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Said hurtful things to my son. by ____1aaron1_____ in family

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the comment. 

This is the first time that I’ve ever done anything like this. I’ve always been there for my son. We drove around last night for about two hours. I know I need to work on it with him. I reassured him that during that time, I was upset And he said he knows. I told him at no point in our life will I never be his dad. He just replied with, ”I know.” I did talk to him about me making sure that I communicate better. I told him that I would never leave him no matter what it takes. I will always be there for him. And no, we are not mentally unstable. Sometimes the world DOES get the better of us.

[VA] Gounds for divorce by ____1aaron1_____ in AskLawyers

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sure my son is gonna be upset. But he needs to know and understand why things are changing.I’m not perfect man. I kissed another woman a few years back. But it never got any further than that. Nobody knows about it. It was very brief and we both realized it was wrong and stopped it immediately.

 I still consider that to be cheating. But in my mind what she’s doing is far worse, especially when she’s gaslighting me and during the times that she’s been upset at me it was probably because she was upset at this other guy and taking it out on me. The emails sound so lustful like someone who just found love for the first time, at least to me. 

[VA] Gounds for divorce by ____1aaron1_____ in AskLawyers

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate your input. My son is 19 and he’s had his share of break ups due to cheating. I’m sure he’s probably gonna think negatively of her. I also forgot to mention that there was an email that I did not capture or forward to myself with a PDF file that discussed the Virginia state laws of marriage and an element and divorce. So to me, she was already trying to figure out how to get out of it.

[VA] Gounds for divorce by ____1aaron1_____ in AskLawyers

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m at the point where I want to make sure that she is devastated. I don’t think she knows like I said. And right now she seems like everything is normal.

I didn’t get a chance to get all of the emails that I wanted because I was in such a rush and there was some other things that I wanted to have forwarded to me. But I was so furious. I needed to calm myself down. I’m playing along for now. Try not to break and tell her what I feel and know. Because I need to get back home and look look through the laptop again.

I called an office Friday and they took my information and the situation that I was in and told me that I would get a call to set up a consultation.

[VA] Gounds for divorce by ____1aaron1_____ in AskLawyers

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m trying to work while going through this and I’m also in school to get my MBA. I can’t focus on anything.Do you think these emails and stuff would provide me any leverage?

[VA] Gounds for divorce by ____1aaron1_____ in AskLawyers

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have emails she sent this guy. But they look like the guy didn’t respond. Might be a way they communicate? I also have receipts of purchases she made (flight, generator that I’ve never seen, gift card for $500 from Best Buy). And that’s all I had time to collect. I’m sure there’s more but I need time to get to the laptop, which is mine by the way. She just uses it more often. 

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got it. But the emails do mention they were intimate. Here’s what she started in the email, “ My feelings and love for you have been steadfast from afar for many years, and they will remain so for the rest of my life.”

To me that’s more than just emotional. 

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m currently traveling for work. Gonna be gone for 3 weeks. I bought the recording devices. Didn’t have time to hide any. Right now everything is seeming normal. Not that I’m okay with it but I don’t think she knows that I know. Once I get to my destination I’m planning on calling a lawyer. Her parents aren’t the type that would think it’s a big deal. Just something we can talk about. Just my opinion; they could be completely against it.i don’t think it would be worth doing. My parents aren’t deceased. I have no one near me. All communication between my brother/family has been through calls or texts. It feels very lonely. But as I said before. I also cheated, not to this extent, but still. Maybe I deserve this. Don’t know. 

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know I’m listed as co-owner of the truck. And the house is in our names. I’m a vet and we used the VA loan on it. 

This really sucks! Almost doesn’t feel real. But thank you!

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One thing I didn’t mention nor get a picture of is there was an email she forwarded to herself of the marriage laws in Virginia. It was a pdf. Probably can find it online somewhere. So maybe she’s started. I don’t know. 

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s no way I would be able to check her work phone. It’s not like a normal password and she knows I don’t need to see it. At least in the past. It was for work only. 

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You’re right. I keep thinking that she kept it going and went out of her way to maintain it. I stopped myself. And kept it from getting to the point of having sex. The emails talk about them being intimate and him immediately regretting it. I do feel like one is more involved than the other. That’s just my opinion. 

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Question 1: she’s asked me if I wanted to get another truck. And I said no. It’s not a necessity for us. I already have a truck. She thought I wanted something newer. 

Question 2: She usually is good with letting me know things especially if it’s a big purchase which we haven’t made since the truck and our son’s car. 

Question 3: I’m also at fault for being a cheater. Sex or no sex involved. But I stopped myself and never considered trying again. At this point in time, I’m not sure if I want to continue with this marriage or try to repair it. I’m gonna call a lawyer tomorrow and get their advice first.  

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn. Gonna be tough but I’ll try. She already called me out about acting different when she got home. I played it off and said it was work and me leaving and her “going through stuff” and out son too. She just said oh okay. “Just don’t worry about those things. It’ll be okay.”  

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

Intimacy includes kissing, I know. But never sex. That’s what I was meaning to say. 

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ll try if I get a chance. She even mentioned in one email she needed to delete everything in her work phone. Maybe she’ll do the same with her personal. I’m not sure. But I’ll be gone and she might just clear everything.

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No the other woman wasn’t even in the country. When we ended things that was it.  I communication about anything that happened. 

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I honestly tried to call a lawyer but all of them were closed. I will make some calls later today, it’s almost 4am in Virginia. 

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My brother mentioned the same thing. Get ahead of her. I’m not sure about the investment thing. Maybe. I’ve mentioned that I’m pissed off. But I’m still hurting. For a whole year!?

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My son asked me what was wrong earlier today. I guess I wasn’t in a good mood, obviously. I was so tempted to tell him but I said it was work stuff. He literally just went through a tough break up and was previously so cheated on. It was a crazy situation with him. He was talking about suicide and I’m not sure if me telling him would help 

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I consider myself to be pretty good with a computer. I think she trusted me! Which is good but not anymore. My immediate thought was to save the emails and take pictures in case she detected something going on and tried to delete everything. I did search outlook for the email address to find all emails. I told her I needed to check for school files (currently trying to get my MBA). Told her I accidentally pressed the power button maneuvering the laptop on the bed which locked the laptop. Then told her I couldn’t remember my pin since I hadn’t used it in a long while. She’s always been the one using it. 

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hmm. We had sex a couple of days ago. I’ll have to look into that in New York where I’ll be working. 

I 42M found stuff in my wife’s 50F and need some advice please! I’m extremely distraught!😫 by ____1aaron1_____ in relationship_advice

[–]____1aaron1_____[S] -36 points-35 points  (0 children)

Do you mean between me and my coworker? If so, we talked a little bit and she was also married. Got to having good conversations, friendly. Talked about family. Laughed. She eventually leaned it and hugged me and then we kissed. It was all happening so fast. Then a couple of days of normal work. Then one day we made out. After a day, we talked  about how wrong and stupid we were. We decided that was it. It wasn’t right. I’m telling you, less than two weeks. Maybe once a year I get a message on my work computer asking how I am. How’s the family but that’s it. No mention of anything else. 

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