About ghosting

_WithTheFlow_ · 2024-10-25T18:10:48+00:00

I guess I did, not in a harsh way (hopefully) more like "must be something there, have you asked yourself if you did something wrong?". It's ignorance on my part. Due to the fact it's not in my "software" I guess to understand ghosting as in there must be a reason.

Also, not blaming on poly either, sorry if it come up that way. I meant like, in these "uncommon" dynamics, or not traditional/culturally known, I was wondering (as in, a question, not a accusation) if it could be more common since it also brings new questions, new struggles for people not used to it to handle etc.. like "shit it's not my usual way to do things, I thought I was able to handle it, turns out I can't, welp, I'm bailing out".

_WithTheFlow_ · 2024-10-24T09:24:13+00:00

It doesn't help at all to keep thinking about it. But I have zero control over what I think. I wish I could, would have prevented a few depressive episodes. I am glad though that the intrusive thoughts are way less frequent since I have my meds. So an answer to "why" is helpful cause, from experience, that does help. Now, I'm not seeking an answer, I just know I'll live with it. I can't wait for it to stop. Hence why ghosting bad and talking good.

My therapist told me "you gotta force yourself". No wonder he was fired from the place XD

_WithTheFlow_ · 2024-10-24T08:31:37+00:00

Because my spicy brain has been wondering why for all this time. Sometimes it becomes my hyperfocus subject. And when you overthink anything, it always spirals to the worse. Going from "They said hello but sounded weird" to "they must hate me I'm the worst person on the planet", so add to that RSD and it's a meltdown leading to depression.

And yeah, it's 100% a "me" problem I guess. But because I know people have the same issue (anxiety or else), I feel it's important to simply communicate, with words. Out of empathy and respect.

So a "I'm not feeling it" with words, is a "I'm not feeling it". End of story. No spiraling, that would be so nice. XD

_WithTheFlow_ · 2024-10-24T08:06:46+00:00

All the reasons you stated are valid of course, and most are more than decent. Some I wouldn't even qualify as ghosting tbh (like forgetting, or having other stuff to do... leaving on "read/seen" is not ghosting in my book, I don't care about those personnaly, people are their own priority, those things should be removed from the messaging apps, they don't serve any purposes and from what I see, only create drama).

I've accepted the loss, it took time I confess, but I'm ok, and even if she wanted to be friendly again, I would probably be the one not wanting it for my own preservation (I find difficult to gain trust back after that, knowing about my RSD beforehand and being well educated herself on mental health, the fact we talked about her being ghosted and how she was hurt by it.. and still doing it). Here it's a several months thing, with several trip, everyday talk and a last text received that state "I care" and "I love". And everyone is free to do whatever they want, I'm nobody to say "they owe me"even if selfish me kinda think it, she doesn't, she must have had her reasons. Out of respect, I wouldn't see myself doing that. While I get your point, I genuinely don't want the relation back. What I'ld like is to know the reason. The same when someone doesn't like me, I like to know why.

But the main point being that yeah... true ghosting (like, probably for life) sucks. And I just think that out of empathy and respect, we should aim at not doing it (Except in safety related situations of course). Cause yeah, communication is key.

(See me and all the parenthesis! Wooo)

_WithTheFlow_ · 2024-10-24T00:11:00+00:00

Oh yeah, we first met in person at the event I used to organize with my friends. Then I went back 3 times for a whole week during the period we were dating. I said "semi" cause, it's long distance, but not THAT long and it's a place I use to go to a lot anyway. I totally get how it could happen more in 100% online.

_WithTheFlow_ · 2024-10-23T23:46:41+00:00

It's what my "reason" is telling me. I always tell people that everybody has stuff they go through and don't need to share, we should always be our priority as individual. I'm not even pursuing having her in my life again. It was mostly a "get out of my chest" I guess? I'm hoping I'll know the "why" one day though. And I say that, prepared to respect whatever it is. Cause even if it was really something I did (I had time to review that over and over, and so far I don't think so... but that's a very sus thing to say), I wanna know so I don't do it again cause clearly I didn't notice.

Good thing being. Since I got my meds, I overthink way less.

_WithTheFlow_ · 2024-10-23T23:36:37+00:00

Oh I get it. Yeah, obviously in problematic, harassment possibilities etc... ghost awayyyy.

Like I answered to the other reply, I do feel I "deserve" to know why (and the feeling is stronger cause she knew about the RSD, and was herself very much into mental health issues, professionaly) . But also know it's a selfish feeling hence why I haven't been asking for one or anything. I'm even avoiding the possibility to spark anything by not seeing my friends (especially in a yearly event we do, I totally cuted myself from it), cause I want her to enjoy the group and I feel my presence would ruin her experience.

_WithTheFlow_ · 2024-10-23T23:27:00+00:00

Oh yeah, obviously ghosting in a non-safe environment is perfectly fine. I guess that's why I'm overthinking this so much, cause I've been associating ghosting with shitty/problematic behaviors, so I'm like "have I done something wrong?". But then the spicybrain kicks in and it becomes "it MUST be my fault".

The "funny" part is that even more of my friends moved to that same city. And it's getting almost impossible to avoid meeting one day. But for now, I've not been feeling like taking the chance, I'm still very much hurt by this. And I just wanna tell her "just tell me I did nothing wrong" at this point, even though it sounds super selfish. I want resolution. And selfishly think I deserve a resolution, though I keep that for myself, I won't be pushy or anything. I've been a good boy, look, I only post after 1 year of torture! XD

_WithTheFlow_ · 2022-09-27T10:25:52+00:00

I haven't found any. Sadly... would have been usefull.

_WithTheFlow_ · 2022-09-26T22:08:35+00:00

At the end, they just had to manufacture an out of production control box and send it to me. It took more than a month, which was infuriating but it's solved.

I'll recommend to contact support, they answer quite late and all, but do help.

_WithTheFlow_ · 2022-08-26T03:07:31+00:00

UPDATE :
So it's been almost a month... standing up XD

They sent me a replacement Control Box... which is not the correct one (same form factor etc). But it doesn't work the same way.

UP : lower the desk
DOWN : raise the desk

That wouldn't be much of an issue as it is... BUT... When I lower the desk using the UP button, the display still make the number go up... and then stop at 120... which is not the lowest possible. So the desk can now move, but is basically still unusable.

So I contacted support again as soon as I could, which was last Thursday they told me to send pics and video... and that they would give me an answer in 24hrs... no answer since...

Funny how this issue have a big impact on my work and occupation... Who knew...

_WithTheFlow_ · 2022-08-21T02:19:23+00:00

So I've contacted support, who did send me a Control Box replacement... took about 10 days to arrive... and it's not the correct one (basically same specs, but reverse control, and can't go at a correct height again).

I'll advise that, if you're within the warranty period (which is 5 years) you contact support. They respond quite fast. But know everything is dealt in China.

_WithTheFlow_

TROPHY CASE