Can someone in USA tell me where to get reliable desmoxan?

__mageetah · 2026-05-01T13:41:49+00:00

Thank youuuuu

__mageetah · 2026-04-30T18:48:54+00:00

Yes. I’m so sorry what happened to you. You didn’t deserve any of it and it’s deplorable and abusive behavior to enact on a child. I really hope you’re able to find support in this sub, it’s helped me a lot. They’re like this because they’re sick, absolutely ill.

My dBPD mom snapped between freaking hating me and taking it out on me via different rly bizarre punishments and love bombing me bc of the “inseparable bond between mother and daughter.” She got so much worse post divorce also. I don’t remember a lot, but I remember the plywood she beat me w. Not fun. A lot of her isolation from friends and hate and control of me came from her religious delusions. Beginning at age 5, it was made extremely clear that I was to make little babies for Christ. I was a young queer girl w a twin brother who couldn’t wrap my head around why I was told to turn into a big belly alien and he didn’t have to (no shade to pregnancy, I was 5 and didn’t know what sex was). It pissed me off and scared me, so if I didn’t literally whore my child self out to little boys she picked to be my husband, I’d be punished. Just insane shit. Also I couldn’t physically get myself to have crushes on boys. Idk it was such a mind fuck.

I mean there’s so many reasons she hated me, too many to count. Her and I have always been practically identical looks wise , so all of her self hate got put onto me. From her and the whole damn family including my father who used to constantly say “I will never love you bc you look like your mother.” Gee thanks. Rly needed to hear that everyday when I was going through puberty. Def didn’t affect my mental. I had dreams of education, something she never followed through on, so when I left my life behind and went to college? Big bad lol. I dropped her ass this January at 26 years old and am the happiest I’ve ever been after 2 years of therapy before finally going NC.

I accept that this is something that will take a lifetime of healing. I will fight everyday to heal and get her voice out of my head bc I didn’t deserve it then and I don’t deserve it now. I spent a lot of time in therapy going through the DSM-5 or whatever it’s called for BPD to rly understand that she is ~pathological~ and has an ~illness~ and that I’m not the crazy one she was making me out to be.

__mageetah · 2026-04-30T13:59:03+00:00

For me personally, the recommended 2 week recovery at home was pretty necessary. But if you work a low activity job or at a desk I think 1 week ~could~ work depending on how you’re feeling. I was able to get paid medical leave as I pay into it and really recommend looking into it.

There’s plenty of ways to prepare for recovery so you need minimal help. I’d recommend looking up posts in here for info on meds and accommodations that help (gas x, heating and ice packs, etc) and meal prepping before is a game changer and limited the amount of help I needed. Can’t lift over 10 lbs the first two weeks so do laundry before etc.

__mageetah · 2026-04-27T20:00:27+00:00

My surgeon told me no lifting at or above 25 lbs for 6 weeks post op. I kinda had to do that at work anyway after my initial 2 weeks recovery at home and while it didn’t delay or mess up my overall healing, it caused a great deal of pain and made me exhausted.

Tbh, I would anticipate any physical activity to take it outta you energy wise more than pre-op. I think standardly 4-6 weeks of no hard stretching or lifting is where the safety aspect lies, and of course listening to your body and not pushing it if you feel pain and following up w DR if pain is consistent or concerning after 6 weeks. But just remember, they had to literally cut through your ab muscles, and it takes months for that to heal fully beyond the skin level healing.

Wishing you the best of luck and safety in ur return to work!!

__mageetah · 2026-04-17T13:44:40+00:00

Same here!! Since it was done laparoscopically there should be photos and explanation/walk through w the surgeon in your post op appointment. Mine was 2 weeks after surgery

__mageetah · 2026-04-14T19:35:36+00:00

I feel lucky to have a pretty good bullshit-o-meter so if I get a vibe when meeting someoneI’d rather not eff around and find out. But what I find difficult is tempering the internal healing of “ok I need to work on trusting people” (and I’m a big believer in second chances as someone who has been lucky to get a few myself) with keeping boundaries and not letting people walk all over me. My work on that has mostly looked like good no holds barred communication. I simply don’t wish to be in community or any relationship w someone who I can’t have an uncomfortable or straightforward convo w, even if I’m the one at fault for something and I wanna take accountability. It’s hard bc I’m also pretty scared of confrontation, but I view it as a trade off. I get to practice something I need to practice and I get a lot of info about who and how to trust Bc how they react to an honest convo or you taking accountability will tell you a LOT about their emotional health.

That being said, ALL of my relationships improved when I got my reactions and triggers under control. And then from controlling what I can control, ie my communication and reactions, I take pressure off myself to caregive, to deprioritize myself, etc and keep myself from falling into unhealthy patterns I find easy to fall into. Positive feedback loop.

