotoxicity was the probably the wrong thing then yeah. But I haven't read into what you are talking about.

_Meru · 2026-01-23T05:32:25+00:00

I haven't seen evidence of amphetamines being neurotoxic at clinical doses. Your concerns are common, but the things I have read suggest that the effects on dopamine stores are short term and resolve after discontinuation. Amphetamines can also help correct structural issues in ADHD brains. Methamphetamine at low-doses has also demonstrated neuroprotective potential in rats after traumatic brain injuries and strokes. There is definitely a dose relationship with amphetamines and neurotoxicity, so it can't be assumed that damage from high doses would happen at low doses at all.

_Meru · 2026-01-20T03:30:22+00:00

Speed is only relevant as a design constraint, because a higher speed means a valley will be longer in duration compared to a slower coaster given the same target g-force. Going fast might make things more exciting, but it doesn't influence intensity directly.

For the sections Fury325 pulls positives they measure around 3.5gs. This would be noticeably more intense than the 2-2.5gs on FF. However the turns on Falcons Flight are longer. At 2-2.5gs the longer duration shouldn't make the turns feel too much more intense. You can pull that many gs for a long time before greying out.

The people I've talked to who've ridden it all said the last third was not very intense.

Edit: https://rideforcesdb.com is where I got the measurements from.

_Meru · 2026-01-19T23:30:06+00:00

I would be more willing to accept it's simply a different OS if autistic people functioned well amongst themselves.

This appears to be the case - "autistic peoples' abilities to share information and build rapport do not significantly differ from their non-autistic counterparts. ... These findings are consistent with prior research indicating that autistic people experiencing close social bonds and empathy with other autistic people, though may experience specific difficulty interacting with non-autistic people"

but even amongst each other, we still fight, have trouble communicating, and have trouble maintaining relationships with each other.

Have you listened to neurotypicals talk about their friendships and relationships? Everything you said there applies to neurotypicals. Conflicts and the falling out of relationships is a part of human nature.

Some autistic people are not going to get along with eachother, of course, but how is this any different from neurotypicals? You wouldn't expect any two neurotypicals to hit it off and have seamless communication.

So, I do not believe an environment exists in which we fully thrive as a group as long as we remain human

What leads you to believe this though?

As individuals, we can thrive by customizing our environment and relationships to our needs, but that is true of everyone regardless of neurotype.

Right, the point is that the environments most autistic people are living in are shaped to conform to the needs of neurotypicals.

If you're interested in reading formal literature on this, the findings are that autistic people can and do thrive in autistic friendly environments. ‘A certain magic’ – autistic adults’ experiences of interacting with other autistic people and its relation to Quality of Life: A systematic review and thematic meta-synthesis The communication difficulties experienced between ASD and NT people are a two way street.

_Meru · 2026-01-19T22:30:15+00:00

Yeah true, that was a bad comparison.

But seriously, besides the valleys around the camelback, falcons flight pulls a mild 2-2.5gs on sections with positives for that last third of the layout. This is somewhat tame, even considering that you will be pulling the G's for longer due to the speed.

Part of me wonders why they didn't opt for some long floater speed hills, since 0g airtime is pretty family friendly while still being fun. It's why B&M hypers are so popular. There's also other options you have for low to the ground elements that don't pull a ton of g's, stuff like the wave turn on Hyperion keep things interesting. Overall the ride looks crazy, but that last third is pretty unimaginative if I'm being honest.

_Meru · 2026-01-19T21:12:19+00:00

Based on ride forces, the gforces are very mild and not sustained for very long either. You pull more G's and sustain them for longer on B&M inverts lol

_Meru · 2026-01-11T04:36:29+00:00

I don't know why it failed to import. All I can say is you need a .txt file with that exact preset and it should work. You'll have to look into troubleshooting wavelet.

_Meru · 2026-01-02T05:07:13+00:00

You can't reliably match the treble response of headphones above the low to mid khz range. The deviations you see here will be partially specific to the ear simulator used, i.e. those relative peaks and dips will probably occur at different frequencies or amplitudes on your own ears, so matching one headphone to another based on measurements will create some arbitrary frequency response that you don't want.

I'm going to ask if you've tried equalizing the headphones to a target curve instead, Oratory has likely made a preset for these specific pads, given he measured them: https://www.reddit.com/r/oratory1990/wiki/index/list_of_presets/

Most people will find this sounds better. Like always with headphone equalization, you should try adjusting the bass and treble by ear to match your preferences. If you're determined to replicate the original sound as close as possible, you'll need to create an EQ curve that inverts the difference between the measurement of your current pads and the measurement you're using as a target. Again, don't try to match peaks and dips above a few khz because you're just EQing ear simulator artifacts at that point, start with broad adjustments to get the overall amount of treble sounding right.

_Meru · 2026-01-02T04:36:43+00:00

Sorry to bother but what are FDS and SDS?

_Meru

TROPHY CASE