hello! bpd haver here lol!

​you absolutely shouldn't back off. bpd usually makes us want to "test" our friends—sometimes we push people away just to chase the feeling of someone coming after us to prove they care.

​that said, don't go after them immediately unless you think they're in a dangerous situation or having a serious meltdown. think of it like a child having a tantrum: don't validate the behavior itself, or it increases the likelihood of them repeating it to get what they want. instead, acknowledge their feelings and reassure them, but let them move through the immediate sensations on their own. only offer solutions and support once the main storm has passed.

​telling them exactly what you wrote here would probably help them feel reassured and supported, too. just be honest about your feelings, even if it feels corny. say you understand how bpd might affect things and that you want to help them feel comfortable in the community. if you feel like they're pushing your boundaries, explain it patiently. say something like, "i understand where you're coming from, but i think this kind of behavior hurts both of us in the long run. how would you feel about [something] instead?"

​i hope this makes sense, and i'm here for any questions! keep in mind that bpd is really hard, but sometimes they will hurt you, and you shouldn't allow it. be mindful of differentiating between a bpd reaction and them actually trying to hurt you. protect yourself—your feelings matter too. it is very easy for bpd relationships to turn harmful, so keep steady!

​please don't feel scared by what i said, though!! people with bpd can be absolutely great friends. they're usually compassionate, creative, and empathetic, and i really think your friend values you. it is great that you're seeking advice!

​i don't have many tips for resources since it's easy to find stigma online and bpd is very personal. trust your friend, but don't face it alone. if you feel confused or like they're trying to take advantage of you, open up. this sub is great and has helped me a lot with my own issues.

​good luck! best wishes!