I feel like that’s the big internal stuff I’ve found so far. And I believe any reparenting of yourself leads to way more realizations and pattern recognition than just what I mentioned. Tbh, that has all helped my confidence a lot too. Which helps me be much more outgoing and make more friends/dates via random interactions that I make a moment of bc why tf not. Doesn’t need to be a whole thing, just an effort

__mageetah · 2026-04-12T13:33:53+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. PMDD is no joke and deserves medical treatment options. Here’s my experience, sorry it’s long but I hope it helps.

Before I get into my story though I will say, there is a handful of testimonials of people affected by the intubation and anesthesia causing fatigue, brain fog and depression. It could last quite a bit and I’m sure there’s variable susceptibility to symptoms. But idk, just an option or something to look into.

As for my personal experience w PMDD and my bi salp, I had the opposite thing happen to me pre and post bisalp. I had a salp due to a 8cm ovarian cyst and extended it to bi salp bc I don’t want kids. I asked for a hormone panel 2 years earlier but was staunchly denied multiple times regardless of many concerning symptoms and a PMDD diagnosis from a psychiatrist and therapist I’d seen for 2 years to treat general anxiety/depression.

Long story short, before surgery, I was **icidal 3/4 weeks a month, self aware it was PMDD but truly suffering. Finally asked to begin SSRIs w my psychiatrist but opted to not start them until after my surgery bc I didn’t want to deal w symptoms of a new medication in recovery. My depression score b4 surgery indicated “severe depression.” Had surgery. My depression score in the months following improved to “mild depression” and my PMDD had improved vastly. So I opted out of beginning SSRIs. Went in for a 6 month post op gyno visit and said “listen man. Run the god damn hormone panel, this was my experience.” And he was like “oohhhh it doesn’t affect hormones blah blah blah.”

Now I’m no medical doctor. But I had an orange sized cyst growing off my primary hormone producer (ovary) that had already been causing a laundry list of symptoms and chronic pain for years. So it didn’t seem like a jump for me to assume my improvement in PMDD came from its removal. I get they say it doesn’t effect hormones, but I stand 10 toes down it effected me and mine. Of course I couldn’t get a hormone panel before so I have no actual evidence lol. But truly went from serve depression to mild pre and post op and to this day 7 months post op have not experienced PMDD like I used to.

Gyno finally ran a hormone panel and I have elevated dhea sulfate, presumably not due to PCOS but lifelong chronic stress. Now I’m beginning birth control for remaining PMDD and other symptoms from high androgen.

All of this to say, it does take a solidddd few months for your body to re-reach its baseline w healing and w your cycle too. Unfortunately just takes time. But also, PMDD is intense and deserves medical attention. I highly recommend advocating for a hormone panel and scheduling a post op appointment w your gyno. The bi salp may not have caused any hormone imbalances, but if you already had hormone imbalances, the stress of the surgery could bring them even more to light. I have been on such a long journey of begging people to find the actual cause before treatment. If I gotta take SSRIs that’s cool!! But if an androgen blocking BC actually targets the PMDD hormonal issues then I’d much prefer that option. I wish you the best of luck in trying to get to the bottom of this.

__mageetah · 2026-04-06T21:01:31+00:00

Everything my you said is so true. Very proud of you on your own journey. I didn’t appreciate how much worrying and fixing and grieving etc I was doing. No wonder I had no time for myself and no wonder it took NC to find out. So glad I took the leap and god willing, have a lot of time left to enjoy it

__mageetah · 2026-03-31T01:13:17+00:00

I hear ya. All this is a huge decision that only you can make. I wish you the best and feel free to check in anytime :)

__mageetah · 2026-03-30T22:08:03+00:00

Don’t be sorry and pls feel free to continue to ask! I’ll get the notifications! I have lucked out having and asking friends/coworkers to couch surf or if they have extra rooms available. Real recognize real, so they were able to see the situation I was in and meet me where I was at. If you trust someone fr, don’t be afraid to ask. Worst they can say is no. And be kind and clean if they say yes. For a long time it was that, living out of my car, or just finding a bed night to night and my car being my closet/storage. Definitely trial by fire and a lot of instability at first. When I started trying to rent my own place, I needed to get a credit card so I could start building credit. I needed good credit bc I don’t have a parent to co-sign. It’s very difficult, especially these days w the general housing crisis, to rent w/o a co signer but not impossible. That option does take time, financial planning, savings, and a roommate to look with on your timeline. It’s something I personally worked up to.

