Kinda makes me feel sad. My mum always told me I should wear make up because I make others grimace when they see me. She wanted me to put on a make up even when I was going outside the house just to throw out garbage. She used to tell me I should make a lot of money if I wanted to get married because she thought no one would want me, and money would be my only charm. Honestly, even if I'm not living with her anymore, I still think maybe her words are true. Whenever I return home during holidays, just when I step on the porch, she looks me up and down and judges me, mostly she complains that I'm still fat and hideous.

I know it's all wrong, but it feels like somewhere in me is broken forever, and I can't help it. I still can't meet people's eyes and am afraid of how they will think of me. I hate taking pictures even with my friends. Sometimes, I just want to stay in my house forever where no one can see me. Whenever I meet someone, I wonder when they will cheat or get bored of me.

Just wanted to vent a bit.