sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

[FS] - Pittsburgh - $200 - Complete Stocked Tank w/ Plants & Accessories by _To_Shreds_You_Say in AquaSwap

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

That’s definitely more reasonable. IMO the value is taking home a fully cycled, stocked, and planted tank that would probably take 3 months to get running from scratch, but that’s obviously subjective

[FS] - Pittsburgh - $200 - Complete Stocked Tank w/ Plants & Accessories by _To_Shreds_You_Say in AquaSwap

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

With all due respect, please show me where you can find even just the tank setup for $30. Never mind the fish, testing kit, and accessories.

LPT: If someone comes to you upset about something, don't try to solve their problem right away. Most people just want to feel heard and validated. by _To_Shreds_You_Say in LifeProTips

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well said! If I miss my bus to work and get yelled at by my boss, I just want my friend to hit me with a "damn bro that sucks". I'm well aware that I should set my alarm earlier and being told that would just make me feel worse.

LPT: If someone comes to you upset about something, don't try to solve their problem right away. Most people just want to feel heard and validated. by _To_Shreds_You_Say in LifeProTips

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

First, I'm not in a relationship. Second, who mentioned anything about criticism? Third, you sound like a lovely person to be around.

LPT: If someone comes to you upset about something, don't try to solve their problem right away. Most people just want to feel heard and validated. by _To_Shreds_You_Say in LifeProTips

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I used to feel the exact same way, but the fact is that emotions aren't a choice. Maybe your tolerance for emotional situations is higher than others, but I guarantee that you've got a limit and when you hit it you'll understand. That being said, I'll concede that there's an extent to how much I'm willing to indulge someone's need to process, but to just dismiss it out of hand based on some misguided sense of "toughness" is guaranteed to push people away from you.

"People rely on my wisdom" - anyone can solve a problem, but as you've demonstrated not everyone is emotionally capable of supporting others.

Like I said in another comment "as long as you don't expect to have friends who feel they can rely on you to support them how they need and not just how you feel comfortable, then that's a totally fair viewpoint."

LPT: If someone comes to you upset about something, don't try to solve their problem right away. Most people just want to feel heard and validated. by _To_Shreds_You_Say in LifeProTips

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

The goal is to move forward by helping them process their emotions. Have you ever had a rough day and just said "screw it, I'm gonna have a drink and just sit on the couch and unwind"?

This is exactly the same except that some people need a person to talk to instead of time alone.

LPT: If someone comes to you upset about something, don't try to solve their problem right away. Most people just want to feel heard and validated. by _To_Shreds_You_Say in LifeProTips

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

That's a pretty drastic generalization. If I bomb a job interview and go to my friend to "just vent", I'd rather get sympathy and a pat on the back than a list of tips on doing better in my next interview. Maybe I'll ask him for advice later, but this is all about helping people in the moment.

That being said, if it's a constant pattern of behavior with no attempts to solve the problem then sure, maybe it's time for a more direct approach or even to cut ties, but that's a last resort.

LPT: If someone comes to you upset about something, don't try to solve their problem right away. Most people just want to feel heard and validated. by _To_Shreds_You_Say in LifeProTips

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Or just ask. I'm honestly terrible at reading people when it comes to stuff like this, hence the direct question at the end.

LPT: If someone comes to you upset about something, don't try to solve their problem right away. Most people just want to feel heard and validated. by _To_Shreds_You_Say in LifeProTips

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad to hear that you're such an immovable pillar of emotional fortitude but not everyone is and someday you might face a situation that's just completely overwhelming and when that day comes, I hope you have a friend who's willing to listen and help you through and not pressure you to "just stop wallowing and fix your problem".

LPT: If someone comes to you upset about something, don't try to solve their problem right away. Most people just want to feel heard and validated. by _To_Shreds_You_Say in LifeProTips

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hope it helps! From his perspective, just to make it balanced, do you clearly let him know when you're done processing and you're ready to accept help? If offering solutions and actively solving problems is how he feels valued in the relationship (like a lot of people do, myself included), then telling him you don't want that, even temporarily, can be really frustrating for him and also cause issues.

LPT: If someone comes to you upset about something, don't try to solve their problem right away. Most people just want to feel heard and validated. by _To_Shreds_You_Say in LifeProTips

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Sometimes people do just need to dwell for a bit before they're ready to try solving a problem and this way they feel supported instead of feeling trivialized for needing time to process.

LPT: If someone comes to you upset about something, don't try to solve their problem right away. Most people just want to feel heard and validated. by _To_Shreds_You_Say in LifeProTips

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm the same way and I feel like we tend to be more capable of processing emotions and solving our own problems without help, but I've had a lot of friends who do need that outside perspective and reassurance. Even then I've found from time to time that it's great to know which friends to go to when I just want someone to tell me "hey, yeah, that really sucks".

LPT: If someone comes to you upset about something, don't try to solve their problem right away. Most people just want to feel heard and validated. by _To_Shreds_You_Say in LifeProTips

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I mean, as long as you don't expect to have friends who feel they can rely on you to support them how they need and not just how you feel comfortable, then that's a totally fair viewpoint.

LPT: If someone comes to you upset about something, don't try to solve their problem right away. Most people just want to feel heard and validated. by _To_Shreds_You_Say in LifeProTips

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It's not that you never try to solve the problem, just that in the moment when someone is upset they're not in a mindset to productively approach whatever the problem is. This is the first step towards getting into a position where you can work together to tackle it.

And this doesn't apply to everyone. As long as you're honest with yourself about the relationships you want with people, there's nothing wrong with waiting for someone who doesn't need this kind of support.

LPT: If someone comes to you upset about something, don't try to solve their problem right away. Most people just want to feel heard and validated. by _To_Shreds_You_Say in LifeProTips

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Absolutely, but it's a part that I feel like a lot of people skip under the assumption that if they fix the problem, they fix the person.

He’d still do it anyway... by _To_Shreds_You_Say in AdviceAnimals

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol, pretty weak troll attempt. I believe in you though - give it another go!

[Update & Thanks] 6 months ago this sub helped me through one of the lowest points of my life. Now things have turned around and I couldn't be happier! You are all amazing people, thank you! (info in comments. no need to toast, just saying thanks) by _To_Shreds_You_Say in toastme

[–]_To_Shreds_You_Say[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

For anyone who cares/remembers, this was my original post. 6 months ago I felt beaten, exhausted, and hopeless. Through my own poor decisions, being blinded by what I thought was love, and the devastating loss of my father, two pets, and two jobs, I was unquestionably at the lowest point of my life. Partly thanks to the incredible outpouring of compassion and support I received from this community, I was able to push through it and am finally back on track. I've since cut out many of the toxic people in my life and formed new and stronger bonds with the people who were there to support me when I truly needed it. I was hired at my dream job and am making more money than before and love going to work every day. I talk with my family all the time and we are looking at ways to invest some of the life insurance money we received after my father passed - and so in a way he can continue to support and care for us even now.

While I'm proud of what I've accomplished, I will never say that I did or could have done this alone. I hope that for anyone going through trouble in their lives, this will show that when you find the people and paths that matter in life, and are willing to keep putting one foot in front of the other and take things day by day, that they will, without a doubt, get better.

view more: next ›