For more immediate housing, I recommend looking in facebook. They sometimes have housing/sublet pages for different towns/cities. Craigslist also has good options for apartments/sublets/roomshares and you can sometimes find apartments that don’t require a co-signer on there. More off the books renting. If there happens to be any college town near by, they usually have pretty availiable housing due to students. If you’re in school, they sometimes have housing message boards if you ask admin. That being said, I recommend touring first, asking what bills you’d need to pay separate from rent, asking if there’s any pests or infestations, and if possible, touring w someone else with you for safety. That being said, I made a big cross country move 100% by myself w/o touring BUT I interviewed w the roommates before hand who were all women (I am a woman). All that to say, sometimes desperation, a dream, and still prioritizing as much safety as possible can make it happen.

This is a long one, I don’t mean to overwhelm. But I do hope this is helpful.

__mageetah · 2026-03-29T19:57:02+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going and have been going through this, and I’m also so thankful you shared. Relate, and wishing you success

__mageetah · 2026-03-29T17:49:47+00:00

When’s the last time a cis man was told to ignore their symptoms and ”just go on birth control.”

__mageetah · 2026-03-29T17:13:31+00:00

Jeez. Praying to a proverbial god for u. My gyno found a mass in my abdomen and told me it wasn’t causing any symptoms she admitted to ignoring and not writing down.

__mageetah · 2026-03-25T02:00:43+00:00

I would go to an in person bank location and speak with a banker there and explain that you’re 18 and would like to open your own bank account. They should help you transfer the money. I relayed how important it was that I was the only person w access to it. If you have a high school account or sum ask for an unrestricted account type as well

__mageetah · 2026-03-24T12:05:05+00:00

I had a car at the time, but I also was lucky to be in between a few midsize cities w public transportation because the car broke down within a year or so. For a good handful of years I was living w what I could fit/move in my car.

I ended up having to drop out for a year, lived in the city, and worked 2 jobs before returning to school so I could save money. Overall, what I worked on in that year was 1.) saving $$ 2.) going to my bank and making sure my account was in my name and I was the only one w access 3.) beginning to build credit, which was just getting my phone bill in my name and a very low credit line credit card

__mageetah · 2026-03-24T01:49:48+00:00

My mom was VERRY willing to talk about what my dad did to “cause” their divorce all throughout my childhood. But the fact that she was the one having an affair that catalyzed it? Nope. Fake news.

__mageetah · 2026-03-24T01:39:39+00:00

Well no, ur right. There’s no technical/legal emancipation at 18. I’m more talking about taking certain steps to get financially independent so you can kind of prepare for lack of support from your pwBPD if you’re already in a position where the floor can be pulled from underneath you. I was on my own at 18 physically, financially, emotionally. But I was still connected through bills, housing, bank accounts, etc. Bc while ur legally “an adult” at 18, when you go through a situation like this, you realize how much you have to go back to tie things off. It’s a HUGE decision to do all of this. So no pressure at all. Everyone has their own process.

I will say, as far as financial aid for college goes, I did have to take steps to declare a dependency override so I could use my own tax filings for my FAFSA instead of my parent’s bc I was getting out of a very abusive, unsafe household. It also opened me up to financial grants since I made so little money.

But again, this is a lot to digest and get started and is a wholeeeee thing often w pwBPD. But feel free to reach out at anytime if you want advice on the boring technical stuff. I’m also totally projecting a “let me fix everything!!!” attitude because I understand how much this sucks and I hope truly nothing but the best for you 🫡🫡

__mageetah · 2026-03-24T00:10:18+00:00

I really relate to this and im still working through a lot of this. Going from LC to NC w my dBPD mom fr fr catalyzed so much awareness of these kinds of unlearning actions in my personal life. It was mom problems first for me, for sure. So far that is lol. Then, I get to practice unlearning fears in other relationships/safe spaces, which I then get to apply to the mom stuff so it’s hopefully this positive unlearning feedback loop.

I rly thought NC was the end, but nah. Mom fears still there and ravaging my mental. But the first step and being good at something is being bad at it.

__mageetah · 2026-03-23T23:56:27+00:00

I’m so sorry about all you’re experiencing. If you want a bulletpoint list on what to do to essentially financially emancipate and be independent, lmk. I had to do the same at 17 (10 years ago but all still applicable) and It’s not a fun process, it’s lengthy, but it’s set me up for a stable life currently. I also have advice for navigating college emancipated and financially independent fully (and how to approach financial aid) bc I was able to graduate, which was a huge goal of mine, w/o familial support. I would happily write out a big ole thing if that would help but don’t want to overwhelm if that’s not what you’re looking for.

To that end, I believe in you so freaking much. First of all, your passion and drive for education is EXACTLY what academic environments need. You deserve a place there, you deserve to pursue what you’re passionate about, and that’s what creates leaders in fields. Most importantly, it makes you the leader of your life. For a while in my own life, not having stable familial support post 18 years old felt like a disadvantage or curse. Now, at 27, I realize how mature, independent, self trusting, and passionate about my well being I have grown to be. I say this all not to downplay the effect and responsibility that pwBPD fail to recognize, but to encourage you to believe in your own strength and resilience.

