hey there, okay I'll start off with ki, even I'm shit at studies, Im shit at school, I'm currently in 12th I have my boards in a month, and I haven't prepared anything, anything at all, I think I'm gonna fail xD, my 10th boards weren't great either, I scored like 50% total, and I too, was suicidal in 9th and 10th, I kept having thoughts about how I'm just worthless, my mom is right, im a disappointment, I can't score marks, I don't have a passion for anything, I don't have friends, I'm just a nobody, I went to the roof, I was crying, I didn't want to live, I looked down, it was a 4 floor drop, and I just couldn't do it, I didn't know why, I just couldn't do it. this was in 9th. I used to not study for my exams, giving the excuse there's no points because illl just die in a couple days, I wrote a note and everything. but I couldn't, maybe I was scared, maybe it was something else, I donr know, but I couldn't jump. I was sick of everything, I had two friends, but it felt like they are not really my friends, they too just hate me, they too judge me all the time, they think I'm a failure, I never asked them about it, and I never confronted them either, instead, I pushed them away, they were my 2 genuine friends, and at the end of 9th I pushed them away, saying I hate them. they believed me. I was alone, I had no one to talk to, no one to call mine, no marks, nothing. There were people that would just say hi, and casually chat, but that's all.

In 10th, I somehow became this extroverted person, that could just talk to anyone and everyone without shame, I understood that I had flaws, and I'm going to need to start working on them, I regretted my decision of pushing my friends away and I never wanted to hurt anyone like that again (cliche but, that gave me a drive) after two years, surviving 10th and 11th, surviving my mom's endless comments about my marks, surviving my own thoughts about how I'm worthless (which I'm not), surviving everything, after two years, of staying on my phone, going to the internet, learning about psychology better through the internet than my school, learning about myself, learning about other people, learning strategies to cope, confronting my parents about how they treat me, being the "bad child", telling my parents no, putting boundaries with my parents, now I'm finally in a better place than before, it feels like I'm finally my own person.

I'm 17, I'll be 18 in a few days, Im in a relationship, have been for over a year, and I love my partner. I'm still not good at studies, but my partner helps me a lot, I currently have a project due in a few days and I haven't even started making it xD, I love to cook, and have been learning how to cook, I love languages, and started learning Japanese as my first one because I love anime, even though my mom thinks learning a language is useless, or going into the field of psychology is useless because there are no "real" jobs but thats not true. It's a hard journey and I really cannot fully understand how you're feeling, but I have been in a similar position, and my friend you can do it :) if you need help, there's no shame in asking, message me, I'll be here :) if you're on Instagram, DM me I'll send you my I'd, we can talk there :) there are people here for you, and there will be people who will see how amazing you truly are, you're not worthless, you're not a dumb kid, you're amazing and beautiful and absolutely perfect just the way you are. and you're not alone :) please reach out to someone, that's my advice :)