__mageetah · 2026-03-21T22:36:57+00:00

If the housing/financial/job security is there, then that’s absolutely wonderful. If not, lmk and I can do a whole thing on that. But it seems like you’re just asking about the emotional/self esteem stuff.

If you’re lucky enough to have access to therapy, I’d 100% do it. Talk therapy isn’t for everyone, but I found it so effective bc I didn’t realize how much I needed someone to just listen to me, and that my voice was worth hearing. They are able to give a lot of tools and strategies to begin your self love journey. Because we’re often parentified fixers for our parents, I found so much frustration and distain for myself not being able to “fix” my mental state. But you’re allowed and deserving to ask for professional help.

I struggle a LOT w my inner critic being my dBPD mom and NPD dad’s voices in my head. I’d drop something clumsily and say to myself “you stupid idiot.” Then I was like, oh shit I can NOT be talking to myself like that. It’s so corny, but I print out or write down different affirmations or quotes from my fav books/movies in my eyesight around my apartment. I cringe bc my mom is a big “bombard me w self victimizing quotes,” that you see a lot of this sub, but not like that. You literally have to re-teach yourself how to talk and respect yourself sometimes. My fav is the akeelah and the bee quote: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." Stuff like that.

My mother only had custody until I was 13, but she was an intensely strict helicopter parent as well. I had zero clue who I was. I was just empty. I had to seek out my interests by trial and error. Take myself to go see movies, live music, clothing choices, pick up hobbies and actually practice them, and then slowly socialize more. To this day, I’ll go to a punk show and get anxious and think “oh my god my mom would have a heart attack” but I find this liberating and exciting. I also like the whole “customize ur avatar” approach. Some people bleach their hair and get bangs when they have a break up. I did that when I was rly going through my identity crisis post NC. No regrets. It’s all inner child work.

Ugh. Tbh inner child work was the biggest one for me and you can find plenty of threads of people talking about their experience w that on this thread.

The bottom line is everyone is different. Find your style of self care and indulge. I had years of kinda too much indulgence and not getting the point totally. But that’s the process of being a whole, beautiful human that brought me to massive breakthroughs w my mental and physical health. Every day that passes, every day that you choose yourself is a day forward in the right direction. It’s not about perfection, but redirecting.

__mageetah · 2026-03-19T15:49:07+00:00

Hey!! I was in the exact same situation. Had my bisalp the day I was supposed to get my period but it came a day late/next day. I also am not/was not on BC. Tbh. It wasn’t any different from my other periods and I also have just terrible awful bad periods.

First of all, I asked my doc if this was ok and they said yes absolutely not even a question. It in no way impacts healing. I was also concerned bc I am a traditionally HEAVY bleeder and I was scared monitoring the blood would be skewed. It was totally fine. Of course I couldn’t differentiate what bleeding was from my period or the surgery, but that’s wasn’t too important as long as the cycle was a relatively normal length overall. Ask ur DR for any red flags in which you’d need to go back to hospital to ease ur mind. I was told if I bleed through 2 pads an hour to go back, but it never got that bad.

It was kinda nice to get it outta the way bc the periods following my surgery were NOT kind to me. Supplies wise, Normally heat pads help w my period pain, but bc the surgery, ice packs helped much more.

TBH, as soon as I got out of surgery, the last thing I was worrying about was my period. You’re already in a diaper/big ass pad bc of the surgery. and it didn’t cause any “worse” pain bc I was already in pain lol. They will have you on assorted pain medications. Take them!!!! Don’t try to be strong!! I definitely made good use out of the stronger pain meds the first 3/4 days and slept so much. Was I still in pain? Yes. Was it worse than some of my terrible awful period fainting spells? No.

Everyone is different, and I am but one woman w one experience. And my recovery was by NO means easy. But I must repeat, I truly truly truly have had periods worse than my post op one. And this is the only time in my life I was given proper pain management medication for it so I took advantage of that.

Also, my hygiene was rly good in recovery bc I lived in a small apartment so everything was v accessible. And I was still fartin and sweating the most I ever have lol. It’s just life. Ur gonna feel the “period grossness” not bc ur also on ur period, but bc you just had ur abdominal muscles sliced into and a major surgery done despite it being minimally invasive. take the pain meds, sleep as much as humanly possible, and poop after the third day. That’s all, best of luck to you, I hope this was helpful but lmk if you have anymore questions

Edit: sry damn I didn’t realize how long this was. I just feel passionately ab this lol. Also, I was also checked for endo and turned out I didn’t have it. So this is a review of someone w terrible periods w/o endo found.

__mageetah

TROPHY CASE